Told i don't have the body type

[Tomanyflaws]

Is it ever ok for a man in a relationship to comment on his female partners type of outfits by telling her to wear something that flatters because it's embrassing when everything's hanging i am a plus size ze lady size 16_18 5ft 7 33 he says i dress like im a size 8 something that i definitely am fully aware i ain't is it ok for him to say your fat rolls are hanging out and iv got a pouch so I need to cover up i said i don't want to wear big frumpy baggy clothes like old style granny prints this was in summer when i had denim shorts and a crop top on he's always said he doesn't mind my size but wants me to cover up if he's much in love with me why would he be embarrassed about my body that he wants to hide it under frumpy layers he is now an ex hes wev had long issues he told me it's over thank god but his he unreasonable or is it me??

They find a 16-18 in crop top and hot pants much more appealing than a 10 in those clothes.

But many other people, including OP's partner, do not!

This 100%

I’m the same, but to some on MN it’s LTB territory.

So the point is that OP’s partner shares your opinion. He can think what he wants but ultimately if he doesn’t find her attractive then that’s the issue, not the way she dresses. I’d argue that he isn’t entitled to tell a woman happy and comfortable in her outfit that she shouldn’t wear it just because he doesn’t like it.
Gen Z is thankfully a more open minded generation so hopefully the outdated opinions about dressing for size/ shape/ age will change.

so hopefully the outdated opinions about dressing for size/ shape/ age will change.

Outdated?

There's nothing 'outdated' about finding a fat body squeezed into tight hot pants or a crop top unattractive.

Absolutely this.
There is a fine line between being confident and delusional.
Watch an episode of MAFS UK dinner party and that should explain it😁

I pretty much agree with this.

I agree. This, and not style advise, is the point of this thread.
He sounds nasty, OP. Good riddance!

He definitely should have been more tactful but he was probably being truthful that he didn't think those clothes flatter your shape.

I used to be a size 6-8 in my 20s and now I'm a size 12 in my 30s, many of the styles that suited me before don't any more. I definitely wouldn't wear daisy dukes and a crop top any more, as I only think they look good on very slim, young, toned women. It's a style for teenagers and early 20s imo. I don't think I dress like a granny, I dress more sophisticated than I did because I am more grown-up and dress to be taken seriously.

If you genuinely feel that crop tops and daisy dukes are the best "look" for you, then you will need to find a partner who finds that look attractive, but I think most people think that very tight, revealing styles aren't a great look on most body shapes.

I don't look good in them i just wear them because that's what i see woman ly age wear around here in summer crop tops bodysuits and shorts etc i hate to look the odd one out because I'm fat im losing weight hopefully I'll be more socially acceptable looking enough to wear what i want next summer.

Ach I feel rotten for you. It’s so hard isn’t it. I think it’s also about maturity and confidence though to be fair. Dressing in a way you don’t think looks good to try to follow fashion is never going to make you feel good about yourself.

it’s honestly not about your weight as such, it’s more dressing for our bodies, our size, you need to focus on what you look good in, not what you think others look good in. You can do this. There are outfits all of us can’t pull off. So we don’t wear them.

so for example a fitted t shirt would look fine and a pair of longer line shorts, or jeans, I’m sure you’ve seen everyone wearing these things. But honestly it is better to dress and look good, feel confident, than try to emulate other women who you wish to look like, if they are a totally different body shape to you.

I'm not happy in anything i hate myself the way i look my body is gross just wanting to feel sexy and fashionable without hiding every bit of skini don't want long skirts or long dresses or wrap tops or long tops nothing tent like i want to look sexy in ly clothes it's the reason I'm losing iv seen him looking at women thinner than me i want to be one of those types not a unattractive peice of lard I'm trying the weights coming of I've lost 1 stone 5 pounds i only need to lose another 2 to look less like a bag of shit..

