Anyone watching married at first sight? Eve showing classic signs of narcissism/abuse

[Waitforit7]

What are your opinions? I’m seeing a classic love bomber, even down to the smile and way she holds herself, she seemed determined to almost immediately engage in push pull, and seems to be eroding slowly Charlie’s sense of self and self esteem. Charlie is mildly histrionic and attaches herself very quickly, but it seems her attachment remains, eve is the typical player, goes all in, and then once she’s hooked someone starts to withdraw, stonewall, punish at any sign of emotion, and talk a lot about essentially how dramatic the other person is and how she has to walk on eggshells? Isn’t it funny that the people who say “I just hate drama” are the ones who tend to constantly create it? Eve has only stopped the love bombing because Charlie was hooked so fast and easily, they are incredibly bad pairing. Eve seems to enjoy seeing how quickly she can get Charlie emotional and seems to always be slyly pushing buttons. She creates situation after situation but puts it all down to Charlie’s emotions and is already smear campaigning her as an angry person who shouts and is abusive. She’s accused her of shouting when she’s not shouting she’s just upset, and seems to get off as a classic narc does when Charlie emotionally explodes while playing herself off a cool, mature, and drama free. Don’t get me wrong, Charlie seems insecure and too invested too quickly but that’s exactly what a narcissist gets off on. I can on one hand understand the pressure of the experiment, but eve acted as though she’d found her soulmate and now she is in the devalue/ semi discard/ gaslighting stage/ smear campaigning to others subtly, what do you guys think?

100% agree with you OP.

Eve is VERY skilled at mental abuse. Charlie doesn’t stand a chance at fighting it. She’s not perfect and she’s made a lot of effort to pacify Eve, but it’s thrown back in her face immediately. Poor girl.

Eve wants a disciple not an equal partner.

If they were a genuine person they would either be really into that person, or not into them as much and taking is slower. At least Charlie was consistent with it. Avoidants/ narcissists the wedding day is generally the best it’s going to be anyway. I don’t understand Charlie because I need to really know somebody to fall in love with them, but I understand people like eve even less, those who do a total 180, just shows they don’t really know themselves. I think eve has issues with instant gratification and a real functioning relationship is foreign to her. I think she also likes being the centre of attention so she enjoyed that everyone was looking at them on the wedding day and seeing it as successful, getting a high from making someone feel stuff for her and how the looked to others etc. reality has set in. Charlie should have gone slower if she knows she falls easily and can be easily hurt, but eve is the one who has shown very inconsistent behaviour and gone from one extreme to the other. People like eve damage peoples self esteem and are inherently too selfish to pick up on how their actions and using behaviour may impact someone else.

I once went on a first date with someone where everything went perfectly and I thought I was really into him/saw relationship potential but by date 4 I’d realised he was an oddball and I actually breathed a sigh of relief when I told him I wasn’t seeing him again. I believe this is effectively what’s happened to Eve but it’s just been sped up because it was 24/7 from day 1 due to the experiment.

Gosh, I've got Eve quite differently. Charlie, as I understand it, has been out as a gay woman for quite a while, Eve for a couple of years.

I had that fact as one of the drivers for Eves behaviours.

Eve, in general, comes across to me as someone who doesn't know/understand what/why she feels.

Charlie comes across as an overly emotional wreck.

I'll try to reframe my observations in light of what the opening poster states.

cannot promise I'll be able to see it the way opening poster does, but I'll keep their analysis in mind.

But if she genuinely really liked her on the wedding day how was she to know that Charlie would go all bunny boiler the next day and give her pause for thought? Have you never met someone not even in a romantic way at a party which is what the wedding was really with booze involved and thought yeah they seem really sound, we could be best mates then you meet them in the cold light of day and realise that actually you were just swept up in the moment? Seeing it as some nefarious move on Eves behalf seems really cynical.

They’re very poorly suited. Charlie has an anxious attachment style and Eve is at the extreme end of avoidant.

It was really bizarre that time Charlie was talking at what seemed a normal voice level /reasonable tone and Eve accused her of shouting then walked off.

Charlie is looking for someone to heal her childhood trauma around being abandoned by her Dad which is understandable but I don’t think that’s going to happen. They say people are often drawn to people who remind us of the parents who traumatised us which may explain why she is drawn to an avoidant person who is rejecting her.

I was happy for her when she told Eve to leave. It was so awkward that Eve listened to the letter with Charlie pouring out her heart, then told her she hasn’t written anything at all.

Not liking what I’m seeing in the preview with Holly getting involved! I find she’s taking out her frustration at her husband on others. She’s been quite vocal regarding a few of the grooms.

