He bought her diamond jewellery

[Spikyseason]

So 5 months into trying to reconcile after DH’s affair, which lasted over a year (so he says) and I discovered after going through credit card statements recently that he bought her a £20k diamond necklace. Twenty fucking thousand pounds.

I am beyond furious. He said he wasn’t in love with her. It was a tiny glimmer of hope in trying to reconcile for the sake of DC. At least he never loved her. But he has never bought me a gift like this ever. Even my engagement ring isn’t worth that much. We are comfortable financially but even so this is pretty eye watering. Not insignificant money.

I’ve been kidding myself haven’t I? And he’s lying about his feelings for her. I don’t know why this is somehow worse than the sex but it is. AFAIK no contact with OW since but I just don’t get it.

Yeah I would find that hard to deal with. That is a huge amount of money. Id be pissed off about that too. What else has he spent on her?

It’s not something you can get . It’s unfathomable .
I could never forgive someone who puts their girlfriend before their children’s future finances .
That’s even without counting emotional impact on everyone.

You don’t shell out that kind of cash on someone you don’t love, surely? Unless that’s the equivalent of £20 to someone else, which I doubt.

Yes. Apart from the eye-watering amount of money there is something very personal.and romantic about a man buying jewellery for a woman.
How did you find out about the affair?

Blimey. Is he a millionaire cos I can fathom someone spending that
Much !!!!

Cant I mean

It is definitely not the equivalent of £20. To put into context, I got a (very ‘practical’) jacket for my birthday. Probably worth around £400.
It’s the money and the potential sentiment. I can’t even comprehend it.

A rogue text message!

It’s often the small things that make the most hurtful memories actually. This is in no way a small amount but it was just a gift and yet still it’s the significance of it.

Did he want to go off with her or reconcile?

Honestly, I would not be quits until I had an affair myself and rubbed it in his face. He has hurt you too deeply and it’s humiliating.

He wanted to stay… but we have DC. I am now thinking it was all because of them rather than me because him saying it meant nothing doesn’t really stack up in light of this!

Was it joint money? If so he owes you £20k. Make a copy of the statement when you seek legal advice

Well we’re married so I guess so!

Wow, that's awful. And whether or not he was in love, giving a gift life that says to me something more about how he wanted to be seen. Like he's the big man with cash to throw around. He's an idiot.

This is the thing. He isn’t like that normally. Not flash at all. Whether he was putting it on for her or not I have no idea but I am literally seething and no idea how to take it. Sex is one thing. This is another.

I get it. I was more upset my ex h told the OW, and now his new girlfriend, private stuff about me ffs than the fact they had sex. Men are fuckers.

Are you going to say something? I think even if you are reconciling, you need to wave it in his face and say “are you fucking kidding me?”

I'd leave. That is beyond insulting. Pack your bags and end it. No amount of mind bleach will ever remove this.

I'd say he did this for the sex she gave him. I will never underestimate the importance of sex to males.

Therefore I would immediately start putting maximum effort into my appearance, while leaving him.

So if it hadn't been for that the affair would have been on going?
A year is a lot of lying and a lot of betrayal. And a long time to continue if he didn't have feelings for her.

Tell him you want it back. It’s half yours, your money. He gets it back.

🤷‍♀️

Oh yes I imagine so. Just as well it stopped before he bought her a fucking castle.

There’s the cheating and on top of it he was spending 10s of thousands of your joint money, money for your children, on another woman! So gross. You are not being unreasonable, personally this would be a way way too much for me to forgive and get over. So much disrespect.

It sounds like he was besotted with her.

Well why didn’t he leave then? Why such a mind fuck? What am I supposed to believe?

I'd never forgive him, he could have put that money in a savings account for your child but instead he's spent it on his mistress

Unforgivable. I would have his bags packed.
There will probably be other expenses too and a chance he’s still got her on the back burner. She must have meant a lot to him for him to buy her something so nice.