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Original poster

Told i don't have the body type

188 replies

Tomanyflaws · 15/10/2024 11:13

Is it ever ok for a man in a relationship to comment on his female partners type of outfits by telling her to wear something that flatters because it's embrassing when everything's hanging i am a plus size ze lady size 16_18 5ft 7 33 he says i dress like im a size 8 something that i definitely am fully aware i ain't is it ok for him to say your fat rolls are hanging out and iv got a pouch so I need to cover up i said i don't want to wear big frumpy baggy clothes like old style granny prints this was in summer when i had denim shorts and a crop top on he's always said he doesn't mind my size but wants me to cover up if he's much in love with me why would he be embarrassed about my body that he wants to hide it under frumpy layers he is now an ex hes wev had long issues he told me it's over thank god but his he unreasonable or is it me??

OP posts:
Ek1234 · 15/10/2024 12:41

I feel that everyone should be able to wear whatever they want, but also your partner is entitled to his opinion if he thinks it doesn't suit you.
Your partner has the choice to either embrace your style or leave the relationship if he finds it embarrassing.
Personally, I think that people should wear clothes that suit their shape, and would want my partner to be honest with me if I was wearing something unflattering. That is irrespective of size.
If you are content with your style, and your partner is not, then it sounds as though you are incompatible. But I don't think that he is in the wrong for giving his opinion.

BunnyLake · 15/10/2024 12:50

Well you can wear that type of clothing if you like but equally people don’t have to like it.

Seasonsofmists · 15/10/2024 12:53

If he’s being turned off by the way you dress then I think it’s right he tries to get you to adjust rather than just leave the relationship. And if you don’t want to adjust, he tried, and he should leave.

Ivehearditbothways · 15/10/2024 12:56

You wear whatever you want, but understand that some people won’t find it attractive and won’t want to be with you. That counts for make up as well, for Botox and lip fillers, crazy hair dyes… anything at all about your appearance. You do what you want, but there will always be people (no matter what you’re doing) who won’t find it attractive and won’t want to be with you. That’s just life.

Although, it really is better to dress in a way which flatters your shape rather than having fat rolls hanging out…

Cas112 · 15/10/2024 13:01

OP, there will be two types of people commenting on this

The ones who will tell you to dress how YOUR comfortable and f* what every one else thinks

And the ones who are a bit judgmental and tell you no one wants to see rolls. (this is mumsnet)

I personally think dress how you want but if your having a wobble and now feel unsure you will find lots of articles/social media influencers online who will be able to tell you how to dress for your body shape without looking frumpy

Crikeyalmighty · 15/10/2024 13:05

I'm a 16/18 ( but am 62) and yes I look shit in anything that shows off rolls and bulges so dress accordingly in fitting but funky clothes that don't emphasise it- but I know this myself- if my H pointed it out he would get short thrift but he just wouldn't

BobbyBiscuits · 15/10/2024 13:09

How rude! If it was coming from a place of love, then he could've just shown you a couple of outfits online and said he thinks you'd look nice in them, offer to buy you them? Not insult the clothes you clearly enjoy wearing.
Even then it's really none of his business how you dress. He's clearly body shaming you and trying to knock your confidence.
I bet he's not exactly a living embodiment of a
Adonis himself. Maybe you should start making remarks about the physical appearance of his balls?
Honestly he sounds like wrong 'un. Nobody should speak to someone like that about their appearance.

widelegenes · 15/10/2024 13:14

I think most woman of a size 18 with rolls of fat showing around their crop top will garner looks if they're out and about.
If it's OK for our partners to tell us we look great in a certain outfit, why isn't it OK for them to say when we don't? In a loving, trusting relationship that should be OK I think. Both ways as well.

Pyroleus · 15/10/2024 13:16

There are definitely tactful ways to express things. But if the shoe was on the other foot and DH decided to go out in a crop top and some hot pants, I wouldn't be walking down the street with him. His choice to wear them, my choice to refuse to go out with him. So the relationship would probably not last? This is normal.

SallyWD · 15/10/2024 13:23

Ok being honest here. Of course you should dress how you want. However, if my DH was wearing clothes that showed his big belly hanging out or whatever, I'd tell him it's not flattering! I'm sure most women would.

TheBoldHelper · 15/10/2024 13:23

I’ve been a size 18 and I’d not have gone out in a crop top and daisy dukes to be honest. And I’d have a quiet word if a good friend did. In saying that it’s your choice, but it’s something you’d likely get a lot of looks for, which could make a partner uncomfortable.

is that right or wrong, it’s subjective, and nuanced, but it simply is.

newnamethanks · 15/10/2024 13:33

Well, he doesn't have the brain type you want so you're well rid of him.

Fannyfiggs · 15/10/2024 13:41

A lot of us have been brainwashed into thinking the only acceptable body size is a size 10 or below.

Back in the day we were told Martine McCutcheon, Jessica Simpson & Kate Winslet were overweight.

This is possibly why, when a plus size woman dares wear clothes that show skin, we think it's not socially acceptable and she should cover up. I do it too and have to remind myself that if the woman is comfortable and feels good then good on her. It's only skin, it's only a body.

On saying that, your partner does have every right to his opinion. But how he articulates it is everything.

MaidOfAle · 15/10/2024 13:44

CaptainBeanThief · 15/10/2024 12:07

Is it abuse when he's telling the OP he doesn't like it when she's walking around in clothes that are showing bits that don't make her look particularly good or her best self and is trying to tell her that but not in the best way? Can we say that's abuse?

