MIL changed inheritance

[deargodno]

FIL sadly passed away a few years ago from a terminal illness and had arranged will, inheritance etc with MIL before he did - they agreed on everything together as to what the kids would inherit after she died, as everything of his went to her.

The 5 adult kids were set to have everything split equally between them in this arrangement. 2 children were biologically his, 3 were not but he raised them and wanted everything split equally.

Last year MIL fell out with one of the kids and quietly had everything changed. Now the majority goes to the 2 kids she likes the most, 2 in the middle get less, and the one she fell out with gets a lot less.

My OH is now one of the middle tier inheriters. We assumed everyone else knew about the situation but we recently found out that she's not told the other middle inheriter that she's changed the will, nor the one at the bottom. We think this is because she knows they're likely to be upset about it - she has an established history of favouring certain kids over others just generally, and it does upset my OH because he knows as a kid he was left out of things and never given as much time or attention.

We are not super close to the others - would you tell them or not? We don't care about the money because we have a good income, but the other middle/bottom don't and also have kids to think about and plan for. (The 2 top inheriters are already in the strongest financial position in their day to day lives).

We have encouraged her to tell them multiple times but she's had a year to tell them and not done it, and is evasive when it's brought up.

But then again maybe next year she'll fall out with someone else and change it all again?

I guess my question is, if you were one of the kids where your inheritance had been changed unfavourably, would you have wanted/expected someone else to tell you about it if they knew you didn't know?

I think you should tell the siblings OP.

A friend of mine’s husband is one of 4 adult children, and his mother recently changed her will. The details of the change aren’t relevant, but essentially the inheritance was being changed to reflect numbers of grandchildren, meaning my friend’s husband would be getting less than a quarter. When she changed her will, she told 3 of her children, and told them not to tell my friend’s husband. One of them let it slip, so he found out.
He’s not bothered about the money, as he’s comfortable financially. But the idea of his siblings keeping this secret from him, so he wouldn’t find out until their mother had died, really upset him. He’s angry with his mother for wanting it kept secret, and he’s angry with his siblings for going along with this. The relationships have all been permanently damaged by the secrecy. That will be his mother’s legacy - a broken family. And all because she wanted him kept in the dark. Secrets and lies, they’re toxic.

I agree with this.

In the DH's shoes I would tell the other siblings but make it clear that I hadn't actually seen the will so don't know for sure.

My DM has allegedly decided to skip her DCs and leave her estate to GCs (all fine). The problem is that allegedly the estate is going to be left in a trust for my DBs and me to run.

I use the word 'allegedly' because all the information has come from elder DB who has despised younger DB since childhood.

I have told younger DB of these alleged plans because I didn't want it to come as a nasty surprise to him.

DM herself is keeping the will a secret so God knows what batshittery will actually be in it!

My mum was forever changing her will depending on who she was talking too at the time, what we did before we opened the will was agree that it was shared equally, if there were any side items such as jewellry etc we did that as per instructions

It will affect her because it will affect her husband.

Admit you're wrong and move on.

Those saying it's nothing to do with you is that because
It's mil- not mum
It's money so crass
If its crass is poa?

People who don't talk about death, money wishes as its crass how do feel about poa? Dh had zero knowledge of his mother's wishes. She looked disgusted when my mum died and we was discussing wishes.

I hope your all booking your direct cirmstion as death talk is vulgar.

No wishes expressed then your funeral is for the living that's what I think.

Someone has to sort out things people don't, when they die. We all die. People need to plan for it.

If my relative was saying inheritance was vulgar talk I'd be swerving their poa to the state to divide up tbh.

I think I'd be having a conversation with the siblings.
"Has mil mentioned changing her will to anyone else?" as the starter question. Leaving this huge secret bombshell for your DH to carry is cruel and manipulative, and could ruin his relationship with his siblings when it all comes out.

it is of course absolutely sensible to talk about your wishes with your next of kin.

but that has to be the choice of the individual.

in this case we have a daughter in law involving herself in her husband’s family estate. The MIL has made her decision, and has decided who she will tell.

it isn’t up to OP to interfere and potentially cause a family split. We might not agree with people’s wishes, but a daughter or son in law should not be interfering.

You seem very angry about this issue? It’s a bit of an odd reaction.

How it's her assessts she's entitled to do what she wishes with it...

There was a will when her husband was living which they had agreed on... everything he had he left to her....

Now if he was sensible he would have left his stuff to his kids but he left it all to her...

