Told i don't have the body type

[Tomanyflaws]

Is it ever ok for a man in a relationship to comment on his female partners type of outfits by telling her to wear something that flatters because it's embrassing when everything's hanging i am a plus size ze lady size 16_18 5ft 7 33 he says i dress like im a size 8 something that i definitely am fully aware i ain't is it ok for him to say your fat rolls are hanging out and iv got a pouch so I need to cover up i said i don't want to wear big frumpy baggy clothes like old style granny prints this was in summer when i had denim shorts and a crop top on he's always said he doesn't mind my size but wants me to cover up if he's much in love with me why would he be embarrassed about my body that he wants to hide it under frumpy layers he is now an ex hes wev had long issues he told me it's over thank god but his he unreasonable or is it me??

@Balloonhearts - completely with you. @Tomanyflaws - of course it’s up
to you what you wear but you mention wanting to look sexy. You absolutely can but not by squeezing into clothes that don’t suit you.

Lots of us are on the larger side. I’m a size 16/18. It took me a while to learn what suited. My bum and thighs are particularly hefty so you would never catch me in leggings because they are so unflattering. So I wear trousers that are full and/or have a bit of a flare at the bottom. I wear tunic-type tops, many of which show a bit of cleavage because my boobs look great. My waist is quite small relatively speaking so I sometimes wear belted dresses.

There’s all kinds of things you can look fab and feel sexy in, OP, but squeezing into tiny clothes probably isn’t going to do that for you. Play to your strengths!

What is a triangular bottom? Wide part at the top or wide part at the bottom. Intrigued?

😂 Not my favourite word either but I couldn't think of a better one to mean you have to be like straight up and down. No curves at all to look good in that. Possibly I dislike the word out of bitterness that I am no longer lithe or the right side of 30. 😆 Oh for the days...

Nah, just good ol’ fashioned negging.

What a disappointing bunch of responses.

Wear what you are comfortable and happy in. His comments are insulting towards you. He doesn’t get to dictate what you wear. I’m not sure why people think that certain styles are only for certain sizes but it’s really old fashioned and backward. I can’t imagine being so offended by the way a person’s skin folds. I would never tell my DH to hide his body (except when he’s walking around naked with the curtains open 🙄)

I'm fat as well and wear what I like - thankfully it just so happens I don't like to wear stuff that has my fat rolls hanging out though.

I'm just being honest here, as someone whom has struggled with my weight all my life, I don't understand people whom are overweight, and want to dress in ways which don't flatter their shape, and instead have it 'hanging out'.

If its entirely due to confidence and not giving a shit, that's genuinely what you want to wear - then fair play to you. You can absolutely wear whatever you want whether someone likes it or lumps it.

I wouldn't want to date an overweight man who insists on having his trousers sitting below his belly so his belly roll flaps over it, on show, though. Sorry - I just wouldn't. The overweight is fine, the belly rolls out, no. I personally feel its a lack of decorum and self awareness really, because it's obvious the clothes aren't fitting him properly/he's not wearing them properly. But then I wouldn't choose to date a man in the first place who dressed like that. Surely your partner must have known how you dressed when you started dating? Or has there been some change in either your weight, or your style, since you began dating?

He's not entitled to tell you what to wear. He's entitled to be honest if he doesn't like it though.

I think it’s unlikely you’re going to have a style revelation while living with three kids and an ex partner who makes you feel repulsive. If it’s over he needs to go. You’ll probably find yourself both dressing better and losing weight (in a good way) just from not having him around.

Gently, I think your DH is likely right and he’s not expressed it well. Shorts and crop tops?

I’m a 10-12 but a very strong core. I don’t wear crop tops of daisy dukes because, at my size, I look like the offspring of a hippo and a Shetland pony.

I think it’s great you want to look sexy, but equally ‘revealing more’ isn’t necessarily sexy most of the time. Age also plays a part - someone younger and a bit plump (teenager) looks better than someone 40 and plump

@Killingoffmyflowersonebyone your insecurities about your own body aren’t the OP’s problem though. Same goes for all the other women saying “I’m fat and your fella’s right”. She likes what she looks like in the clothes she wears. Imagine if you put something on and felt good and your loved one who apparently likes your body, effectively says “yuck, I can see your body shape in that”.
This isn’t about your opinions on what people should wear at a certain size. Can't you all hear how wildly prescriptive that is? If we dress to please other people, where do we come in the pecking order? Dressing to ‘suit your size’ is a fallacy drilled into you by the media. You don’t have to wear what they tell you. Wear what you’re comfortable and happy in.

Oh come on, there are absolutely loads of clothes in between full floral dress and shorts and a crop top.
For summer there are loads of (full length) broderie vest tops, plain vest tops, cute t-shirts, baggy t-shirts, linen shirts etc. There are also plenty of shorts that are a little bit longer (mid thigh).
Winter is easy if you like leggings and skinny jeans, just add a jumper.
If you are happy as you are then fine, carry on (although a previous poster did raise a good point about kids at school bullying your children about your clothing choices, kids can be cruel!) but I think you might be digging your heels in a little bit because you are hurt. Saying you have to wear shorts and crop tops in summer because you don't wear dresses is silly.

You can wear what you like but you can't expect people to like it.

If I wore something and looked daft, I wouldn't take exception to my husband telling me so, I'd expect him to...

