Anyone watching married at first sight? Eve showing classic signs of narcissism/abuse

[Waitforit7]

What are your opinions? I’m seeing a classic love bomber, even down to the smile and way she holds herself, she seemed determined to almost immediately engage in push pull, and seems to be eroding slowly Charlie’s sense of self and self esteem. Charlie is mildly histrionic and attaches herself very quickly, but it seems her attachment remains, eve is the typical player, goes all in, and then once she’s hooked someone starts to withdraw, stonewall, punish at any sign of emotion, and talk a lot about essentially how dramatic the other person is and how she has to walk on eggshells? Isn’t it funny that the people who say “I just hate drama” are the ones who tend to constantly create it? Eve has only stopped the love bombing because Charlie was hooked so fast and easily, they are incredibly bad pairing. Eve seems to enjoy seeing how quickly she can get Charlie emotional and seems to always be slyly pushing buttons. She creates situation after situation but puts it all down to Charlie’s emotions and is already smear campaigning her as an angry person who shouts and is abusive. She’s accused her of shouting when she’s not shouting she’s just upset, and seems to get off as a classic narc does when Charlie emotionally explodes while playing herself off a cool, mature, and drama free. Don’t get me wrong, Charlie seems insecure and too invested too quickly but that’s exactly what a narcissist gets off on. I can on one hand understand the pressure of the experiment, but eve acted as though she’d found her soulmate and now she is in the devalue/ semi discard/ gaslighting stage/ smear campaigning to others subtly, what do you guys think?

Lots will probably eye roll at this but...I wondered if eve is autistic. She needs lots of space, can't handle any conflict, can't explain her emotions/feelings and perceives things as shouting when they're not (some autistic people are very sensitive to the tiniest changes in tone or volume and feel it as shouting/being angry).

I wasn't sure about Charlie as on the honeymoon in the pool she made a comment about having dinner and then back for more sex. She the jumped on eve and Eve looked really uncomfortable. If a bloke had said and done that it would be really frowned upon.

That said I think Charlie is trying really hard and Eve isn't meeting her half way, from what we get to see anyway.

possibly she is neurodivergent but she massively lacks empathy and accountability and is happy to temporarily use people for her own gain, and switch things on and off. She seems genuinely confused by Charlie’s feelings, and hates any emotion, whatever the label is, end result is the same isnt it. I wouldn’t frown upon any man or woman making naughty in jokes or wanting intimacy when they are intimate with someone….at the beginning when you really like someone and have had sex, you generally want more and more and it’s a totally normal feeling. Never fails to make me laugh when people can uphold casual sex and sex with all and sundry but become prudish about that kind of stuff. Eve has treated the whole thing like a one night stand where she’s now stuck with the person, showing that the experiment was wrong for her. That’s why they have had disagreements to begin with. Charlie has gone into it as a marriage, and was clearly delighted that it started off in an intimate way. The pull back will be very confusing for her, and I feel a lot of empathy for her. She’s probably kicking herself falling so hard for eve as now she’s right under her thumb.

anyone noticed the psychopathic death stare that eve does? The total blankness and hardness that comes over her face?

possibly she is neurodivergent but she massively lacks empathy and accountability and is happy to temporarily use people for her own gain, and switch things on and off

I happen to be ND, no idea if Eve is as well, but I agree the impact of what she is doing is still the same either way. She strikes me as very manipulative and the kind of person who controls social interactions very well.

I don’t know her relationship history but if Charlie is like this usually , she’s at risk for ending up in really abusive situations if she doesn’t address her childhood issues. Unfortunately abusers often know how to sniff out vulnerable people with unresolved trauma.

It’s hard to watch. I hope they both go home soon as I can’t see it getting any better.

Eve comes across to me as someone who has experienced deep trauma in childhood. I don't think she is trying to deliberately groom Charlie in that narc way the OP described, as she seems more keen to just get away and bin it all off. I suspect because of contractual/financial obligations to the production company the participants can't just fuck off and are persuaded back in to do tasks etc. But in being so emotionally inarticulate she is abusive towards Charlie.

Matching them was a shit move. Charlie's reactions are also emotionally abusive, screaming and tantrums, neither of them come across as anything other than vulnerable messes to me.

Am in complete agreement with everything you have said op.
And I was thinking the exact same before you posted.

I actually think it's time the format was changed

It's been uncomfortable watching Charlie put up with a smug, gaslighting narcissist. Eve is a walking red flag.

Then you have Adam and Polly. Adam who looks like an acorn but thinks Polly is beneath him.