Well exactly, and I posted the original post before I got to those parts of this evenings episode- and I saw exactly what you saw- it is abusive to already decide you are shutting down any deep conversation, so you gaslight the person into believing they are shouting so you can walk away and avoid accountability for previous abusive behaviour. She has 100% emotionally abused Charlie. Yep very crushing that Charlie revealed her heart- but also very very telling. A whole honeymoon together, shagging, arguments and no conversation about “are you parents around, how do you get on with them?” Very odd, and shows the lack of care on eves part that she didn’t even know something that basic already. Then to crushingly state she never did the task, doesn’t trust her, and accuse her of starting a fight when she got emotional….you are correct she is very skilled in abuse, to the point others here can’t even see her tactics. It was really cruel. Charlie is very emotional but I don’t think she would be if she wasn’t with a head messing gaslighter. I think her emotions would be displayed more positively, nobody likes being messed around and having someone hot and cold and making them believe they ruined the bond, that’s what eve had done, when the reality is eve switched off and blew cold before their first argument, their first argument was ABOUT her rejecting hot and cold behaviour. Yes it’s cutting Charlie deep to experience intensity and then abandonment, which she experienced from someone who should have been there always, her dad. Hot and cold behaviour is awful for anyone, but anxious attachment is usually formed because of those kinds of traumas, but anxious attachment has a trigger, Charlie wears her heart on her sleeve and she has no reacted over nothing, or out of nowhere.

Don’t tell me the preview lol, I always mute and switch off and skip previews and one thing I dislike about the show is all the spoilers, they basically show all the good stuff/ and drama, and I hate knowing what’s going to happen

I look forward to seeing if people change their mind on this thread as the show goes on 🤣

To add to my point, not only has Charlie not acted out of nowhere or over nothing, it seems eve goads her into reacting when she’s being calm, kind of in a “see this is what you’re like” kind of way. Charlie can’t win, eve accuses her of behaviours she’s not even displaying, and is building a narrative of who Charlie is.

It’s a shame Charlie confided in her, because narcissists love to use that kind of vulnerable information. my bet is she will use it. Likely in a subtle way. I think she will raise it and use it to degrade Charlie in some way, but because she’s a clever abuser, and it’s on camera, she won’t say “no wonder your dad left”, it will be more like “you’re projecting onto me because your dad left” - thereby deflecting her own behaviours, and obviously taking zero accountability. she will make Charlie’s unhappiness with her, all about her dad. It’s what narcs do. Eve will play the victim because eve has written the narrative where she is, and always will be, the eternal victim,

Charlie is needy but Eve has serious issues with relationships and really needs therapy

Yeah Eve is skilled in gaslighting and manipulation and getting everyone to see her as the victim in the “ normal” world, but she forgets there’s a tv crew there this time so she can’t get away with lying as easily as she maybe has done in previous relationships. She might be fooling the other participants who don’t get to see some of the bits we see, until after the experiment - but viewers can see what’s going on. A lot of people are calling her out on social media.

She’s also arrogant saying that Charlie wrote the letter and opened up because she trusts her. I think it’s more the fact Charlie is fully committed to the experiment unlike her and as you say- wears her heart on her sleeve so she just did the assigned task! I’m sure she’s well aware of how flaky Eve is and could easily be guarded with her if she wanted to take the safer option.

The difference is Charlie was willing to take the risk, despite Eve’s poor treatment of her and is trying to rebuild that trust, whereas Eve is refusing to be vulnerable at all and is holding grudges. Fair enough but then why come on a show like this if you’re like that?

Yeah they do show a lot of spoilers in the preview and I got the wrong persons name anyway, it’s not Holly. I won’t say who it is since you don’t wanna know ! 😆

It’s a shame Charlie confided in her, because narcissists love to use that kind of vulnerable information. my bet is she will use it. Likely in a subtle way. I think she will raise it and use it to degrade Charlie in some way, but because she’s a clever abuser, and it’s on camera, she won’t say “no wonder your dad left”, it will be more like “you’re projecting onto me because your dad left” - thereby deflecting her own behaviours, and obviously taking zero accountability. she will make Charlie’s unhappiness with her, all about her dad. It’s what narcs do. Eve will play the victim because eve has written the narrative where she is, and always will be, the eternal victim,

This completely, my heart actually sank as I watched Eve process what Charlie had said about her Dad and fear of rejection etc. I too think this disclosure will make things worse for Charlie.

Can’t decide which of the pair is the most deranged. Eve’s cold as ice, Charlie’s a needy screamer.

ATM I think Eve is vile. Thoroughly abusive. It really should be stopped before she permanently damages that poor girl.