I'm going to be completely honest
I was a size 8 and since thyroid issues now a size 16
And you can't wear the same things in terms of flattery points.
Your body changes esp in your 30's
Your stomach is not an asset anymore
But other parts defo are.
Maybe try wearing something fitted at the chest and loose at the stomach ..it looks super flattering and you will turn heads.
Or skater dresses..wrap dresses
Look your best .. have confidence
And only you know your relationship but also know your worth!!!

So you know you don't look good in them, but dislike him saying so?

I actively wanted my late DH to let me know if something I wore or tried on, suited me. And I'd tell him if an outfit didn't work for him.

If this was a case of you thinking you looked stunning, and him putting you down offensively, this would be a different situation. But you know he's right. Wearing what works for people with entirely different bodies, isn't 'fitting in'.
If wearing a crop top means that you have rolls of fat hanging out, your not fitting in, you're standing out, and opening yourself up to unpleasant comments.

It's very possible to look sexy and attractive at a size 18, but daisy dukes and a crop top isn't going to do it.

I just googled 'flattering outfit size 18 young woman' and got loads of YouTube videos in the results, that were styling people like you.
Maybe have a look at those for non-frumpy ideas?

In some hotter countries, for everyday life women wear quite skimpy clothes. Some are very curvy. Ethnicity and class may factor into whether people in those countries judge those women. I think it looks fine and as summers get hotter we can learn from places like that how to dress and manage heat. (It's also possible to wear light floaty summer clothes that cover a lot, of course, but that should be personal choice.)

‘Sexy’ isn’t one look, and what is sexy on one person is not on another.

Sexy comes in many looks.

From your update It doesn’t sound as if you feel happy with yourself. You are doing fantastically well with the weightloss you are embarked on, but alongside that find ways to look at your view of your self worth and self value. Measuring yourself against people who wear crop tops as the ultimate sign of ‘sexy’ might not help.

There are also a lot of hot countries where people cover up. They wear very loose, thin cotton clothes. I do this. I actually find it cooler to have a thin, light layer of material than to have sun burning my bare flesh. My in-laws live in southern Europe and always ask why British people expose so much flesh. They wear long sleeves in the sun.

You don’t have to show skin or flash flesh to look sexy. Wearing what suits you is far more attractive than wearing something unflattering.

Agree. I don’t actually think flashing a lot of skin is particularly sexy and less is more.

Wearing well fitting clothes that suit you with confidence and a little hint of what’s underneath is far far sexier imo

You don’t have to show skin or flash flesh to look sexy.

On the contrary, wearing loose fitting clothes that don't reveal much skin is far sexier imo, regardless of body shape or size. Much classier too!

Yes, in your opinion. But I'm thinking of the Americas and Caribbean. (And some people in Europe.) And not about sexiness but about lack of shame in personal choice. And discriminatory reasons for judging those free women. The OP is now saying she feels gross and comparing herself to a bag of sh*t. That's not OK! She was comfortable and the eyes of love will find her beautiful.

Why would someone be squeezed into it? I'm fat but I'm capable of buying a crop top or shorts in my size
People always seem to imply we are stuffing ourselves into things

Firstly, you think people from these countries aren't shamed for being overweight? In my experience of knowing people from the Carribean, South America, and various countries in Europe and Asia is that they absolutely are shamed, way more than women in the UK. I have a south American friend and whenever she goes home there's a chorus of disapproval about her weight and how she looks like a "fat pig", according to her family. For context, she's about a size 12. And I have friends from Portugal, Spain, Greece and when they go home they get comments like "Eurgh, you're getting so white and fat, like British women".
Secondly, I'm not sure OP was actually that comfortable in those clothes. Her later posts say that she was only wearing them because that's what her friends of the same age wore. She saw more modest clothing as tentlike and unsexy but it seems she didn't actually like how she looked in the crop tops and shorts.

They are shamed along racist and classist lines. But the people doing the shaming , who often aspire to being light skin/middle class aren't taken seriously except maybe by their families and the privileged few. Who are not the majority. I find the use of the words classy and modest on this thread and elsewhere abhorrent as they go back to colonial norms.

See also the joy in varied body type in Notting Hill Carnival. 'Thick' bodies rock.