Walked in on my husband mastubating

[JamDonutAddict]

I've been married a few times, but my husband (current and only one I have children with) is the only time I've actually really enjoyed sex. There's alot I could complain about in my relationship but the sex is wonderful. I don't orgasm through direct sex but he can do easily other ways, and I'm happy with that.

He's not. I don't orgasm the way he wants so he's withdrawn pretty much all sex so I'm very fucking depressed.

I walked in on him mastubating yesterday,
exactly what do I do with this?

Fuck faking an orgasm. Honestly what utter bullshit that a woman should have to stop a man getting upset that SHE didn't orgasm.

I wouldn't stay in a relationship where someone was refusing to have sex with me. You say the sex is fantastic but I'd say that's probably because you're used to a more rough, user type man and now you have an uninterested man you don't feel as threatened during sex. You don't orgasm and you've had sex three times in a year. That's not a good sex life.

Up your standards considerably and try again. There's better out there.

She is reaching orgasm with him. Just not through PIV.

Sex therapy? This situation isn’t getting better is it.

@JamDonutAddict you have the right to define your own pleasure. Your husband IBVVVU. If he's truly interested in your pleasure, you need to make him understand you really do enjoy sex with him, regardless of orgasm. He's being very egotistical and immature. If he cares, ask him to put his ego aside and become curious about what you like, to ask you and to listen!

I've been married a few times, but my husband (current and only one I have children with) is the only time I've actually really enjoyed sex

Maybe some of your previous husbands enjoyed sex with you and were disappointed that you didn't enjoy sex with them?
So current husband maybe doesn't enjoy sex with you and prefers masturbating, He has as much right to feel that way about it as you do.

Better luck next time maybe.

How on earth are you supposed to orgasm to order? or in a particular way? that doesn't make sense..does he want you doing hand stands while you orgasm? I don't get it

You could have joined him.....

Yeah but it’s really, really fucking stupid advice. Nobody should need to fake an orgasm to placate someone else.

I actually can’t believe I’m reading this sort of shit.

Yes! Reward him for withholding sex because she doesn’t come as he thinks she should, by giving him a hand job! Excellent advice.

I’m wondering if this is triggering a really deep wound, and he hasn’t really realised how he’s behaving, perhaps he feels really inadequate and that he can’t satisfy you, and that’s why he’s not being open and speaking about it, instead he’s withdrawing so he’s not reminded every time you have sex that he can’t satisfy you (how he might feel - not the reality!)

Id try coming at it with love and sympathy for his hurt little boy, especially as it sounds like he’s a good guy otherwise and you love him 🥰

It's not about sex. He's unhappy with the relationship for whatever reason. Maybe that's what you need to explore with him..

Please tell me this is a joke. Hurt little boy? Sympathy?

Yes, this is a man she loves and chose to marry.
So I’d approach from a place of - this person loves me, I know they wouldn’t deliberately try to hurt me, so why are they behaving in a way that does.
Id then explain how I felt, and ask them what it was, that was triggering or upsetting them, so we could work through it together.

‘Hurt little boy’ is vomit inducing.

This ‘wonderful man’ is emotionally abusing op by withdrawing sex because she can’t come by him entering her.

There's alot I could complain about in my relationship

Did you also ignore this little nugget from the op?

After walking in on my husband masterbating, (countless times), I happily said I would join him in a film/session. Just a no go on his part.. till I left him.. then he really wanted a shag.. sorry.. too little too late mate!

😂

You’ve clearly never heard of inner child wounds and healing then! We all have wounded inner child aspects that acts of impulse and fear, not our rationale knowledge.
When you’re in a conflict situation with someone you love and want to work through the problem with, to try and understand and empathise with how the wounded aspect of them feels is might helpful 😝

Jesus Christ. I’ve read it all now.

Does this extend to other aspects of abuse? Should a woman who is being physically abused look at ways to support her ‘hurt little boy’?

You’ve also completely ignored the fact op says there are many problems with her relationship, it’s not all roses and love. I imagine because you know you’re spouting utter shite.

And let him use one of your jam doughnuts. See if that worked for you both.

Muddledandmiddle, one can only assume that she doesn't moan and groan in ecstacy like his celluloid playmates. Get rid, he's a hopeless case and she deserves better.

So-youre rejected because HE set a bar HE can not meet.
Despite your being ok with it-hes got you on punishment duty!! -THIS "I'm wondering if it's a lack of theory of mind" is either the nicest or the nastiest thing i ever read.
ITS THE ABSOLUTE epitomy of WHO he cares about.
which goes right round to "There's alot I could complain about in my relationship"
the sex isnt wonderful!! hes deny it you cos push comes to shove-hes nothin but a tosser.

How have you not kicked him out already!

Also you have a baby- that is very lucky if you only had sex three times. Is that right?

Does he believe porn is real? Sounds like he's either very inexperienced or has met too many of the idiot fake it brigade.

Poor bloke should have taken "I've been married a few times" as a red flag and run a mile.

Found the man! ☝🏼