I agree with you OP. I found their section on last night's episode uncomfortable to watch - Eve is totally unwilling to take any responsibility for their communication difficulties and Charlie can't seem to say anything without Eve accusing her of shouting/fighting/attacking her, even when she's speaking perfectly calmly.

I’m not a fan of Eve either. I think she wants everything on her own terms and expects Charlie to conform.
Charlie is needy but she’s also with someone who isn’t really giving it 100% in the experiment which must be frustrating and upsetting given it had been made very very clear to them what the experiment involves.

Charlie isn't just needy though. We've seen needy people on the show before and Polly in the current series is needy. Charlie swings from 'feel sorry for me' to going apeshit. I also don't see the love bombing. Liking someone and being willing to make it work and then changing your mind isn't love bombing. They absolutely shouldn't have slept together on honeymoon. That has contributed to everything.

Yeah that made my blood boil when eve so casually started that Charlie trusts her and “she’s not there, she can’t trust Charlie”, I was thinking, does this person lack insight to the point that she can’t see that her behaviours thus far are deeply untrustworthy? That fact she can’t, says it all really. She is playing herself off as the cool, calm, trustworthy one. She basically used Charlie’s vulnerable letter to elevate herself, perhaps trying to gaslight the audience/ build a narrative for her flying monkeys later

She’s loved bombed to a point. The reason the cycle was so short was because Charlie got invested very quickly- to the sufficient level that makes a narcissist start to devalue. If Charlie had been a slow burner, eve likely would still be at the stage of trying to get into her head and being sweet. She acted like they were soulmates and so lucky to have each other at the wedding, they jumped straight into bed. She fights with Charlie and then jumps back into bed with her after, then they are cuddles up on the couch at the commitment ceremony, it’s a head mess. She’s making Charlie dependant on her every mood for validation and affection, it’s a classic abuse tactic, while destroying her self esteem and constantly telling her she’s worthless. Yes polly I would say is more needy, but again the guy had sex with her and that’s a bonding thing for many, and indicates mutual desire, so he’s a head mess too. Emma despite her bravado and confidence is also needy, this guy doesn’t fancy her one bit, and that’s ok, not everyone has to fancy you, it doesn’t mean you aren’t fanciable, she seems to need that validation. I do however think this isn’t the real world, these people literally can’t cope with being matched with someone where it’s not working, they’ve put everything into this and hoped to meet their perfect match, this will bring out the neediness. Eve should never have passed the psychological evaluation, but as she’s someone that constantly going back on her word (for example saying form now on she’ll just take 20 mins to process her thoughts, and then shagging her and leaving again that night, saying she won’t bring up old arguments and raising them constantly etc) she’s quite a skilled liar and charmed her way into the process. Notice her fury when Charlie called her a liar- that’s eves line! Eves the one that shouts “liar”, it’s a way to degrade, and she can’t stand that Charlie is saying it to her. She’s done nothing to build any real bond, to not even know Charlie’s dad abandoned her is evidence of that, she’s shagged her and now she’s not investing any more. The only reason she would have to write stay next week is to stay in the experiment to get her face known for fame and interest from other women.

That liar bit was about spending time together I think? I think it was clear they HAD been (off camera) and so what Charlie was saying was BS. To be fair, no amount of time spent together would be enough for Charlie. Wouldn't you find it suffocating?

Even at the wedding Eve looked alarmed when Charlie was getting ahead of herself.

Well, when you say she’s needy, they are both in an experiment where they are supposed to be livhg like they are married.
I actually have some sympathy for Charlie and think Eve is stuck in her ways and wants everything on her own terms.
Letter writing for example yesterday. Eve didn’t even attempt it, what’s the point of being on the show?

There are plenty of them this year who clearly don't want to be there 😬

I've no idea why they're on the show.

I agree. I think two of the men this year seem to think there are way above the partners that have been picked for them,

They are both very good looking women and both come across as being used to their own way in a relationship.

Neither of them are backing down, Charlie is insisting on playing romance to back up her declaration of love on the wedding day (she might have said it to her chum rather than Eve) and Eve is backing off because Charlie’s smothering.

I wondered if the show had put MDMA in the wedding meal, all the shagging was a bit early for the couples! Fine for a ONS but not great for a 6 week programme with cameras filming your every “oh god, why did I do THAT?”

the ixperts are the face of the abuser here - the programme is set up to create conflict to entertain us, the format itself is manipulative.

im part of the problem becaise im totally hooked…I’m complicit.

No, they hadn’t spent time together the way they are supposed to for the experiment, eve spent most nights away from Charlie, she most certainly had caused the drama, insecurity and hadn’t invested in the relationship the way the experiment calls her to do.

Apart from the not spending nights together, we have no idea how much time they have actually spent together.