Anyone watching married at first sight? Eve showing classic signs of narcissism/abuse

[Waitforit7]

What are your opinions? I’m seeing a classic love bomber, even down to the smile and way she holds herself, she seemed determined to almost immediately engage in push pull, and seems to be eroding slowly Charlie’s sense of self and self esteem. Charlie is mildly histrionic and attaches herself very quickly, but it seems her attachment remains, eve is the typical player, goes all in, and then once she’s hooked someone starts to withdraw, stonewall, punish at any sign of emotion, and talk a lot about essentially how dramatic the other person is and how she has to walk on eggshells? Isn’t it funny that the people who say “I just hate drama” are the ones who tend to constantly create it? Eve has only stopped the love bombing because Charlie was hooked so fast and easily, they are incredibly bad pairing. Eve seems to enjoy seeing how quickly she can get Charlie emotional and seems to always be slyly pushing buttons. She creates situation after situation but puts it all down to Charlie’s emotions and is already smear campaigning her as an angry person who shouts and is abusive. She’s accused her of shouting when she’s not shouting she’s just upset, and seems to get off as a classic narc does when Charlie emotionally explodes while playing herself off a cool, mature, and drama free. Don’t get me wrong, Charlie seems insecure and too invested too quickly but that’s exactly what a narcissist gets off on. I can on one hand understand the pressure of the experiment, but eve acted as though she’d found her soulmate and now she is in the devalue/ semi discard/ gaslighting stage/ smear campaigning to others subtly, what do you guys think?

I disagree. I think Charlie is really needy and it gave Eve claustrophobia. I think she did need her to back off but instead it made things worse. I feel sorry for Eve because I think she's trying to explain her feelings and Charlie isn't interested and it's all about her.

I disagree. I think eve is the one who has bought the drama in to the relationship, Charlie will listen to her, and eve will make promises (eg leaving for 20 minutes to process her thoughts) and after the conversation eve will again leave for the night. I’m suspicious that eve went on the show to get screen time and potentially have her pick of lots of women after. To me she comes across as a major player. She shuts down the slightest emotion, and is gaslighting Charlie/ saying she’s raising her voice when she isn’t, saying she’s fighting when they aren’t…… she has no ability to deal with the conflicts that she has created.

I agree that Charlie is needy, but eve shouldn’t have lovebombed and slept with her so soon if she wasn’t sure about how she was feeling. I also believe she is only needy BECAUSE of the major head mess that is push and pull/lovebombing/shutting down someone’s emotions when you pretended to be so into them previously. Charlie hasn’t a clue where she stands, she thought they’d found a connection and then eve just withdrew. Narcissists do this because they can’t keep up the mask they used to get sex for very long. Charlie is the more genuine out of the two. Eve also shouldn’t have gone on the experiment- the majority wouldn’t go on it precisely because it’s too much deep intimacy and close contact with a total stranger. She’s barely spent any time to get to know Charlie apart from to shag her a few times.

I think Charlie is not only needy, she's aggressive. Can't blame Eve for being freaked out.

I agree with you. I've also experienced a narcissist and the flicker in Charlie's face when she isn't getting her own way is very familiar.

Wow. Fascinating how we all see different things.

I don't know about narcissism proper, but Eve seems really avoidant and is definitely gaslighting (buzz word bingo). I'm frustrated on Charlie's behalf. Yes she's over the top, maybe clingy, but I only see her trying to talk, explore and be positive. Eve has massive issues. And I'd see her as destroying someone's self esteem very slowly but surely.

100%, eve has already figured out Charlie’s trigger words (and the actions) that make her melt down into emotion and she is aggressively pursuing it, she attempts to gain the upper hand by essentially painting Charlie as the aggressor, when it is eve that has been inconsistent and bought drama in. If eve wanted to take it slow, she should have taken it slow, but she lovebombed to the max and then withdrew. She made Charlie invest to the point where eves criticisms of her now sting so badly because she wants her to like her so much, and be as into her as she was before, that she’s desperately trying to claw it back. That’s why she goes from calm and trying to talk, to having a meltdown when she sees that eve doesn’t really give an F. Classic example is the episode that’s just be on, eve couldn’t even be arsed to do the task, and any emotion from Charlie about her not doing the task and eve has pulled out a trigger word “you’re always fighting with me” what she means in classic narc style, is I will do as I please, you will behave, and if you show emotion I will walk out/ stonewall you/ denigrate your character and make out our relationship to be unworkable. She’s training Charlie. She wouldn’t have the balls to do this with someone who wasn’t as emotionally fragile as charlie. For the person that called Charlie and narcissist and the look when she doesn’t get her own way- what is her own way, what’s she trying to achieve! She wants to feel the initial connection was actually real. This is just a sped up version of a narc relationship. Do you see the flicker on eves face when Charlie begins to lose control and melts down? It’s a narc look, a barely there millisecond smirk, which you would recognise if you recognise how these people operate. Charlie essentially was so vulnerable in that letter, and eve took a vulnerable moment and made it once again, a drama, because she’s making zero effort, she already knows Charlie is hooked and she can take her or leave her.

I look at it differently. I believe that Eve avoids conflict and anytime she senses the slightest bit of conflict she can't cope. It could actually stem from her own experiences (perhaps she grew up in a chaotic home or had to witness certain things growing up?) I think her body goes into flight mode and she doesn't know how to address the feelings she feels in these moments.

Charlie on the other hand needs constant reassurance and is more on the clingy side due to her experiences growing up.

I do feel as though Charlie is more willing to try and meet in the middle but I believe that she needs more reassurance from Eve to make her feel secure within their relationship, whereas Eve needs space and time to think and process.