As for Caspar and Emma, he's weird. His obsession with his twin sister is creepy but made worse from the fact that his sister who also doesn't like him either has married a guy who is his double.

Richelle isn't in it for love either, she is approaching it like a business deal to raise her profile and poor Orson can't win.

Honestly, intervention needs to happen when the relationships are toxic. Look what happened with Love Island.

The set up this year is purely for views and tweets. Not for love.

It's funny how almost everyone commenting on this either labels Eve as a narc/love bomber OR Charlie as needy/clingy.

It's almost like one of them needs to be the issue and the other needs to be the victim.

The way I see it is that they both have issue. Neither is in a healthy mindset or suited to a LTR without extensive work.

I think they are as bad as each other but in opposite ways.

Together they are a car crash and bring out the worst in the other

sure, but this is manipulative in itself can you see that? I believe you are correct in your assertion that she is keen to get away and bin it all off, but the abuse is in the way she is doing that. A lot of narcs are keen to bin it off, usually once they have extracted whatever it is they want from the person. Sometimes this can be a brief time period, sometimes over a longer time period. The way she is going about it is abusive because she is zoning in on Charlie as to why the relationship is unworkable, that it’s Charlie’s character, the emotions she has displayed, and that Charlie is unreasonable to display emotion when eve is showing clearly that she doesn’t care about her even as a human, never mind a wife. There are more honest ways to go about things, but eve seems determined to leave while making Charlie believe it is all her fault, which is EXACTLY what the devalue stage is, the next stage is discard. I think with some narcissists they are no aware of the patterns of abuse they engage in, as many tend to act in the here and now, what feels good for them, what is beneficial for them. They are the centre, and all that happens must benefit them in some way. It benefited eve to sleep with her after the wedding, and be lovey dovey, and then it benefitted her to go cold and withdraw. Since then she hasn’t shown human decent and compassion- as I said it was extremely telling that she didn’t even know Charlie’s dad wasn’t in the picture after a whole honeymoon together. So whether she has awareness of her abusive ways or she doesn’t, the end result is the same. Eves focus is self, she lacks empathy, and she used Charlie while it benefitted her. She hasn’t engaged with the experiment very much, and she is determined that when the relationship breaks down completely, that Charlie is left believing it is her fault.

charlies issue is she is highly susceptible to shady characters and love bombing. She lacks discernment and so in that way, she also lives in the here and now. She can’t face the fact she was likely used, and is determined to make it work, not realising that eve has already checked out, and that to engage with eve at this stage is just going to bring more hurt upon her as eve desperately attempts to extract herself from the situation, or manipulate Charlie to play by eves rules, because eve needs to either gain the upper hand in the relationship, or walk away looking like the good guy.

I agree with op I think Eve has behaved very badly she has Charlie like a puppet on a string poor Charlie.

@Waitforit7 I think we need to be careful not to take the tiny snippets we see on TV as indicative of everything that’s going on. That’s a lot of analysis of a few minutes’ worth of television (which may also be making them both behave in exaggerated or unusual ways in itself).

I think that the experts need to step in when there is controlling and abusive behaviour, but they don't. It is great for audiences but it is horrific for the individuals involved. When they do finally step in it is far too late.

The psychological testing on these people before they enter is severely lacking.

On the plus side, my best mate who is a psychotherapist says that it is great for getting people to see thero own situation. She can say "go watch episode 3, season 4"and see what they recognise from their own relationship in that.

Also it has really helped me and DH discuss our own relationship when we have struggled to communicate

Whoever said Adam looks like an acorn I’m in hysterics, that’s brilliant. He’s a terrible advert for the barber shop he works at anyway. I mean it doesn’t suit him at all, and paired with the turkey teeth it was bugging me for ages who he reminds me of, and then it clicked, Keith lemons the bear

Yeah it’s completely bizarre how a seemingly vain and superficial guy who works as a barber has such an unflattering haircut 😂

I actually have a theory about Adam and Caspar. People think they’re full of themselves, haven’t looked in the mirror etc but I think they are actually aware they’re not exactly conventionally handsome or in shape. And they’re insecure about that.

So as a result, they’re desperate to validate themselves and boost their ego by finding the type of women all their guy mates will envy.
In their eyes a “fat women” won’t do.

Emma asked Casper what he thought of her ...
Eve is vile, she uses sex to her advantage, lures in then drops, she is classic of the type.she shows controlling behaviour and as I see in Charlie is completely confused and acts out of frustration and insecurity that Eve has create.
I really dislike the 'experts', they don't look at the whole picture body language/ words etc.

