Walked in on my husband mastubating

[JamDonutAddict]

I've been married a few times, but my husband (current and only one I have children with) is the only time I've actually really enjoyed sex. There's alot I could complain about in my relationship but the sex is wonderful. I don't orgasm through direct sex but he can do easily other ways, and I'm happy with that.

He's not. I don't orgasm the way he wants so he's withdrawn pretty much all sex so I'm very fucking depressed.

I walked in on him mastubating yesterday,
exactly what do I do with this?

😆 🎯

If it's the only way OP can get him to have sex- worth a go..unless she wants a divorce with a young baby-

Personally I'd not bother faking, but I'm not in that position to need to fake.

OP says she wants PIV- and her husband won't do this for whatever reason.

The relationship isn’t good - op has already said there are plenty of things to moan about. This poor excuse of a man is punishing her for not being able to organism through penetration- how could faking an orgasm help this absolute shit show? He sounds like a nasty, controlling, emotionally abusive asshole. He shouldn’t be placated and she should indeed think about her future, despite the child involved.

With her awake baby in her arms who she's going to bath?

Gosh yes of course! What are you? Some kind of prude? No wonder your husband hates you etc etc etc...

Good grief this fucking thread. I'm glad there are at least a few sane voices

“No wonder he’s having a wank if you’ve only had sex 3 times this year” is a personal fave of mine. Despite the fact that it’s op’s husband who is responsible for only having sex 3 times.

Actually, no, there’s just too many brilliant comments - I can’t pick a favourite!

Let me get this straight, he doesn't believe you when you say you enjoy sex with him. He doesn't know that the vast majority of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm and is refusing all sex with you because you don't conform to his idea of what women should do during sex?

I'd be mortally furious with him. I'm so sorry, he sounds like a misogynist to me.

Yeah I was reaching max-depth of brow furrowage at that point

Surely as long as you orgasm during the sexual encounter as a whole, that's what matters? It's normal to do different positions, oral, toys, hands, whatever in order to get both parties to orgasm? It doesn't matter which body parts is touching your genitals at one of the moments it happens. Obviously if he knew anything about women's bodies he'd know that your orgasms might continue throughout the process?
He sounds awful.
Nothing wrong with wanking but he's withholding sex and doesn't seem to want to make things improve in the bedroom. I'd honestly say sayonara.

I can't help but laugh at this. Nothing personal against you, it's just stuff and nonsense.
Clearly, you think women need to take responsiblity for men's problems.
It's 2024 FFS. Men need to sort their own shit out.

@SwingTheMonkey
Me too.

Also the one where someone suggested I join him - while holding my baby?

There's nothing wrong with my husband rubbing one out. There's everything wrong with him denying me sex without a decent reason (if he had an illness I'd accept it).

That I'm not orgasaming the way he wants so he's withholding sex isn't acceptable, and I refuse to be treated like that.

@VerinMathwin

"Poor bloke should have taken "I've been married a few times" as a red flag and run a mile."

That's a fair statement - but I've never cheated etc. Both my marriages ended calmly - no court etc

Personally I'd never cheat, so it's important we solve this.

That I'm not orgasaming the way he wants so he's withholding sex isn't acceptable, and I refuse to be treated like that.

Thats the spirit Op, you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong and you shouldn’t put up with this.

So what is missing? You say you enjoy sex when you have it whereas you haven't with previous partners. So he is obviously doing better than others but he appears to be hung up on the fact that he can't make you orgasm how he would like. I guess a lot might depend on what he needs to do to make you orgasm. Is it something that he is uncomfortable doing , if so why is he uncomfortable doing it. So for example if you get pleasure from pain does he feel its wrong to hurt you. That is more understandable than say refusing oral

@SwingTheMonkey

Actually "fake it till you make it" is my personal favourite, like who does that help?

Well he's a dickhead and he needs to learn how to make you orgasm. Most women don't orgasm from just penetrative sex. That's most women. Tell him his previous partners were obviously faking it.

The hurt little boy, of course!

@MiddleagedBeachbum

Actually MiddleagedBeachbum is right. Chatted over with hubby and think he got messed up when his mum left (his dad raised all 3 children alone while working full time) and yeah, he's strong on equal rights for women but it comes out weird.

So when I wanted to take on his last name it was a bit of an argument because he thought it unnecessary. I pointed out that if we double barrel our kids name (family have done this) ends up with a four-name surname if they marry. We did the boring order of marrying first and having kids later, so when babies happened he agreed a "family" name is easier.

I know it doesn't go down well on here, but I've got a husband raising a daughter, teaching her (via treatment of me) that her orgasms matter and not to take shit from a man.

Thank you to everyone who replied - he's reading :)

So this is your third marriage and from what I can gather the other two were compete duds, this one seems to have gone down the same route. I think you made a point that the others were bad in bed but this one you enjoy that aspect but never orgasm. You say that’s fine for you, but I’m guessing it’s soul destroying for him that after all this time he can’t get you to climax, now that can be soul destroying for a partner. BUT you say he’s withholding intimacy because he can’t do that in only one particular way? Did this NEVER come up at any point in you two getting together? You both sound like a dysfunctional couple, stop getting into relationships with people who are not right for you and if you do ever try again after you have broken up with this one, work these things out or move on.

I just can’t work out this situation you are in at all, I refuse to believe that there were NO SIGNS of this issue at any point up until now, what exactly do you want op? When you’ve worked that out, go tell your partner, if he continues sulking then break up!

You're probably thinking of British marriages with money and vows. We're not. It's closer to boyfriend / girlfriend until we had kids

This is now a solved issue - I'm not going to ask mumsnet to delete because I'm not ashamed to want to enjoy REGULAR sex. My husband will read also, so anything helpful please write, other than that isn't necessary

Apologies OP, I posted that before your last update, which to be honest has left me even more confused, I don’t understand and also it’s none of my business either, I shouldn’t have posted, good luck with working out whatever the issues are with your marriage.

Yupp. Agree. It doesn't get more personal and upsetting than this.

Haven't RTFT but you've been married a few times? How many's a few?

your view is still valid.

@cookiebee only some countries do marriage vows. This country is part of 86% of world without marriage vows. Vows aren't normal in a marriage