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Original poster

Age old proposal problems

217 replies

Imammaaama · 27/11/2024 15:35

I've been with my partner 7 years and we have a house and a toddler.

I've always been clear that I see marriage in my future , although due to age and finances child and house came first ( we had fertility worries)
We started having serious ' will you ever propose 'chats about 2 years ago .
It has now reached a head where I feel I can no longer wait. After a few big conversations this year he apparently is looking into getting a ring now. I am now questioning if I want this anymore? I am beyond impatient and I feel like a proposal at this point doesn't come from love but from pressure.
Our most recent big conversation was in June - and it was a very raw and emotional one where he assures me this is what he wants.
I was extremely disappointed to find out a couple weeks ago that he has taken no steps towards making this happen.
I know he can afford a ring , I don't want anything materialistic or stupidly expensive.
He has good savings and could've afforded a ring at any point in our relationship.

I just don't know if there's a way back from this now... I'm hurt that this has taken so long and that I've had to bring it up. I always told myself if I have to ask someone to propose to me it's just not right.

But I now have to think of myself as well as my child. I dont know what to do.. im leaning towards ending things but frightened of that this means for my future.

OP posts:
Silenus · 29/11/2024 13:47

Imammaaama · 29/11/2024 12:52

I see it that he is proposing that we get married? That's what a proposal is? Asking me to marry him ?
We are not yet married we haven't yet been through that experience, yes we have the commitment but we haven't yet had a marriage so nothing is taken away from the proposal .
When we get married we will exchange vows in front of our family and friends and celebrate our love on that day( and also do the legal bit) . This can be done at any point in life or in a relationship.

Show quote history

What love, though?

You say in your OP that you’re ‘leaning towards ending it’! You also say that if you have to ask someone to propose to you then ‘it’s not right’, when in fact not only have you been asking him to propose to you for two years, this still hasn’t produced even a disappointing token proposal or indeed any evidence he’s given it serious thought.

It doesn’t sound as if either of you wants to marry the other.

Or are you saying that if he finally bobbed up tomorrow with a diamond solitaire and a bunch of roses, or then that would resolve all the issues that made you consider leaving him?

Original poster
Imammaaama · 29/11/2024 13:53

Silenus · 29/11/2024 13:47

What love, though?

You say in your OP that you’re ‘leaning towards ending it’! You also say that if you have to ask someone to propose to you then ‘it’s not right’, when in fact not only have you been asking him to propose to you for two years, this still hasn’t produced even a disappointing token proposal or indeed any evidence he’s given it serious thought.

It doesn’t sound as if either of you wants to marry the other.

Or are you saying that if he finally bobbed up tomorrow with a diamond solitaire and a bunch of roses, or then that would resolve all the issues that made you consider leaving him?

Show quote history

It would certainly settle my doubts yes. If he took action to do something he knows means a lot to me.

OP posts:
Silenus · 29/11/2024 13:57

Imammaaama · 29/11/2024 13:53

It would certainly settle my doubts yes. If he took action to do something he knows means a lot to me.

Show quote history

But you say in your OP you think it’s may be already too late and you would feel it’s just him caving from two years plus of you pressuring him, not because he wants to — that’s why I ask whether a proposal tomorrow would solve everything.

Original poster
Imammaaama · 29/11/2024 14:03

I guess it depends how genuine it seems

OP posts:
KateDelRick · 29/11/2024 14:52

You want a grand romantic gesture - perhaps ask yourself why? What is it about going down on one knee, presenting a ring and asking Father's permission? Perhaps reflect on why that's so important after 7 years and a child.
If discussions haven't made a difference over the last two years, and things got very heated last June, but to no avail, maybe he's just not that bothered.
Suggest marriage, to happen in the next few months. See what he says.

Maggispice · 29/11/2024 14:57

Imammaaama · 27/11/2024 17:03

The gesture is really important to me at this stage yes.
I think it's okay to want this . Many people have this. Many relationships experience this. Why are people acting like it's so strange to want to be proposed to it's very common??

Marriage means he's publicly declaring that he loves you above all others and wishes to spend the rest of his life with you whether you're poor or ill and even if you commit a crime he can't be compelled to give evidence against you or he values you over the society.
He hasn't gotten to that point and so he can't do it of his own free will. He's happy to live with you and your child for now.

ginasevern · 29/11/2024 16:51

Imammaaama · 27/11/2024 15:47

I've lead the way for most of our relationship moves ( buying house , trying for child , moving in together ) whilst I don't doubt he wanted these things ( just didn't know how to go about them ) this is the one thing I will not do for him. If it's not coming from him I don't want it , I feel it's the one gesture that he should take ownership of.. and this is why the situation hurts so much because it's not happening.

Ps I appreciate all the responses, have given me food for though

Edited

So you came along and showed him that he really wanted a baby, a mortgage and a life long commitment? You basically saved him from himself and now you're going to do the same again by getting him to propose. Good job you were on the scene OP. God knows what would've happened to him.

Shoxfordian · 29/11/2024 16:59

At some point he might stop being a passenger in his life and I hope he drives the way you want

Original poster
Imammaaama · 29/11/2024 20:01

ginasevern · 29/11/2024 16:51

So you came along and showed him that he really wanted a baby, a mortgage and a life long commitment? You basically saved him from himself and now you're going to do the same again by getting him to propose. Good job you were on the scene OP. God knows what would've happened to him.

Show quote history

I think you have misunderstood.. he wanted these milestones with me and we spoke about them together bit I took the first steps..

OP posts:
Original poster
Imammaaama · 22/03/2025 19:09

Update : he proposed

OP posts:
TheBell · 22/03/2025 19:22

Congratulations!

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 22/03/2025 20:09

Did you say yes?!

Original poster
Imammaaama · 22/03/2025 21:04

Yes ! 😀

OP posts:
StarlightExpresssed · 22/03/2025 21:09

Imammaaama · 22/03/2025 21:04

Yes ! 😀

Did you leave him? Did you give him an ultimatum?
Congratulations! 🥳

Original poster
Imammaaama · 22/03/2025 21:15

No more was said until he proposed last month

OP posts:
Semiramide · 22/03/2025 21:42

Congratulations!

When is the wedding?

Ruggsey · 23/03/2025 09:19

Congratulations.

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