Told i don't have the body type

[Tomanyflaws]

Is it ever ok for a man in a relationship to comment on his female partners type of outfits by telling her to wear something that flatters because it's embrassing when everything's hanging i am a plus size ze lady size 16_18 5ft 7 33 he says i dress like im a size 8 something that i definitely am fully aware i ain't is it ok for him to say your fat rolls are hanging out and iv got a pouch so I need to cover up i said i don't want to wear big frumpy baggy clothes like old style granny prints this was in summer when i had denim shorts and a crop top on he's always said he doesn't mind my size but wants me to cover up if he's much in love with me why would he be embarrassed about my body that he wants to hide it under frumpy layers he is now an ex hes wev had long issues he told me it's over thank god but his he unreasonable or is it me??

Just like him being repulsed that he wanted me to hide away.

So he has told you that you repulse him? In your original post you said that he says he doesn’t mind your size but has suggested that you dress for your size not for a size 8.

I just didn't sorry

He hasn't said he his repulsed he has told me to put a cover on though..

He still here it's not that simple we have 3 kids together.

Exactly.
I'm a 14-16 there's certain things I just wouldn't wear.
Tight jeans with things tucked in for example. I hate my 'pouch'
When I wore skinny jeans it was always with a longer top.
I hate that look of a belly hanging under the waistband.

I think how he says it is important. He should not be nasty about it but I think he's allowed to voice his feelings on it. My ex was obese and while it didn't bother me and I loved him for him I did find it repulsive when he wore tight tips that were too short so his fat apron hug out or where his arse hung out the back of his trousers because they were a terrible fit. He mostly wore this stuff dossing around the house so I held my tounge but if he was out and about like that all the time I may have politely said it's not a great look for him. Our relationship ended for other reasons but if he'd ever asked why I was not in the mood for sec and it was on a day he was dressed like that I would have nicely told him exposed fat was off putting.

We're you big when you met and always dressed like this? I think that's different because he can't come along and change who you are and the style you like. But if you got big after you met or have changed your style I think it's respectful to consider what he's said. He's only talking clothes he's not demanding you loose weight which would be unkind perhaps

No I wasn't i was 12 _14 maybe iv had 3 kids since so I'm size 16-18 was 18.20 but iv lost weight I'm trying to get sexy for him its taking a while..

how can it be abuse to suggest your partner wears more flattering clothes ?!

Sounds to me like he did you a favour.

I’m all for body positivity but we need to recognise what suits us. Nobody wants to see my fat knees in a mini skirt (least of all me) so they’re off limits. No matter how nice the skirt is, it won’t look nice on me.

I think a lot depends on how the other person is commenting on the clothes.
Theoretically - we should wear what we want, men and women.
But in reality - clothes can be really unflattering on people. And we, of course, care what the partner next to us looks like.

So - if my partner puts on some weight, it might not bother me. (at least initially, until it gets to a point when it does). But lets assume he just put on a bit of weight, and his clothes start looking tight and showing his bulge. Of course, I'd prefer he put something on that doesn't emphasise his stomach.

It's human nature to want to look good to the world - on your own and with your partner.

I'd absolutely tell my partner to out something flattering on, if he cant see that something does not look good on him. Men can also say it to women. It's not abuse.

Crop tops with shorts rarely look good on grown women. And certainly not a great look in plus size.

It's hard to find stuff that's fashionable and not full of floral patterns or ugly prints and i don't do dresses unless it's a wedding or something i don't like skirts at all i wear mostly leggings or skinny jeans and a top or shorts and crop tops in vot weather..

Wear what you want to wear and feel comfortable in but that doesn't mean he has to find it attractive or that it suits your body shape

It all depends how he said it really but it comes across as he does like your body but thinks you should wear clothes that flatter your figure more as it's not really attractive seeing fat rolls hanging out but that doesn't mean you have to be frumpy or wear granny clothes

If he's dictating what you can and can't wear or making fun of or criticising your body after dc that's another matter

but if I looked ridiculous in something and I am not saying you do I would like my dh dc or a friend to be honest and politely tell me

In the nicest possible way- “just because it zips, doesn’t mean it fits”

try to go for more flattering styles. Im not saying hes right, you can dress of course how you want to. Wear whatever feels comfy and makes you feel fabulous idk

Please don’t go around your kid’s school wearing daisy dukes and crop tops. For their sake. However much we all want to cry that you can dress how you like, it’s just not how it works with kids in school. Your children will be mocked for how you dress if you have rolls of fat hanging out of a crop top.

Oh look, here come the shaming tactics.

Do you really not see how men police women's clothing as a means of control? Has the whole burka thing in Saudi Arabia passed you by? Aren't you aware of how men use "negging" to undermine women's self-esteem to control us?

🤣🤣🤣🤣 same! I’d never say “you’re too fat to wear that” (I have more tact 😉) but I have definitely said in the last month “we are NOT going to this wedding with you wearing that”.

I’m a size 20 and believe me, I in no way dress frumpy as I understand the difference between dressing classy and dressing frumpy, and I don’t think I own anything with “granny prints”

to be honest without sounding conceited I dress stylish and keep up with the trends I like, my husband is very toned and is a 30” waist he loves how I dress and I if I ask for an honest opinion I hope he would do me a favour and respond with an honest answer, I saw you have three children and I myself have four children that die of embarrassment if I wore little shorts and a crop top

I am in no way saying what your partner did was right by the way his delivery sounded awful and I’d be completely angered by it

That was quite the sentence.

Is that not a case of "the event is black-tie so you can't wear jeans"?

So if fat people shouldn't wear crop tops and shorts, what do you think slim people should not wear?

You're the same height and size as me and despite carrying it well, I'm a good 7 stone past the point of being able to wear crop tops. Fat hanging out is not a good look. Unless you're a lithe, size 8 teenager, a crop top doesn't look good on you.

You know sometimes you see someone in a short top and nude coloured see through leggings and you think 'Christ why do her friends not quietly tell her that we can read the label on her knickers? '

Sometimes those conversations have to be had. I had a playsuit once that I thought looked fine. From the front, it did. It did not look fine from the back. Or the side. Or basically any other angle. I am eternally grateful to my friend for taking a pic and showing me. It came across a bit blunt but he did not allow me to go to college looking like SuperSizeMe Cindy and I am thankful for it.

Body positivity is great but that does mean dressing in clothes that suit and flatter the body I have. Not the one I had 4 kids and a few hundred cheeseburgers ago.

"Lithe size 8 teenager" 🤢