Told i don't have the body type

[Tomanyflaws]

Is it ever ok for a man in a relationship to comment on his female partners type of outfits by telling her to wear something that flatters because it's embrassing when everything's hanging i am a plus size ze lady size 16_18 5ft 7 33 he says i dress like im a size 8 something that i definitely am fully aware i ain't is it ok for him to say your fat rolls are hanging out and iv got a pouch so I need to cover up i said i don't want to wear big frumpy baggy clothes like old style granny prints this was in summer when i had denim shorts and a crop top on he's always said he doesn't mind my size but wants me to cover up if he's much in love with me why would he be embarrassed about my body that he wants to hide it under frumpy layers he is now an ex hes wev had long issues he told me it's over thank god but his he unreasonable or is it me??

Being insulting or rude is not OK in a relationship, but suggesting that your partner's clothes are not flattering is a bit different, I think. Obviously he finds you attractive or he wouldn't be with you; size 16-18 isn't that big, you're young and probably would look gorgeous in clothes that fit and have a nice shape without being too tight, and don't ride up showing rolls of fat. I think it all depends on how he says it.

I find the use of the words classy and modest on this thread and elsewhere abhorrent as they go back to colonial norms.

With classy and modest I mean a style that is stylish and understated. Nothing to do with colonialism

All across Africa and Polynesia, the European missionaries turned up and told women to abandon their traditional topless attire and put full-coverage dresses on. "Modest" is absolutely a colonial value.

Absolutely. There's some really appalling comments in this thread. Op I'm sad you describe yourself as a bag of shit. That's terrible. Much love to you

I was fully on your side until I read the words size 18 and 'crop top'. Sorry op but thats fucking mental xD

Crop tops are for teenagers with washboard stomachs. Maybe a size ten with a little pooch that can be hidden by high wasted shorts could pull it off if feeling brave but...

I'm not trying to shame you it's just there are some things most people out and about just going about their buisness do not want to see. I'm not surprised he said something tbh. Sorry.

If It makes you feel about better, no one would want to see 90% of the population, myself included, in a crop top either.

It depends how you're wearing it
This is a crop top I wear regularly with gym leggings to work out in but there's literally a flash of skin. I don't have to wear bum covering stuff just because I'm a size 18
People can look away

Really tiny sari blouses were the norm when I was living among sari-wearers many years ago. They were old-fashioned and ended just under the bust, above the main rib cage. Aunties and grandmas had big rolls of fat and round bellies. You could see senior women's bare skinned back fat and a flash of the front under the drape. Women of that region had very curvy body types naturally. It was feminine and cuddly or dignified with how they carried themselves.

He was attracted to your body type but too weak and easily led to own it and be proud of you in public. He wanted you to disguise the body shape he had the hots for in case other people didn't approve of his taste. Weak, cowardly sheep of a man. And as for telling you, and the words he used for your body...? Well he's thick as the wall, isn't he?

I can't see any skin at all in that pic. It's not what I would regard as a crop top (could be wrong).
Also, anything goes in the gym - you're there to work out in what feels comfortable.
You look fab BTW.

@outforawalkbiatch that is not a crop top. It's a tee shirt, albeit maybe a relatively short one.

This is a crop top

https://farm3.staticflickr.com/2842/9284750195_c829b68456_o.jpg

I don't know what my opinion is on this tbh.

But OP, I think if losing weight and wearing clothes you like the look of is what you want to do, then definitely aim for that.

Let's be honest, you shouldn't feel you need to lose weight for a man. But we do hold our partners opinion highly, so I understand you want to look attractive for him.

Losing weight will be beneficial in a lot of ways. You will be healthier, I would imagine, as long as you aren't dieting in an unhealthy way.

Prehaps once you have lost the weight and look amazing in those hot pants and crop top, you will be more confident to find a partner who is gentler with his words.

I wear one with shorts (not high rise) occasionally when it’s very warm. I was a teenager in the 1990s.

Tbf wearing a crop top and denim shorts as a size 16/18, just because local women who are a size10/12 look OK in them, is overdedicating yourself to fashion - a crop top is never a good look if you have a muffin top with denim to go.
Some larger people look fantastic in what they wear ( what's wrong with a wrap top, certainly better than a crop, and can show sexy cleavage?).
Your list of what you want to wear, just shows you want to wear what slim people do, but your not, so it's not a good look. Dressing appropriately to size, can make you look sexy, being determined not to, just means you're destined to look even bigger than you are, and it's so obvious.