So now he's dead he has no say in what happens now.

It's none of ops business...

The woman could leave the lot to the cat protection (first thing that came to mind I hate cats lol) and there's nothing they can do other than contest the will but that just shows there only interested in the money...

Ypu fond so many money grabbers on this when it speaks about inheritance be thankful you get anything because they don't have to give you anything they worked and contributed to that stuff.

This. It’s up to her. If she wants to be a cow that’s how she will be remembered. You can’t control these things, it’ll just cause massive aggro between everyone.

I find all of your responses a bit rude @PrincessofWells

There will be trouble if it's not split equally. When it comes to the up keep of the building there could be a stand off. Op and her husband doesn't have to pay anything neither does the other 2 siblings on the upkeep of the building. The older favourites will have to pay out their pocket. It's a car crash from the start.

I'd be careful about telling the other benefactors about MIL's new arrangements OP. You don't want to risk pissing her off and have your DH relegated to joint bottom in the pecking order of the will!

Don't put a penny into it. If I was your husband I would sell it.

If they can't buy him out then they have no choice but to sell. Tell your husband to go to a solicitor and push for it to be sold.

She sounds like a nasty manipulative woman. You're not obliged to keep it a secret. I guess it's up to you whether you want to risk pissing her off and being demoted, or keep up pretences with the horrid cow at the expense of his siblings.

Wow 🤣🤣🤣

Expecting money 💰

Never expect anything in life other than death it's the only thing your guaranteed.

Work for your own things never expect anything.

My partners grandparents have spoken to me about their wishes ect and I've told no one not even my partner as its none of his business until the time comes...

Just like to add I have been mentioned on their will but I have expressed my gratitude and love for them but asked not to be involved in the will the things I do for them is because I love them dearly not to get their money or possessions.

Don't tell. It could all change again. My MiL left her money to my late husband's sister. If anything happened to SiL, before MiL passed it went to me as her DiL. SiL got poa and, hedging her bets, drew the money out for 'expenses'. I've let it go.

It really is absolutely NOTHING to do with you. It’s very rude to interfere in another’s post-death wishes.
If your OH’s inheritance is going to be a burden, he can simply refuse it. But again, that’s up to him, not you.

Sorry, haven't read all the replies but just wanted to let you know my mother is just the same. She changes her will every time she falls out with one of her children. She has always had favourites but has even fallen out with them, but they always make up. A few years ago she fell out with me and l would stake my life on that l am out of the will. Her second favourite was the cause. My mother is now unable to make changes to her will. It hurts but sadly what can you do?

My sister is doing the same without poa. She just made sure my Mum fell out with me so she could step in. Best part is my Mum said you would never trust her and now she is her main carer, taking everything she can get her hands on (she was the same as a child, always taking things that didn't belong to her, she has never changed). I can't do anything about it so no point worrying.

In Australia we have laws to protect eligible people who have been left with little or nothing in the will. Family provisions claim this legal action allows eligible people to contest the distribution of assets in a deceased person's will, this includes children, grandchildren, stepchildren, spouses including de facto partners. If they belive they haven't been adequately provided for, and or has not been distributed fairly.

Your mum and my mum would get on really well. Mine did the same (she now has dementia) and l was the last one she fell out with - down to my sister who lied (she was always good at that from an early age), but in such a way that it was my fault even though l wasn't even there (she always did this too as a child) and my mum always takes her word even though she has always said she couldn't trust her and never wanted her to know anything (she just told her behind my back). I was for ever trying to keep the peace and stay on the right side of her but with backstabbing siblings that is very hard. I know as soon as she fell out with me and told me to never visit her again she would have been on the phone to her solicitor changing her will, she was always doing it when she fell out with her other children so l know l wouldn't have been any different.
Unlike your siblings mine will grab everything they can if they haven't already and tell me she didn't have anything which l know is a lie but as l say she now doesn't know what it going on so they can just help themselves, especially the youngest sister - l know them too well.
There is nothing l can do so l am staying out of it. They can fight among
themselves when they find out she has had most of it.

When MIL passes a deed of variation can be made as long as all beneficiaries agree and sign
Then the estate can be divvied as per the original wished

Not actually that complicated, I made one when my mum passed. Mum had told me that she would like her sister to have X amount " but I can't be arsed to change my will" were her words

This is in place to prevent money laundering I assume.

You will probably need a solicitor to witness

Hope that's helpful