Anyone watching married at first sight? Eve showing classic signs of narcissism/abuse

[Waitforit7]

What are your opinions? I’m seeing a classic love bomber, even down to the smile and way she holds herself, she seemed determined to almost immediately engage in push pull, and seems to be eroding slowly Charlie’s sense of self and self esteem. Charlie is mildly histrionic and attaches herself very quickly, but it seems her attachment remains, eve is the typical player, goes all in, and then once she’s hooked someone starts to withdraw, stonewall, punish at any sign of emotion, and talk a lot about essentially how dramatic the other person is and how she has to walk on eggshells? Isn’t it funny that the people who say “I just hate drama” are the ones who tend to constantly create it? Eve has only stopped the love bombing because Charlie was hooked so fast and easily, they are incredibly bad pairing. Eve seems to enjoy seeing how quickly she can get Charlie emotional and seems to always be slyly pushing buttons. She creates situation after situation but puts it all down to Charlie’s emotions and is already smear campaigning her as an angry person who shouts and is abusive. She’s accused her of shouting when she’s not shouting she’s just upset, and seems to get off as a classic narc does when Charlie emotionally explodes while playing herself off a cool, mature, and drama free. Don’t get me wrong, Charlie seems insecure and too invested too quickly but that’s exactly what a narcissist gets off on. I can on one hand understand the pressure of the experiment, but eve acted as though she’d found her soulmate and now she is in the devalue/ semi discard/ gaslighting stage/ smear campaigning to others subtly, what do you guys think?

Initial impression of Charlie is someone confident, self aware, positive and intelligent

Yes she's too tactile and over emotional. Suspect she's used to finding this in other women that she's been in relationships with so that what she knows.

Eve has a dark side and has managed to reduce Charlie to a nervous wreck in just a short time.

If this was real life, i think Charlie would have checked out by now

Suspect they will be removed before too much
Longer

I don’t know that she would have checked out, the narc speciality is finding confident secure people to break down, and their methods are tried and tested. The type a narc goes for is someone with a lot of mileage, someone who will overcome a lot and keep forgiving and trying to please the narc, in the name of creating a mutually beneficial relationship. They are often people who wear their heart on their sleeve in a relationship, and exhibit intense loyalty. The narc thinks so differently from the individuals they go for (no narc wants to be with a narc, in fact many exhibit paranoia which comes out as projections/ false accusations because of their fear that the person they are working on could be as cold blooded and manipulative as they are) but because the narc thinks so differently, for many people first engaging with one romantically, they don’t see them for what they are and start looking inward in order to “solve the problem”, this is futile as every engagement with a narc will be either a high or a low and will continue to perpetuate the cycle of abuse. A narc studies intensely the person they are working on, to see how many boundaries they can push, and how malleable their victim is. One of the first red flags was at the wedding when eve said “you’re perfect”, could be said innocently by some, but the narc in the initial love bombing stage really does believe the person might be perfect and finally the one to put on a pedestal and who might fulfil the void in them, but it’s not long before they are tearing them down, building mountains out of molehills, creating drama and refusing to be accountable, dead inside to the emotional cries of the victim, and using manipulation tools to get the victim to conform to expecting very little from them, while the victim is working overtime to please them. So because of the hook eve got in her- lovebombing from someone you’re intensely attracted to keeps you on a cycle of trying to get back to that initial stage- I’m not sure Charlie would have checked out, like many she may have ended up for years in a push pull cycle of abuse.look how happy she is every time eve gives her hope for the relationship

It’s the classic 1 person totally invested and wanting to try to make things work (Charlie) is hoping Eve will give her the time of day to have a smooth run and Eve love bombing just before these events.. like the dinner party (holding her hand & caressing, but actually brushing over the unresolved argument & not taking accountability in the letter writing task for letting Charlie open up to her by reading her letter, then revealing that she hadn’t actually written anything & is not taking part in the activity), Eve knows that Charlie wants this to work & wants nothing more than to go to the dinner party with Eve, so Charlie is so happy Eve has actually turned up to talk to her that Charlie neglects to realise she has ‘turned up’ but not ‘shown up’ for her by leaving the previous conflict unresolved. So I don’t blame Charlie as Eve is dangling the bate … giving her just enough to hold onto hope that they may at the dinner party be that loved up couple she showed at the wedding and when she came back into the apartment caressing her hand to move the relationship on, but of course Eve then got Polly all riled up - doing her dirty work for her in a way again causing chaos then appeasing both of them separately playing them against each other so she can watch the drama unfold and they can both come to Eve herself about their drama! Keeping Eve in the spotlight again!

Absolutely 💯 👏

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

Steroids?