It's not abuse like others are saying, that's just massively dramatic.

I'm trying to get sexy for him its taking a while.

I don’t get this comment, what does “trying to get sexy for him” mean? He’s expressed an opinion about the way you dress and you say that he’s wrong to express that opinion, which is an opinion you are entitled to. However, it does contradict your above statement because he is suggesting the way you dress is unflattering to him.

My style has changed since I’ve gained wait, it’s evolved because my body type has. I have more high waisted trousers in my wardrobe now because I find it more flattering and easier to pair with the most of the tops available, which hit my waist and don’t cover my arse.

OP wear what you want and what makes you feel comfortable but don’t claim “I'm trying to get sexy for him” when in reality you want him to be attracted to the way you dress and if he isn’t, he should STFU.

@ttcat37 I’m not insecure though. I know I’m attractive and not fat. But, I’m the wrong outfit, I look fat. And that’s the point, if someone who isn’t fat looks fat in shorts and crop tops, then someone who is overweight definitely does. Not all clothes suit everyone and that’s okay - I know what suits me and what makes me look good.

OP can wear what she likes but, ultimately, if she dresses in a way that is grossly unflattering for her body shape then people will comment and she needs to accept that. Wearing revealing clothes doesn’t necessarily make you look sexy, in fact in many cases people look the opposite. OPs DH was clumsy and phrased it badly, but he has a point.

We can crow about body positivity all we want but at the end of the day, some clothes do make people less attractive and that’s just a fact.

When i said getting some sexier meant losing weight for him.

OP you shouldn’t lose weight for him - do it for yourself and your kids.

Your relationship doesn’t sound great.

But also, it doesn’t sound like you are dressing for your shape/size/age if you are wearing crop tops and shorts. There is a middle ground between this look and frumpy/granny. I’m 37 and a size 10 and I would never wear this in a million years but I think I look nice and age appropriate in the clothes I wear, certainly not frumpy!

I think you need to separate out the issues a bit - are you happy in your relationship? Are you happy with your size? Does your style flatter the size you are right now?

I think the point is if you want to "be sexy for him"
Buying a midi dress for £25 is a lot easier than dropping half a stone

And its.alao not clear why . you'll do one but not the other.

I say this as someone who thinks you shouldnt dress to please a partner

well I don’t think a crop top looks nice on anyone so probably wouldn’t have any compliments on the outfit

So no one has ever seen a woman in public dress really badly for their age/shape and never thought, did she not look in the mirror before she left the house? Just me then.

Agreed. I'm surprised the number of people who are saying it's controlling or he's a misogynist. He hasnt asked her to lose weight, just pointed out that crop tops and shorts don't look good on her and she could wear more flattering clothes.
If my DH had a big beer belly and was wearing skin tight clothes that exposed his naked belly, I'd absolute say "Can't you wear something more flattering? Those clothes don't work with your shape". I'm not controlling, but it's perfectly natural for partners to comment when the other one looks particularly good or bad.
I'm sure all the women who are saying it's controlling have commented on their partners outfits in the past!
Also, I'm not sure why OP is saying she's trying to lose weight and be sexy for him, when he's now an ex.

I suspect some “it’s ok hun you wear what you want, more power to you” people in real life would not be accepting if their husband started dressing in tiny leather shorts and a cropped vest to go to Tesco. There’d be some words exchanged. At least I’m not being a hypocrite as I think how you dress is important.

You're way more polite than me as I’d be saying “what the fuck are you wearing, I’m not going out with you dressed like that”.

I’m also surprised anyone thinks this is controlling, abusive, or someone even bizzarely said negging. The oddest being it was worse if a partner told you and better if a stranger hollered it in the street. This would all be correct if he didn’t have a point. But let’s be honest, he does.

now sure women can dress as they please, 100 percent. Everyone can. But we all know size 18 wearing a crop top and daisy dukes or even leggings and a short top. Is not a flattering look. And I say that as someone who has been that size. It will draw attention, no matter how much we dislike that, and not in a positive way.

if my husband started wearing tight tops with his belly on display. I'd say something. Eventually I’d get frustrated and possibly not say it well if he kept doing it. I’m neither controlling, abusive or negging him. Simply I don’t wish him to embarrass himself or me. I don’t want people to look at him and think badly. I love him, I want others to respect him, and having his naked belly rolls out in public will not be positive for him.

i understand the op wants to dress sexy and like her friends. But you can do that whilst dressing for your shape. It is not granny prints or daisy dukes. There is a whole spectrum of clothing out there to pick from.

I would WANT my partner to tell me if what I'm wearing looks crap!

@Killingoffmyflowersonebyone but you have an issue with looking fat in clothes. Lots of women don’t. It’s just the shape of your body. Many, many people love/ prefer a 16-18 and find that size much more attractive than a 10. They find a 16-18 in crop top and hot pants much more appealing than a 10 in those clothes. What you think suits certain body sizes is not universal thinking.

The important part here is OPs DP didn’t think she looked good in it. The point is that he’s very entitled to think that, and she is entitled to think she looks great - but it doesn’t mean she does.

We’ll have to agree to disagree - OP asked for views and the overall consensus on this thread is that she likely doesn’t look half as good as she thinks she does. And I agree with that.

We can crow about body positivity all we want but at the end of the day, some clothes do make people less attractive and that’s just a fact.

Yes.