Told i don't have the body type

[Tomanyflaws]

Is it ever ok for a man in a relationship to comment on his female partners type of outfits by telling her to wear something that flatters because it's embrassing when everything's hanging i am a plus size ze lady size 16_18 5ft 7 33 he says i dress like im a size 8 something that i definitely am fully aware i ain't is it ok for him to say your fat rolls are hanging out and iv got a pouch so I need to cover up i said i don't want to wear big frumpy baggy clothes like old style granny prints this was in summer when i had denim shorts and a crop top on he's always said he doesn't mind my size but wants me to cover up if he's much in love with me why would he be embarrassed about my body that he wants to hide it under frumpy layers he is now an ex hes wev had long issues he told me it's over thank god but his he unreasonable or is it me??

You dress how you like.

Dress how you like but understand that not everything suits every body.
And not everyone finds fat rolls, overhangs and bulges attractive.

No, it's not OK. He's an arse and has no right to pass comment like this to make you feel bad. The way you dress is an expression of yourself.

There is not only the choice between showing a lot of skin (as is your right!) and covering up in "frumpy" layers. You must know that, surely

No you can wear what you want to.

You weren’t compatible.

Your post isn’t very clear at the bottom but I think you say He told you it’s over. Is that correct?

Can I ask why didn’t you dump him? You don’t need a shit boyfriend.

I'm not trying to be awful/nasty/horrible when I say this but as a bigger lady myself I think I ought to say this.
It's not about wearing "baggy" or frumpy clothes It's about dressing well for our body shape. I would never go out in tight clothes with a crop top because I know I have fat rolls and id look stupid and awful and other people would be staring and calling me and if I did go out like that I'd expect my husband to pull me up on it because he wouldn't want other people name calling me for the way I was dressed*
I cringe when I see other people dressed in unsuitable clothing for their body size no matter how much people say " you can wear what you like"
Like I said I'm a big person myself but I have learned to find nice clothing that looks good on my body and that's not frumpy.
This isn't a personal attack by the way, I am just giving my view point.

Edit: I don't know why a lot of my post has gone in bold 😂

Raw honesty here. There isn't an ounce of malice in anything I say...

I saw a couple out the other day. Holding hands and looking so content with eachother. That was the first thing I noticed. Then, for whatever reason, I saw a tyre between the crop top and whatever she wearing skirt/trousers/didn't notice. At first I did think 'i would never wear that like that...' then it was instantly replaced with 'effin good on her, she's probably more confident in her body than I am,' (even though I may be a few sizes smaller) and it made me smile to myself.

It shouldn't be an achievement for anyone to feel confident in their clothes. I wish it was a given for everyone. I'm glad she doesn't (appear to) give a shit about anyone else's opinions. They both looked so happy, I think more of us should be content in whatever we fancy wearing.

Hopefully that comes across the way I'm meaning, wear whatever the hell you want and soon enough you'll attract the person who loves you all the more for it.

It's not nice to say it the way he did, however a crop top on plus size isn't appropriate to wear imo, unless you're at the beach, however I dress very modestly, I don't believe it's frumpy to cover up, it's about the overall look and style.

A man telling you what you can and can't wear is a form of abuse. I don't mean "what you can wear" in the sense of "the event is black tie so you need a gown, not jeans" but in the sense of "I don't like you wearing X because it's too revealing / unflattering / etc".

I agree with PP

He’s rude and there’s a lot better ways to have the discussion.

However there’s a million miles inbetween crop top and daisy dukes to ‘frumpy’

There are so many gorgeous outfits out there to flatter every shape and size and I think dressing to suit your body gives you so much confidence.

I’ve put on about a stone since menopause and my shape has changed so I’ve tailored my style to work with this and I feel so much better dressing for the body I have rather than the body I want.

Agreed.

Tbh, I’d hate my dh to wear tight t shirts showing his belly roll and it would give me the ick. I’d have to say something but would say it a lot more tactfully than that. You don’t sound suited.

Oh dear-I abuse my dh all the time😂

Is it abuse when he's telling the OP he doesn't like it when she's walking around in clothes that are showing bits that don't make her look particularly good or her best self and is trying to tell her that but not in the best way? Can we say that's abuse?

You wear whatever you want to wear OP. Your body , your choice.
He had no right to say what he said to you, although he has every right to not like what you wear.
I wonder if he was so rude and unpleasant because he'd already made up his mind the relationship was over and he was trying to justify breaking up with you.

You have the right to wear what you want, but not to presume what you wear is attractive to others.

When he says that he loves your body you should take this as true. Just because he doesn't find your clothes choices flattering it doesn't mean he doesn't like what's under them.

It's tricky because I initially think 'no one should tell another adult what to wear' but then, thinking about it, if my large husband started wearing tight tops with his belly showing under them I do think I'd tell him he looks better in loose fitting clothes. And I do tell my 16 year old son if he wears a t shirt that's too small for him that he looks better in bigger tops as he has a habit of not noticing if he's grown out of something. So actually I do think it can be appropriate to say something, but I dare say it all depends on how you say it.

Wear what you want, whatever makes you happy. I wouldn't want to wear revealing clothes if I was plus size, but my choice isn't your choice. There are men around who actively like larger women and wouldn't be so rude and disrespectful about you wearing cropped tops and shorts.

It’s fine for you to wear what you want but it is also fine for people to not find your style attractive.

has he asked you to wear baggy clothes or just ones that suit your body type?

if you are not making the most of yourself it is fine for other people to make suggestions

At my biggest I was a size 22 so I'm not a fat shamer but surely you should wear clothes that flatter your figure. Just because it's made in your size doesn't mean you should wear it. I do however know that nowadays it's all about body positivity and embracing plus size. I do actually feel embarrassed for people who wear totally inappropriate clothing for their size and shape.

Wear what you like but accept that your style may not appeal to everyone. Follow some plus size influencers to redefine what is 'frumpy' and what is not.

A crop top with lots of belly hanging out is not an attractive look in my opinion no matter what your size.
Obviously you can wear whatever you want but he felt uncomfortable with it, probably seen other people looking because they do, believe me.
He could have been less harsh but if he doesn’t want to go out with you dressed like that then that’s his prerogative .
Find someone who loves your curves no matter what you’re wearing

Of course it can be, it depends how you wear it

I wear a crop top (t shirt type) for exercising in but with high waisted leggings. Same with high waisted jeans
You see about an inch of skin, if that
Size 18

Of course you should wear what you want, however you’ll probably look much better if you wear clothes that flatter your shape.

I must admit I’m often surprised by women who’ve clearly made a lot of effort wearing very unflattering clothes, think tight trousers/skirts that highlight a triangular bottom. I’m pregnant atm but when I’m not I certainly have a belly and chunky thighs, so stick to outfits that skim and flatter these areas and highlight the “better” aspects of my body like my waist.

Your partner is very rude, but I must admit I wouldn’t be thrilled if my husband continually wore unflattering clothes.

1. You can wear what you want. Nobody else gets to make that decision for you

2. You don't have to wait until a partner tells you it's over; it's perfectly ok for you to tell him it''s over if you are not happy in the relationship

3. It's worth spending some time working out what clothes best suit your unique body. A candid friend will give you much more useful feedback than a partner.