MIL changed inheritance

[deargodno]

FIL sadly passed away a few years ago from a terminal illness and had arranged will, inheritance etc with MIL before he did - they agreed on everything together as to what the kids would inherit after she died, as everything of his went to her.

The 5 adult kids were set to have everything split equally between them in this arrangement. 2 children were biologically his, 3 were not but he raised them and wanted everything split equally.

Last year MIL fell out with one of the kids and quietly had everything changed. Now the majority goes to the 2 kids she likes the most, 2 in the middle get less, and the one she fell out with gets a lot less.

My OH is now one of the middle tier inheriters. We assumed everyone else knew about the situation but we recently found out that she's not told the other middle inheriter that she's changed the will, nor the one at the bottom. We think this is because she knows they're likely to be upset about it - she has an established history of favouring certain kids over others just generally, and it does upset my OH because he knows as a kid he was left out of things and never given as much time or attention.

We are not super close to the others - would you tell them or not? We don't care about the money because we have a good income, but the other middle/bottom don't and also have kids to think about and plan for. (The 2 top inheriters are already in the strongest financial position in their day to day lives).

We have encouraged her to tell them multiple times but she's had a year to tell them and not done it, and is evasive when it's brought up.

But then again maybe next year she'll fall out with someone else and change it all again?

I guess my question is, if you were one of the kids where your inheritance had been changed unfavourably, would you have wanted/expected someone else to tell you about it if they knew you didn't know?

Why is it any of your business?

Tricky. I would want my fathers wishes followed so if I was in the 'top tier' I'd still distribute their share to those in the 'bottom tier'.

The inheritance involves commercial property that will be split multiple ways, so OH will be financially tied to them as they won't sell any of them, and I am financially tied to him. He also doesn't have enough stake to have a meaningful say in anything unless it happens to be 1 vs 4 vote.

How your mil intends her assets be distributed after her death is nothing to do with you.

I’d stay out of it. It could all go on care home fees anyway.

Of course it is, because when repairs are needed it will come out of mine and my OH's own money and he can't get rid of his share because they can't afford to buy him out and no one else is going to buy small partial stakes in the buildings. It will be more loss than income due to the numbers involved.

Fine, just refuse the inheritance if it's too much hassle. It's still none of your business.

You sound like a load of vultures waiting for the pickings. I don't know if I would tell them or not

Don’t tell them. You don’t even know if she really has changed her will or not and she can change it again anytime. Plus nobody knows what’s round the corner, she might need a care home or might remarry. Stay out of it is my advice and live your life.

You tell mil you think it’s very unfair she’s done this and as such, you now think less of her and so think it’s best you see less of her. be clear that you won’t be doing any running around or looking after her, she can rely on her favoured children.

your dh sends an email to his 4 siblings spelling out the revised split, saying it’s not fair than only some of you know the situation and not all.

finally when the time comes, you can see about forcing a sale of the commercial property if the others can’t afford to buy you out.

secrets and favourites is shitty, just refuse to join in.

How well do you get on with the favoured DC?
Would they return things to the original plan?

He can refuse the inheritance if its going to cost him money. Let the others take if on. It might all need to be sold for carehome or debts in the future,

Tell them . If your mother in law wants to disregard her husbands wishes she should have the guts to explain that to the people she hurts with that decision

Are the favoured kids FILs biological kids? That might make them less willing to agree the others are being treated unfairly.

I completely agree with this, the only person wanting to change what's actually fair is the MIL and she sounds horrible, so I'd quietly talk to the others, probably not the bottom tier person, about exactly this so it's all fair

I think that leaving an unpleasant surprise in a will is both cowardly and spiteful, (unless it’s well-deserved perhaps, in which case it shouldn’t be a surprise). The recipient of this surprise will never be able to respond or ask why, and that could torment them.

Maybe your DH should tell them. MIL might take it badly, but ultimately no one has the right to escape the consequences of their own actions.

Odd (well manipulative/nasty?) that MIL has even shared it with your DH. What do you think her motives were?

I wouldn't get involved in the drama of it. PIL have tried this with DH a few times. They have attempted to set up drama triangles in many ways, and we fell for it for too long - wish DH had worked out a decade before he did that the best thing to do is nothing. Nod and ignore. Expect no inheritance.

Slightly different but my MIL left her estate so my dh inherited more than SIL. There was a good reason for this but MIL didn't want SIL to know before she died as she didn't want to deal with any backlash. Dh and I knew and kept quiet although it made me feel awkward around SIL and I would have preferred it all to be out in the open. When MIL died much of SIL's share had gone in care home fees as she got savings and dh property. Dh agreed to vary the will and they came to an amicable agreement where she got a share of the property. Years later they still have a good relationship so I'm glad he did that. I think keep quiet for now as things can and do change and there is no point stirring up problems now.

I wouldn't say anything.
She's not dead yet so no inheritance exists.

She might spend it all, give it away or need it for care.

She might change her will umpteen times more.

Remind yourself that there is no inheritance while the person is alive. It's just their money. So she can do what she likes with it.

Don't get involved at all.

None of your business, just act surprised when the will is ready. She may need to go into care and spend all her money that way, you won't have to worry then..........

This is the current will. It has the potential to change 100 times over and the estate has the potential to diminish to £0. It’s not your will to discuss with others and your husband can refuse the inheritence so problem solved there. If you want to stir things up though carry on.

This is a complex family issue. While I appreciate this will impact your husband’s finances and therefore yours, she isn’t your mother and they aren’t your siblings.

Your MIL is clearly a difficult lady - but it’s her will to do with as she pleases.

your husband can refuse his inheritance if he wishes. He can speak to his siblings about it now of he wishes. But if I were you I wouldn’t get too involved in the emotional side of this. Unless you are personally named on the will.

Another thread about Wills and people not understanding it's up to the person making the Will to decide where to leave their estate.

Vultures gather even before someone dies. Not a nice trait to be a vulture.

He can sign his share of the commercial property over to the least favourite or his favourite family member he doesn't need to keep it