Walked in on my husband mastubating

[JamDonutAddict]

I've been married a few times, but my husband (current and only one I have children with) is the only time I've actually really enjoyed sex. There's alot I could complain about in my relationship but the sex is wonderful. I don't orgasm through direct sex but he can do easily other ways, and I'm happy with that.

He's not. I don't orgasm the way he wants so he's withdrawn pretty much all sex so I'm very fucking depressed.

I walked in on him mastubating yesterday,
exactly what do I do with this?

Oh you saucy minx you, the op should definitely try that 😂

Reminds me of my narcissistic ex who once locked himself in the bathroom and refused to speak to me because I didn't orgasm when we had sex.

Unbelievably my self esteem was so low that i kept shouting sorry through the bathroom door.

Op, please leave. Your dp isn't behaving like someone who loves you. He is upset that his ego got wounded.

Hahahaha how strange... No idea how I've done that. Sorry OP this advice will not help with your situation 😳🫣

Divorce him and find a real man who cares enough about you to want to put the time and effort into giving you pleasure and making you orgasm the way you need to not just the way he thinks you should. What a selfish, misogynistic loser of a man.

Your husband is deeply insecure.

You are married and deserve intimacy.

LTB and get a toy.

Also, women should never fake orgasm. Why flatter a man's ego? Bloody make them work for it.

Are women seriously faking orgasms with their own husbands? I’ve done it on the odd night out to make a one night stand go faster but that’s a very different issue 😂

I feel like I'm having some kind of episode reading the OP & then reading the replies. I've just had to read it again to make sure I'm not & I still think I am!

Wtf are half of you on about?

OP likes sex with her DH. Doesn't orgasm through PIV sex but he does make her orgasm in other ways - which she's happy with. (like virtually ALL OTHER WOMEN!). The DH (might stand for Dear Husband, might stand for Dick Head - not decided yet) has declared that's not good enough & has withdrawn all sexual contact with OP because she is orgasming wrong?

Sexual contact OP both wants & enjoys!

How is that not weird behaviour?! Like, that's REALLY weird!

And there's ppl on here telling OP she's the problem, that she should shave all her public hair off, that she should offer to assist in the sneaky wank?! WHAT IS GOING ON?

I don't know if 'DH' is being controlling, pornsick or just absolutely pathetic but in now way is OP at fault here.

Jesus wept. I hope this is a very bad attempt at a joke.

I think men feel demasuclated when women don’t orgasm - my OH is one and I only orgasm when I’m on top.
not saying we should have to fake an orgasm to feed the male ego, but a fake orgasm here and there helps feed that ego and makes them more confident so you can get more of the sex you like and that satisfies you. Works for me anyway and I have a very high sex drive

Is it because he thinks without an orgasm, he's failed or does he just need educating as to how women's bodies work in general?

Absolutely fucking mind blown here too.

This human shit stain is punishing her for not coming in a way he thinks she should by withholding sex and people think she needs to change?

@SwingTheMonkey thank god you've appeared, I was starting to think I was trapped in the fucking backrooms 🤣

I don't orgasm the way he wants

This bit would bother me. I wouldn't mind if my hubby was masturbating.
You not having an orgasm in the way HE WANTS sounds very controlling to me

Don’t do this @JamDonutAddict

This is awful advice and likely what your husband wants you to do. Fake an orgasm from activity that doesn’t please you so that he can get on and do what he likes without having to feel guilty or actually please you.

MaybeItsBecauseImALodoner · Today 19:34

Just googled 70-90% of women can't orgasm through intercourse alone. He sounds like a massive fucking baby, having little sulk wanks over his ego.
Do you even want to have sex with him now? .. I don't think I would!

Cant stop laughing at the underlined part!!! Look

I meant looool

I am so sorry you are not getting your question answered . The issue is that he is sulkily, repressively, punitively withholding sex and intimacy with you because he feels (or says he feels) upset that you don’t orgasm the way he wants with PIV sex.

You can’t “know” with certainty why he is doing this. He either wont tell you or won’t be honest. But the effect is a form of abuse.

It may be that he is masturbating to make up for lack of sex, or hoping to shoe you how angry he is. Madturbation is perfectly normal. Bit his withdrawal of sex is not. So we can’t know whether the masturbation was normal or a communicative act.

In answer to your question, the masturbating is fine. Although people should make an effort not to be walked in on, as it’s not a pretty sight 😂

His attitude to sex is really weird. Does he think PIV is the only type of sex that counts? Is he just too lazy and selfish to do the things that actually please you, and too stupid to realise that this goes for vast numbers of women?

Chances are a previous partner of his did fake it and that (or porn) has mistakenly left him with the impression that a bit of PIV should have you screaming in ecstasy🙄

It sounds like he thinks sex = PIV and success = orgasm instead of understanding that the closeness and intimacy of sharing each other's bodies and pleasure is what's important.

Perhaps guide him towards many of the very good resources that show a large number of women don't orgasm consistently (or even at all) from PIV and that feeling under pressure to orgasm is the quickest way to make an orgasm impossible!

Sorry OP, but he sounds like an absolute dickhead!

He's a selfish twat OP, I don't know what else to say. I don't think there's anywhere you can go with him. There's no way I'd be faking it to ego boost that sad prick. He needs to get over himself.

Yeah my post is going to go astray because I didn't make it clear. I'm fine with him mastubating. He's doing it instead of sex with me because I don't orgasm.

He's not. If he wanted to he would. Don't know the real reason but it's not because you don't orgasm.

Get off the internet and talk to your husband.

This! I've been so confused reading these replies. Is there some sort of mass reading comprehension issue here? Stopped to reply to this out of sheer relief. Back in I go.

People are crashingly missing the point here. Of course everyone wanks, but it’s really not hard to do it in a time and place where there’s no risk of being walked in on by your partner.

To be walked in on mid wank, means you either have zero respect for your partner, or are deliberately making sure they walk in on you, to cause you hurt. He sounds like a complete cunt OP, especially as you walked in on it with your baby - how utterly vile. Hope you’re Ok.

You say I've actually really enjoyed sex [with him] and the sex is wonderful [with him] and I don't orgasm through direct sex but he can do easily other ways, and I'm happy with that but then I don't orgasm the way he wants so he's withdrawn pretty much all sex. You've presumably been together for a while, if you're married and have multiple children - has something changed? Why is he now (apparently) objecting to or at least avoiding something he seemed satisfied with in the past? If you don't know why, can/will he discuss the situation with you and, if necessary, perhaps with a couples' therapist? That's really the only hope, besides I suppose waiting to see if he somehow changes back.