Walked in on my husband mastubating

[JamDonutAddict]

I've been married a few times, but my husband (current and only one I have children with) is the only time I've actually really enjoyed sex. There's alot I could complain about in my relationship but the sex is wonderful. I don't orgasm through direct sex but he can do easily other ways, and I'm happy with that.

He's not. I don't orgasm the way he wants so he's withdrawn pretty much all sex so I'm very fucking depressed.

I walked in on him mastubating yesterday,
exactly what do I do with this?

It sounds like you don’t orgasm when you have sex together. It’s probably making him frustrated and not enjoy sex, maybe he feels like he’s just using you and that makes him feel bad about it?

Have you tried orgasming having sex together even if you take care of yourself whilst he’s watching/kissing etc. Not to get graphic! But sex therapy etc could help you find a compromise?!

Why can’t people read?

Op does orgasm whilst they are having sex, just not from PIV and her husband thinks she should so is withholding sex.

Um, this.

Where does it say that? She says she orgasms in other ways I assume she meant on her own?
would be helpful if she could clarify. it doesn’t say she orgasms WITH him?Difficult because OP not being very clear.

I'd never go near him again
What else is he so controlling over
I'd be going for a divorce

He sounds very controlling and a bit of a twat tbh.

I have never in my life orgasmed from PIV - only in combination with clitoral stimulation.

However porn makes men think that we should all be screaming in squeals of delight by their manhood entering us! And that all PIV will result in a woman having a screaming orgasm.

If he is withholding sex from you because he is furious that you don’t orgasm from purely PIV then he is seriously uneducated about women’s bodies or is just an abusive arsehole. Or both!

I don't orgasm through direct sex but he can do easily other ways, and I'm happy with that.

Erm… says it here. In her op.

“I can orgasm solo but I don't care it as it's difficult other ways. I'd like to enjoy having sex together without pressure of orgasm but he's rejected.”

I’m reading it like she doesn’t orgasm with him.

If she can but just not through penetration and he’s kicking off about it then urgh, ridiculous. dont know where you go from there because how do you reason with an idgit? Maybe masterbate next to him in bed and say you have to because you’re getting too frustrated!

Assumed that mean HE can orgasm because of what she clarifies in later posts?! Not clear to me.

Just when you think men couldn't get any more fucking weird
Up pops the ops husband.
I'd love to see what a shrink makes of him .
Rabbit all way op x

Your husband obviously doesn’t value the emotional intimacy and connection that sex brings and that’s obviously what you enjoy. He’s ignoring that even though you don’t orgasm, that you are enjoying yourself and that he’s responsible for this. Have you told him how much you enjoy having sex with him or will he not take it seriously because you don’t orgasm. He sounds really horrible tbh like he’s punishing you for something you can’t really control. I’m really sorry you are in this situation. Nothing wrong with masturbating but it’s hurtful when he’s not having sex with you. I get that completely.

This. Most women orgasm from clitoral stimulation rather than PIV. I once had a partner who thought (from porn and previous partners faking) that both of us had to climax not just during penetration, but at the same time! It was so stressful. He didn't understand female biology often doesn't work like that and had such low self-esteem that it was impossible to talk about it and find ways that worked for both of us. Since that relationship ended I have had MUCH better sex but it was soul-destroying at the time. It sounds like OP's DH might have similar insecurity and unrealistic beliefs/misunderstanding - not sure how you start the conversation but sounds like communication, and possibly education for him, could help. Recommend omgyes website and the book Becoming Cliterate by Laurie Mintz (it has an excellent chapter for men!)

The 1950s called. They want their attitudes about female sexuality back.

Personally, I felt like I had travelled back in time. WAY back....

@JamDonutAddict It's not YOU, it's his problem but you are going to need to be involved in the solution. Counselling will help him and you come to an agreement.

I wish you the best and hope you both can find a solution before your relationship goes further downhill.

not saying we should have to fake an orgasm to feed the male ego, but a fake orgasm here and there helps feed that ego and makes them more confident

Groan.
That's exactly what you're saying. All that would do is tell him that you she can reach orgasm through PIV, so that would lead to less effort in his part, not more. It makes no sense at all.

They shouldn't have to. This is terrible advice.

For OP I suggested it as he was getting a Mard on because OP wasn't having an orgasm with PIV.

Mard- as in Mardy.

Men really have no idea about the workings of a woman. It's about time he grew up.

Some men are infinitely better than others.
Not all are sulkers.

Well said.

He definitely could do a little more research.

I wondered if he'd seen OP give birth- this can kill some men's desire for their partner- I was surprised when a man told me this.

As @JamDonutAddict has a new baby, that was the first thing I thought of, having had a squeamish man mention childbirth- he also blenched at the thought of women's periods.

What?! Is he on this thread??

Maybe he can't orgasim during intercourse at the moment so rather than say blames you?

good tip!… whilst keeping an ear out for the baby to cry 😭