Show quote history

It's a huge red flag. It might start as "I just want you to look your best" but it's probably going to end with "cover yourself up, you look like a harlot" and "you're fat".

It's about him wanting to control her.

Ivehearditbothways · 15/10/2024 14:07

Fannyfiggs · 15/10/2024 13:41

A lot of us have been brainwashed into thinking the only acceptable body size is a size 10 or below.

Back in the day we were told Martine McCutcheon, Jessica Simpson & Kate Winslet were overweight.

This is possibly why, when a plus size woman dares wear clothes that show skin, we think it's not socially acceptable and she should cover up. I do it too and have to remind myself that if the woman is comfortable and feels good then good on her. It's only skin, it's only a body.

On saying that, your partner does have every right to his opinion. But how he articulates it is everything.

If you’ve got actual fat rolls, and your stomach hangs over your trousers then you are overweight, Kate Winslet and Martine McCutcheon really have nothing to do with that.
(I would be included in the overweight category btw. Why pretend I’m not overweight? I am. People with fat rolls are. Get over the made up offence. It’s a fact).

Garlicbest · 15/10/2024 14:08

CaptainBeanThief · 15/10/2024 12:07

Is it abuse when he's telling the OP he doesn't like it when she's walking around in clothes that are showing bits that don't make her look particularly good or her best self and is trying to tell her that but not in the best way? Can we say that's abuse?

Show quote history

Unless she's actually asked him if it suits her, or appointed him as her fashion consultant - yes. If it would be abusive coming from a stranger, it's worse coming from your partner.

User19876536484 · 15/10/2024 14:10

Garlicbest · 15/10/2024 14:08

Unless she's actually asked him if it suits her, or appointed him as her fashion consultant - yes. If it would be abusive coming from a stranger, it's worse coming from your partner.

Show quote history

If think it’s the other way round. Much worse coming from a stranger.

Mind you, I don’t regard it as abuse.

CameronStrike · 15/10/2024 14:12

He has the right to choose not to date someone who dresses in a way he finds unattractive. He doesn't have the right to dictate how his girlfriend dresses.

BadPeopleFan · 15/10/2024 14:34

I regularly see a very large girl (late teens maybe) local to me wearing skin tight leggings that show every lump and bump with a skin tight crop top - she looks awful.I understand she wants to dress like her friends but it just doesn't suit her, god only knows why her mother/close family haven't had a word.
My point is it is her choice to dress like that but my reaction to her is my own, no 300lb body positivity advocate will change my opinion. She could look lovely in some well fitting jeans and a top that comes past her belly button and I suspect that was what OPs partner was trying to tell her. Just because clothes are your size doesn't mean they flatter your body - this may not bother OP but it clearly bothered OPs partner enough that he left.

aCatCalledFawkes · 15/10/2024 14:39

He absolutely shouldn’t be telling you how to dress in an unhelpful way.

That said I think it’s ok for couples to tell each other what they like about what the other is wearing or to outfits that they don’t favour in a kind feedback way. I know my boyfriend prefers some of the dresses I wear over others but he’s always polite.

I also would disagree that more covered up is in more frumpy. I would look very frumpy in a string bikini or shorts with a crop top at a size 12, my post baby stomach would look awful. But well cut dresses in the right colour long or short with a pair of trainers in the summer do really suit me and I wear those a lot.

Katiesaidthat · 15/10/2024 14:59

Tomanyflaws · 15/10/2024 11:13

Is it ever ok for a man in a relationship to comment on his female partners type of outfits by telling her to wear something that flatters because it's embrassing when everything's hanging i am a plus size ze lady size 16_18 5ft 7 33 he says i dress like im a size 8 something that i definitely am fully aware i ain't is it ok for him to say your fat rolls are hanging out and iv got a pouch so I need to cover up i said i don't want to wear big frumpy baggy clothes like old style granny prints this was in summer when i had denim shorts and a crop top on he's always said he doesn't mind my size but wants me to cover up if he's much in love with me why would he be embarrassed about my body that he wants to hide it under frumpy layers he is now an ex hes wev had long issues he told me it's over thank god but his he unreasonable or is it me??

Dress how you like, but have compassion and use punctuation.

Good he is an ex.

TentEntWenTyfOur · 15/10/2024 15:04

CameronStrike · 15/10/2024 14:12

He has the right to choose not to date someone who dresses in a way he finds unattractive. He doesn't have the right to dictate how his girlfriend dresses.

He can choose who to date or not based on his own personal preferences, but it is disgustingly rude of him to insult someone's appearance and how they dress.

I bet he's no Adonis anyway.

BunnyLake · 15/10/2024 15:23

Well if my partner started dressing like Sam Smith I’d have a few choice words to say about it so it’s unfair of people to pretend they’d be absolutely fine and a partner can dress anyway they please.

Opentooffers · 15/10/2024 15:42

There is a balance between tasteful and not tastefully presented. However, it is anyone's right to dress less tastefully if they want. There have certainly been some sights this summer with the current fashion for skin tight Jersey shorts and crop tops. Some larger ladies do look awful in them. But hey, I do respect their right to do that if they want to.
He has no right to tell you what to wear, he does have a right to an opinion, and he has a right to avoid being seen with you if it embarrasses him. But he only gets to advise once and you get to chose to take it on board or not.
If you've always dressed similar and been a similar size since knowing him, he knew what he was getting, so has no grounds to complain.

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 15/10/2024 16:05

Men will stick their dick in a melon to get off, in an animal, your body is fine, he just likes putting you down.

Wear what you like and never give credence to a man who judges your body - in or out of clothes - especially when he's already slept with you.