Eve has an avoidant attachment style and Charlie an anxious attachment style, it's a recipe for disaster.
It's never going to be a healthy pairing

Charlie seems aggressive. In her words and actions. It feels to me that when Eve sees a little of it she can’t cope at all, tbh I think I’d feel the same.

When people act like Charlie is acting, in a relationship on this show, where they has been no faked connection, clearly no attraction from the other partner or the other partner is taking it slow, I’m the first to say the needy partner is being creepy, that they’ve only just begun the experiment and you can’t make someone like you.

But this was different, tbe way eve did things. Remember that the drama only started because eve went from being all over Charlie to just instantly shutting down, needing space, moving out, and the next day they’re cuddling and shagging and then eves off again that very night staying somewhere else. It’s a head mess. It wouldn’t surprise me if eve has another relationship on the outside, or if she is just used to one night stands, and can’t sustain the connection she claims to intially feel for someone.

Yes eve has an avoidant attachment style, which is another hallmark of a narc, not all avoidants are narcs, but almost all narcs are avoidant. I just see more going on than an avoidant attachment style. Contrary to you thinking she can’t handle the drama, I think like a classic narc she kicks the drama off and doesn’t take accountability for how she’s hurting someone. Narcs are like arsonists. They throw a match into a building, watch it burn, hear the people screaming, and then walk away saying it’s all too dramatic for them. The narc is always the victim and never the one making serious attempts at healing and repair

They're both as bad as each other. A toxic combination. Doomed to failure!

I think in the real world, they would have had a one night stand, Charlie would have wanted more, and eve would either have strung her along or shut it down. Eve is no doubt trapped in a situation where the pressure is too much for her, she I believe is the type to use people and more than likely cheat when she’s chipped away at her primary partner enough. She doesn’t seem to have insight that withdrawing, walking out mid conversation, when Charlie was barely raising her voice is frustrating and painful, she is the one not listening and it is HER drama. The topic of the drama is her sudden withdrawals and spending next to no time in the relationship that she signed up for

Eve got her flying monkeys lined up from the first dinner party, it wasn’t even subtle. They will be along to help in her abuse soon enough

They are both awful tbf.

Are you perhaps projecting your own experiences onto this a bit op? They’re both deeply problematic but Charlie was really hard work from the off too, both absolutely as bad as each other but in different ways.

Remember it’s a tv show that has been heavily edited to create maximum drama, no one can really tell what was said, when and the context because you are only seeing a snapshot of the whole story.
They are a bad match because it makes for better viewing.

There's always so much we don't see isn't there? I think it's coming across that Charlie is trying but Eve is shocking at handling any hint of conflict and seems over emotional. But Charlie was also on another reality dating show and I'm wondering if Eve now knows that, hence the distrust?

They're not the greatest bunch this year are they so far? More than half are living separately or waltzing off at every opportunity!

Eve is fairly typical of service users in the part of Belfast where she lives. Sorry. It isn’t narcissism it is trauma. That’s just how many are in the community from which she hails.

It’s evident the control that eve is attempting to have over Charlie, the intital lovebombing to the sudden withdrawal, and now attacking her in various ways, and punishing her for having any feelings about the changes. Nobody needs to project anything on this situation. Avoidants should stick to one night stands, I’m not sure why she went on this show. Best case scenario she hoped it would change her outlook and lead to a serious relationship/ changes within her that would lead to her actually being able to sustain a relationship if she believed they would find her perfect match, plus help from “experts”. I’m too cynical to believe that though. I think she went on the show for screen time and to pick up a hot woman at some point down the line.

The problem with the experts is the bizarre belief that pairing opposites somehow balances each other out, like with like always works best. Nobody needs to be put in a position where their inner demons manifest tenfold because the person they are paired with is from another planet.

most of the relationships on this show fail, there is less than a 20% success rate, nobody can expertly pick someone you will just feel “right” with, even if it looks good on paper. In most of these cases, it doesn’t even look good on paper. The ones that last are the ones that are like two peas in a pod in various ways. The experts have made some shitty moves this year. Pairing a beautiful woman Emma with a man whose twin sister looks just like her, pairing a deep feeling vulnerable guy (Jamaican guy can’t remember his name) with an emotionally unintelligent, paranoid, cold fish. Pairing turkey teeth mullet minger with a lovely lady who is the opposite of his stated type, it’s already reasonably clear that most of them won’t make it.

I just don’t think they’re right for each other full stop.

Eve absolutely has her faults, however within 48 hours of meeting Charlie was snapping at Eve any time she wasn’t glued to her on the honeymoon.

In normal circumstances that level of intensity from someone you’ve just met would send you running for the hills so I can’t say I blame her for being overwhelmed.

Eve was keen on the wedding day yes, but is that any different to the real world when you go on a fantastic first date with someone, feel excited, only to go on the second or third date and realise they’re actually not for you at all? I don’t think that’s lovebombing, it’s just changing your mind over you’ve gotten to know someone better.

For sure I see all that, and maybe eve could be taken more seriously if she wasn’t having sex with Charlie in between stonewalling her. When you have sex with someone it’s not a joke, it creates a deeper connection for many people. They weren’t two people who met in a club and had a one night stand, or went on a first good date which went wrong. she signed up for an experiment where she knew she might not even fancy the person she was paired with, and she’s made zero effort to form a connection with Charlie that isn’t just occasional sex. Because of the nature of the experiment, she shouldn’t have treated it like a casual one night stand situation but made very sure she was into her before sleeping with her

I’ve personally never felt that level of intensity with anyone where it hasn’t led to full on love and commitment, so maybe I just don’t understand the mindset

The 'love bombing' that you are talking about only lasted for the wedding day and then Charlie was all gooey eyed and acting like they were in love. That would put most people off even if they were into the person surely?