MIL gave toddler milk when she is allergic and was impressed with herself.

[Ghostcushion]

I’ve been having issues with my MIL who seems to have to have the last word about everything and she always thinks she is right.

She had our toddler at the weekend and when we collected her she says. Oh we just gave her whatever we were eating, I didn’t bother checking or not if it contained milk but I know the pie did.

She has been milk free for almost 2 years. Failed the milk challenge a few months ago screaming in pain with diarrhoea. She always questions my decisions like I’m making it all up. Daughter is under the dietician her whole life because of the allergy and terrible reflux.

Im not sure what to say to her? She was literally smirking at me that she got one up on me. She has no idea or no care whether this caused our child pain she just looked to be trying to get one up. I’ve made it clear over the years she doesn’t have milk. She also when I picked her up listed all the things that she has done differently to me…. Eg I didn’t give her any of those treats you left with us, I didn’t need to use the dummy as much as you etc etc.

Do you need her help with childcare or did she have toddler just for fun? If for fun, that can stop. If you need her help you have a bigger problem.

well, I wouldn’t be letting her have your daughter unsupervised again and I’d be spelling out how bloody stupid she’s being for starters.

Stop the childcare, stop the unsupervised visits. This woman is dangerous . I say this from someone who suffers sever allergic reactions and anaphylaxis. If your dd had reacted badly she could have ended up needing the hospital, all so this vile woman can be right.

Most importantly how is your DC now? It may be worth explaining to MIL the consequences you've had to deal with today as a result of her actions?

That's awful, i certainly wouldn't allow her to look after my DC if she can't take proper care of them. She doesn't seem to care that she could make your DD very ill, which puts her at risk.

I'd grin right back at her and inform her exactly why she won't be babysitting again.

What did her son say to her?

Dont leave her unsupervised with her anymore.

There is absolutely no way she would be seeing my child even supervised let alone looking after her as childcare or having unsupervised visits if this was my child.

The fact she did it deliberately and knowing it would cause her grandchild to be in pain and unwell would be unforgivable in my opinion. What kind of sadistic person acts like that!

Well she doesn't get to look after her again, ever.

And tbh I wouldn't be having her in my house either, same as anyone else who deliberately hurt my child to make some sort of point. People who fuck about with allergies really piss me off.

That's outrageous. I'd stop her having unsupervised contact. Your child isn't a science.experiment.

I have a couple of in laws who tried this with my children. It's such revolting and dangerous behaviour

She said it to me, partner was in another room. I’ve not mentioned to him because it would probably cause another argument. She keeps making comments to me when he isn’t in the room. She has mentioned before that this whole milk thing is silly and I feel like she is proving me wrong. I don’t know how daughter was as she was still with them. It’s not the point really she knows she can’t have any milk until we do another milk challenge.

Why have you not told your partner? That's more concerning to be honest.

You have to tell you partner. Why wouldn't you? Why would it cause an argument?

Last time child was left in her care. End of story.

Because he’ll say he didn’t hear it and I’m just causing issues. It’s a common thing really. She says things out of his ears. I tell him, she asks her and she denys it or says she didn’t mean it that way….

And you need to talk to your husband. Now!

So he doesn't support you? If so you have a MIL problem and a DH problem.

Urggghh my ex MIL used to do this with grapes. Wouldn't cut them up for my kids when they were tiny. Choking risk IMHO.
Ex H chose his family in the end.
He's stuck living with MIL 🤣🤣

I think so. She acts all lovely but she is constantly trying to prove me wrong in all my decisions. I don’t know why. Then Denys it to him.

I would take the bull by the horns in a situation like that, if he then asks her and she denies it, you say (you must be there when he asks her) 'so I need clarification for the medical team, did you, or did you not given her something that had milk in it, the doctors will need to know'

Put her on the spot about it. She is either lying to you for some strange reason, or lying to him for an obvious reason (that she did in fact give the milk)

If your daughter showed no signs of illness, my money is that she didnt.

Repeat what she said to you, in front of your partner, and ask her to confirm you've understood correctly. Do this every time. I appreciate she may backtrack but for your own sanity I think you have to.

I think she just enjoyed getting one up on me, or looking superior. It’s how it always feels. If she did then that’s sick. If she said it just to causes some worry in me then that’s sick.

It's possible if it was only a small amount the wash the top, it was small enough not to affect your toddler also a few months later she might be ready to try milk in a very small amount again anyway as it's about the time where children who have not been able to tolerate certain foods become able. All that said it's such a breach of trust to go against your instructions, ultimately though your dh is a major concern too as he sides with his mum

It’s happens all the time. I make a comment in a conversation and she’ll find some way to shoot me down. I don’t see them very much, I wriggle out of it because I’m not really welcomed.

DH supports you or MIL?

Its is, it is highly manipulative. However for your own sake you'll be able to know and also update the doctors geniuinely about what she has or hasnt had

I think Im inclined to think its just something she said to make you worry and have a little dig at you.