Walked in on my husband mastubating

[JamDonutAddict]

I've been married a few times, but my husband (current and only one I have children with) is the only time I've actually really enjoyed sex. There's alot I could complain about in my relationship but the sex is wonderful. I don't orgasm through direct sex but he can do easily other ways, and I'm happy with that.

He's not. I don't orgasm the way he wants so he's withdrawn pretty much all sex so I'm very fucking depressed.

I walked in on him mastubating yesterday,
exactly what do I do with this?

The thread title doesn’t seem to match with what you have written.

We are all a bit confused now, yes?

Yeah I've updated. Hope it's clearer now

He’s withdrawn all sex because you don’t orgasm the way he’d like?!

I wouldn’t be annoyed if my husband masturbated but I’d be angry if he was withdrawing from me, not trying to work it out but masturbating.

You don't do anything with it... his body his choice to masturbate if he wants to surely?

What can you do? Do you not masturbate yourself?

It's perfectly natural surely? I've been caught once or twice but my oh is more careful than me!!

Walking in on a partner masturbating i would probably laugh. Withdrawing sex because you don't climax in the way he thinks you should would get me in a rage.

I'm fine with him mastubating - if he's having sex with me. He's not. He's had sex with me 3 times, at my request in the last year.

Absolutely nothing wrong with him mastubating. Him making you feel depressed is the problem.

You don't actually have the right to tell him he can or can't masturbate though.

Not having sex with you is a separate issue and one you need to talk about.

I’m curious as to the other complaints cos fuck me, withdrawing sex because you don’t orgasm how he wants is one of the biggest red flags I’ve ever read here

Is he cheating and using how you orgasm as an excuse to withhold sex? It sounds ridiculous. He obviously knew this when he dated you so what’s changed over the past year?

Fake it till you make it.

What a weirdo and controlling person he is that you don’t orgasm how he likes. So he has withdrawn intimacy from you. WTAF!
That’s reason enough to leave I would think to be honest.

Yeah my post is going to go astray because I didn't make it clear. I'm fine with him mastubating. He's doing it instead of sex with me because I don't orgasm.

I'm sorry I don't orgasm (I'd love to) but it's difficult for some women. So I'm honest (I love sex but don't mind the orgasm) and his response is "if you don't orgasm you don't like sex"

I'm wondering if it's a lack of theory of mind because he can't understand my way to enjoy sex

He’s refusing sex because you don’t orgasm the way he wants you to? Literally what the fucks? This isn’t about him masturbating, it’s about him withdrawing sex instead of communicating and working with you like an adult. He sounds terrible. Am I missing something?

No

You're correct. That's exactly what's happening here.

What did he say when you walked in?

Thank you 🙂😌

Yeah you're of course right. I worded it badly. I mean I feel uncomfortable he'll mastubate instead of have sex with me. I'm actually verbally upset about the lack of sex, so when I find him mastubating hours after I've stifled my tears, it's fucking weird

So allow him to realise you are masturbating too. Ask whether he really intends you to live in a sexless marriage, and whether he’d like to go to couples therapy to help his low self esteem about sex

No, don’t. He sounds like he could get nasty.

He’s being coercive, and I don’t know whether a marriage can survive such poor behaviour.

He's upset (feels less of a man) because he can't make you orgasm through penatrive sex). That I can understand.

However, how is withdrawing sex going to help that??

you need to have a discussion with him. A proper one. Where does this leave your marriage? (Presumably neither of you actually want a sexless marriage) ?? Why does he feel so strongly that you are unsatisfied with sex with him when you have told him
otherwise & you're happy with his other techniques that make you orgasm? Why does he feel it's so important that you orgasm by penetrative sex??

is he open to trying other positions, or tantric etc

as for him masturbating, I can understand how you feel, but ... 'caught'??? Neither of you should have to hide it.

I don't see how either of you can be happy in your relationship with this coming between you. It's not like you've agreed you're happy in a sexless relationship.

Awe, poor baby got his ego hurt cos his little willy doesn't make you scream his name so loud the neighbours complain so now you're not allowed to touch it

Jesus, what an immature response to you having a fairly typical response to PIV.

Honestly I'd be reconsidering the relationship

And don't take it.