You’ve hit the nail on the head- and it’s such a familiar pattern with narcs, making up in a pathetic way- no discussion, no accountability, and basically the victim is soooo grateful that things might be ok, that they are happy to brush the details under the rug. You can see the relief Charlie is feeling because All the victim wants is for the madness to STOP. What Charlie doesn’t realise is that the narc does nothing out of care and concern for the victim, or the relationship, they only care if it benefits them in some way. Eve wanted to play the victim at the dinner party and had everything lined up- as I previously said, eve needed to “make up” before the dinner party so Charlie wouldn’t have some kind of breakdown and reveal the truth, eve needs to look like the good guy, and Charlie being reasonably happy and carefree adds to that victim image, it also means Charlie has further to crash when the low comes, and eves flying monkeys attack her at the dinner party.

Ive never been 100% sure how aware narcs are, but I do believe they view relationships differently, more as a power struggle and that a partner is best when malleable with no boundaries, eager to please and feeling like the narc is a god, their best option, and therefore will never leave them? The narc will leave over and over again though. This is why I believe eve is using push pull, I don’t think she actually wants to lose the attention from Charlie, but she just has to give Charlie the impression that Charlie is burdensome and exhausting, in order for eve to have the upper hand, because eve has a fragile ego and is inherently selfish and self absorbed. She likely swings between deep insecurity and a sense of power, attention and tears, boundary pushing, walking away and seeing Charlie is still there, all provides a sense of security for that fragile ego. Narcs tend to lack conscience, can cheat easily, lie with ease and pit people against each other for their own gain. We saw an example of that last night when a minute after telling Charlie she didn’t want polly to say all that, she then went and thanked polly for saying all that, in her very best frustrated victim voice.

ending up having narcissistic tendencies can absolutely stem from trauma, in fact that’s common. it doesn’t mean they are not being narcissistic now … it’s not a ‘get out of jail free’ card and it doesn’t excuse all the emotional damage they do to others along the way. Yes Past traumas can lead them to feel overwhelmed by emotions & therefore develop coping tactics like detachment from feelings & lack of empathy, a sense of entitlement to control as a way to cope from further emotional pain, learning to manipulate others to meet their own needs as their needs may not have been met in childhood and they therefore may also have that need for attention too.

Hopefully this being so public it will be called out and she will be able to work on this in therapy if trauma indeed had a part to play.
The problem with Narcissistic types or emotional abusers is that they often don’t see any wrong in themselves and it’s always other people, they don’t even ponder for a second that they could be in the wrong for something, which is why they often will not seek counselling or professional help therefore it never resolves, they lack empathy and feeling so just move from one person to the other and take what they can until the victim realises and sees through the mask and ends it and the abuser feels anger they have lost control of the other person but quickly finds another will to fall for their charm & love bombing. I hope we see improvement but I am extremely doubtful.

I hope now Charlie’s out of the show she has found someone (or will find someone) special, who doesn’t use her heart on her sleeve personality to manipulate and destroy her. I really am disgusted that the so called experts paired her up with this personality type. They are obsessed with pairing opposites, when in many cases of opposites, it simply leads to toxicity. If Charlie was paired with someone similar to her, they would offer each other the respect, listening ear, reassurance and care that would build a good relationship. If eve was paired with someone like herself, they would have a push pull dynamic, toxicity, gaslighting, bitching about each other, and be fighting constantly to be the one in control. Nothing would ever get resolved because they would simply walk away and then patch over the cracks without deep conversation. Nothing more frustrating for sonoene with an open heart and emotions to be paired with a cold, avoidant, lacking in accountability head messer. As previously stated though, there is nothing more terrifying for a narc than ending up with another narc.

Charlie just apologising helplessly to Eve after Polly called her a bully 😢 broke my heart, just wanted to give her a hug & I think I called out to the tv ‘your not the bully, she is’ 🙈!
I agree narcs view relationships differently, they are not self aware at all, the lack of empathy for anyone close to them is surely the fuel for the behaviour, they don’t care how upset someone gets because of them, they probably see it as crazy as they can’t feel that emotion the other person is feeling, it’s actually quite scary when you think about it.

I don't know what to think about these 2. Charlie is very annoying and needy. Last night catching up on the experts week episode I found myself thinking Eve was absolutely gaslighting her and stonewalling and it really annoyed me! Not the first time they've had very unhealthy/dodgy characters. Alex terrifies me. He seems very explosive and his reaction to feeling 'slighted' by Holly worries me.

I haven't watched last night's episode yet so trying to avoid spoilers but just read that Alex has been accused of abuse before ? Doesn't surprise me..really people like that should be removed. IIRC did they remove that weird cult like man last year ?