The words “I don’t like conflict” often come with red flags. Many who feel the need to utter these words use them as a way to shut down dialogue, to make sure they are not made accountable for their wrongdoing, and to protect the source of the abuse onto the victim, same with the phrase “I don’t do drama”. Many of us genuinely don’t like conflict or drama, but have the empathy to listen to a partner, be accountable, and understand if we have done something wrong, or if they are insecure for some reason.

narcissist abusers bring conflict and drama in spades, they knowingly or unknowingly thrive off it. The perpetuate the drama they created with their projection onto the increasingly emotionally broken person they are gaslighting. So I just want anyone here who has been with someone like this, if you found yourself breaking down, defending yourself, crying out to deaf ears, and felt you’d had some kind of personality transplant where you’d get angry and explode- this is an extremely common result of being in a relationship with an abuser. It’s called reactive abuse/ breakdown.

I reckon she’s an avoidant x

why are so many “avoidants” full of drama and conflict, lack accountability for their actions, and put their own “avoidance” above their partners emotional security? That’s abuse isn’t it?

Sorry, that message was in response to your post

why are so many “avoidants” full of drama and conflict, lack accountability for their actions, and put their own “avoidance” above their partners emotional security? That’s abuse isn’t it?

It's classic emotional abuse.
Yet to figure out if its narcissism.
When Charlie wrote her letter, spilled her heart out and Eve returned nothing and then blamed charlie for her lack of letter as it was a punishment for some past behaviour, this was incredibly cruel.

She should have told Charlie before she read her letter that she hadn't written one. Eve is in a power struggle.
That isn't a relationship.
The emotional abuse will get worse... it will escalate now.

@Waitforit7
I can see on tonight's episode she seems to be trying to turn everyone against Charlie ... I do think she could be an abuser for sure

Oh look, prediction fulfilled, the flying monkeys are out in force due to her smear campaign, while as the experts said, Charlie has a supportive group of friends, not an angry group. How fake is polly, being so nasty about her and then all “come with me darling” to Charlie, pushing her hair off her face etc. polly is utterly miserable with her match and her true colours are now showing, I don’t like her, but eve has done a great job playing the victim to get them all riled up on her behalf like that

Now eve to Charlie “oh I told them not to say anything to you”

then she goes up to polly “thanks so much for speaking to her about that”

she’s a fake abuser

polly wouldn’t have dared say anything anyway if she hadn’t been slowly manipulated by eve- narcs know how to get their flying monkeys out in force

I'm just catching up on tonights episode now.. yes. It's escalating already. My first thought with Polly was "flying monkey."

Awful how Eve became such a cameleon. She's dangerous.

Paul got it right - Eve is being duplicitous. She said to Charlie that Polly shouldn’t have said that and said sorry, comforted her etc then ran out and thanked Polly for “sticking up for her”and said her only issue was the timing. Again she’s very manipulative and loves to play victim.

Polly is coming across really unpleasant too. She seems to be a mean girl. Even the way she is telling everyone to shut up when they’re trying to help her.

Charlie played it really well when Polly gave her the “apology” ! Who did Polly think she was trying to get Charlie to discuss her relationship when it was clear she was just waiting to stand in judgement of Charlie. She’s clearly taking her frustrations with her own partner out on Charlie who she probably views as an easy target.

I like how Caspar is being so kind to Charlie.

Yes I love how Charlie dealt with it also, refusing to be drawn into it, refusing to share what’s actually happened and not badmouthing eve. Good girl Charlie. She’s not out of control with her emotions, she actually seems to possess excellent self control, but eve had got in her head big time, screwed with her and it’s eaten away at her. Eve even had sex with her and then left afterwards to sleep elsewhere. I reckon Charlie is feeling the wreckage that is the narc rollercoaster; and the constant gaslighting does a number on someone. Most of the time she’s spoken to eve when she’s upset, without raising her voice and just tried to be understood, but she’s been accused anyway of shouting and fight starting so eve can shut down her feelings and having to be accountable.

Did you notice the soft victim voice eve put on for her friends? Like a helpless please defend me voice? She’s delighted by what polly did, narcs love flying monkeys because they are chipping away at someone’s self esteem and writing a new reality, and the flying monkeys help to write that reality into the mind of the victim, making them feel they truly are the abuser; questioning themselves. I think at the moment Charlie doesn’t realise that it’s eve who is running this show, that she is puppeting the monkeys to do her bidding. Her anger is directed towards polly, it will be interesting to see what her and eve say to each other after this…