My son's GF wears bodysuits, but she's 20, and probably a size8. Kinda think you might be getting age-appropriate wrong here too. Not seen anyone round my way above 30yrs wearing a bodysuit- late teens/20's mainly. You may have started young if you're under 30 with 3 DC's. But if over, the bodysuit ship has sailed and you're hankering for your youth too.

I dress for the body I have, not the one I wish I had….2 very different things! But there’s a whole middle ground between shorts and crop tops and ‘frumpy layers’

That’s not a crop top. By any stretch of the imagination, I’m sorry.

It may have been used in that way, but it is not exclusively a colonial value. For a start, modesty had to be exported from somewhere so it had value across Europe predating colonialism.

Some women naturally prefer a modest way of dress in any culture or religion. Not everyone wants to flash skin.

This. With bells on.

Oh come on, rail thin pale women in neutral colours became 'desirable' in order to contrast with the curvy bodies and colourful dress of the subject inferior 'races'. The marketing of images is tied to colonial legacies.

I think women happy in their skin look fab.

It's gone out of fashion to dress in a way that emphasises your best bits & plays down or hides the least flattering parts of the body. It's like Trinny & Susannah never happened.

People who care about appearances a lot often end up together & that's ok when they have the same values about grooming & dressing to impress, etc. It's not bad to be like that, it's just an incompatibility OP had with that fellow. Find someone who truly doesn't mind or even likes your dress sense.

As others have said, it's not okay for your partner to be rude or shame you. If you feel comfortable, you should wear what you want.

However, there is something to dressing for the occasion. If you're going to a beach or a club at midnight and want to wear a crop top and shorts, more power to you. But regardless of size, it's probably not appropriate to have your whole stomach out at a restaurant or the school drop off. As others have said, there are ways to incorporate these trends in ways that suit your surroundings. For example, a high waisted skirt/trousers paired with a crop top where only a small strip of skin is visible, or tailored shorts with heels and a top or blazer.

I totally hear you on the floral/polka dot patterns though. It's something I noticed as soon as I came to the UK as it seems to be very popular with British brands. Sometimes you need to shop around until you find brands that suit you. I'm a 10-12 but an hourglass shape so flowy tops and dresses will never flatter me. And being petite with thicker legs, the straight jeans that are trendy right now just make my legs look like tree trunks. I've found what works for me and stick to it, only incorporating trends if they suit me.

Another thing to keep is mind is that a lot of fast fashion brands use very cheap, flimsy materials which don't do much for people that aren't stick thin. I've found I've had to change where I shop as I get older. I know we're all struggling with budgets at the moment, but if you're not bothered about following every trend you don't need to buy as many clothes, so it may be worth spending a bit more on fewer, better quality items.

OP, if you enjoy wearing those clothes, then you shouldn't give a rats ass about the opinion of a man or indeed the women on here with their rules and regulations about what looks good at your size and age. It's highly subjective for one thing, and the fact that a certain demographic on MN don't want to see 'fat rolls' is really nothing to do with your life. You have the body you have and its entirely your business whether you choose to reveal, disguise or hide it. You need to feel comfortable and confident and take pleasure in the clothes you wear, and only you can decide which garments tick those boxes for you.

Were over anyway he's told me he doesn't want me anymore understandable iv pushed him away with my very low self esteem and confidence he says he doesn't want me to get laughed at or show him up but iv always take it has he doesn't want me to wear anything unless it's baggy and frumpy he says he loves chubby girls bit iv seen him look at the slim hot looking women in the street the ones that look the exact opposite to me in looks and body now he said I'm going regret it he will get a big partner to prove his point he adamant he's never taking me back I'm paying privately for theraphy as well it's a lot of money but I want to get the proper help that I need iv been a bitch over the years accusing him of cheating looking at other women he can't watch TV incase a pretty woman comes on because I feel jelaous he wishes I had her face and body typebhe says otherwise but I don't believe him im be jelaous one day when he's with someone it might be a wake up call he says I've sucked the life out of him and I'm blood suckling leach I'm a horrible insecure jelaous bitter person because I hate the way I look and want to be what I'm never be he deserves better not me..

Oh take no notice of him OP. He's a controlling nasty piece of work and you're well shot of him. You may well have issues with your self confidence, but being with some creepy half wit who ogles every woman who passes him in the street will have made that ten times worse. He's an inadequate creep OP, and men like him go for women with confidence issues like a magnet because they rely on you having a low bar because you don't think you deserve any better. Well, you do. And now this one's in the bin where he belongs you have a chance of meeting someone more deserving of you.

It's been going on for years he's only here for our girls and because I'm scared of being alone the thought of him meeting someone else makes me sick and emotional..