When you sleep with someone, especially when you haven’t consented to a one night stand, but there is an agreed commitment, and this experiment is based on a commitment, you will bond and be vulnerable. Needy is a nasty and overused word, genuine people in a relationship who can’t take or leave their partner experience a certain level of vulnerability, and it’s what the entire show is based on. If eve hadn’t thought through what was expected of her, she shouldn’t have entered the show. She certainly shouldn’t have slept with Charlie while refusing to do the actual requirements of the experiment with her. She treated her like a one night stand and this has been very triggering and distressing for Charlie who is constantly attempting to reason with someone who just doesn’t do accountability. Charlie thought they started well and she was infatuated. Eve should have held off the shagging if she wanted to go slow. But the purpose of the show is marriage, so she shouldn’t have gone on the show as she’s not marriage material and has a lot of work to do before she will be a decent partner to anyone. She’s one night stand material at present, not what Charlie signed up for. Yes so many dodgy characters, and I agree on Alex, something simmering under the surface there for sure, I do not like many of the characters on this experiment this year.

Neither are 'marriage material'. I think you are projecting onto this relationship and I get it - everyone does to an extent. But, objectively, neither have behaved very well at all. They've both gone into it thinking 'I could meet someone special' I think but they are really not suited. I think 'narcissist' is one of those overused terms. I think Eve is very complex but I don't see the 'love bombing'. I think she'd prefer to walk away from the relationship (and she should). Charlie was way too fast and her friends described her as that. Both are in strange patterns of doing relationships and they are no good for each other at all.

I do agree with you. Eve seems like she's used to being the alpha type in relationships and I wonder if she secretly has a need for feeling like people need her. I agree rushing into sex with your new wife (more than once it would seem) is clearly going to give the message that you're into them. On the other hand, I can appreciate finding people who are very full with emotion and annoying and I think it triggers some people beyond that if they don't feel confident in themselves to set boundaries. It's something many people learn as they get older but I feel like Eve hasn't, either through a self confidence issue or some type of trauma/massive aversion to conflict and tackling emotions head on.

You can think what you like, I am not projecting, I simply have the wisdom to see this individual for who she is, and discussing it….projecting is a very odd term to use in this situation. If someone has detailed experience of this personality type, they simply have insight- it’s not projection, you should study the difference. I wanted to put the post up because I feel like a lot of people go on this rollercoaster with a narcissist individual and it can be very helpful for them to read an analysis of this type of dynamic, and there are a lot of insightful comments here from a lot of individuals. If you cannot see how abusive eve is, perhaps you have similar abusive traits, or a certain level of naivety because you haven’t been exposed to this kind of crazy making

That escalated! Yes that must be it.

You don’t have to comment on posts that you don’t find interesting, or have nothing to add to….

Polly is a class A b*tch for what she said to Charlie
She should sort out her own relationship before laying into others

I’m just intrigued how eve is going to play this one when her and Charlie get home. Perhaps eve was hoping Charlie would kick off so that eve could use it to degrade her even more “see how you act in public” etc. but now that eve has said to Charlie that polly shouldn’t have said that, but then thanked polly for saying it, where does it go from here, if Charlie wants to talk about it is eve going to admit what she said to polly. I really hope the “experts” show the video footage of those interactions

ETA: re Alex (my quote from PP failed!)

Yes, his previous partners were publicly asking for him to be removed from the show. They forced C4 into explaining the checks made on contestants, which essentially amount to a DBS check and not much else.

This. ^ A few days ago @Waitforit7 I would have agreed with you, but this past couple of days it appears that Eve is not much worse than Charlie. They're both hard work, and the relationship is utterly toxic. Eve fucking off for 14-18 hours at a time and having zero contact with Charlie (and leaving Charlie alone,) was ludicrous. Emotionally and mentally abusive - and controlling. And she did this several times.

My DH used to do this when we were a lot younger - just fuck off in the middle of an argument, and not come back for 4-6 hours, sometimes he stayed away overnight, and didn't come back til the next day. I didn't know where he was, he never contacted me, and I was left with the kids. We had no mobiles then and I never knew where he was.

It was horrible, emotionally and mentally abusive behaviour, and it was hugely childish and pathetic. Thankfully he stopped this after several years, as we entered our mid 30s.

Anyway, Eve is a pain in the arse, but Charlie is no Angel. Charlie is manipulative and whiney and demanding - and quite immature. They are just terrible together, and will never work on the outside.

Polly though... She is the worst of the lot. VILE woman!

I would not have had Polly down for a bitch so waiting to see what I've missed form last night. I felt quite sorry for her.

Wait til you see last night's! Polly is vile. The way she speaks to people.

Polly has put a post on instagram asking people to be kind and that she was misled by Eve.