MIL changed inheritance

[deargodno]

FIL sadly passed away a few years ago from a terminal illness and had arranged will, inheritance etc with MIL before he did - they agreed on everything together as to what the kids would inherit after she died, as everything of his went to her.

The 5 adult kids were set to have everything split equally between them in this arrangement. 2 children were biologically his, 3 were not but he raised them and wanted everything split equally.

Last year MIL fell out with one of the kids and quietly had everything changed. Now the majority goes to the 2 kids she likes the most, 2 in the middle get less, and the one she fell out with gets a lot less.

My OH is now one of the middle tier inheriters. We assumed everyone else knew about the situation but we recently found out that she's not told the other middle inheriter that she's changed the will, nor the one at the bottom. We think this is because she knows they're likely to be upset about it - she has an established history of favouring certain kids over others just generally, and it does upset my OH because he knows as a kid he was left out of things and never given as much time or attention.

We are not super close to the others - would you tell them or not? We don't care about the money because we have a good income, but the other middle/bottom don't and also have kids to think about and plan for. (The 2 top inheriters are already in the strongest financial position in their day to day lives).

We have encouraged her to tell them multiple times but she's had a year to tell them and not done it, and is evasive when it's brought up.

But then again maybe next year she'll fall out with someone else and change it all again?

I guess my question is, if you were one of the kids where your inheritance had been changed unfavourably, would you have wanted/expected someone else to tell you about it if they knew you didn't know?

Once she's dead, if the beneficiaries agree then they can do a deed of variation and divvy it up equally. But this legacy sounds like a poisoned chalice and if I were involved I'd either get everyone to agree to sell the property and divide the proceeds, or simply renounce my share of it.

In any event, not your circus, not your monkeys.

It's a tricky situation. She has every right to leave the estate how she pleases. On the other hand, my nan tried to have my mum disinherited, that was painful and unfair. In the end, the will was void but made both me and mum question why were we the unwanted black sheep.
At the end of the day, what will you change if you tell the other siblings of the new will? Besides, are you sure there is a new will, and also she might change it again (and again)

I think you should tell the others. It could be more devastating to find out that they're not favoured after MIL has died and doesn't have to explain herself. If you're going to make (what sounds like) shitty decisions, then you should have the gut to explain to your kids why you did this.

I'd be mortified and disgusted if my DIL was sitting there thinking about MY money and how much my son will be left when I go.
I feel quite sick actually If that's all my.DIL is stressing or.thinking about.
If I had a DIL I'd make sure and express wishes she never saw a bean of MY money

Is there something wrong with your comprehension? The OP isn’t remotely complicated….

Given the example of SIL's "weight issue" as an indication of MIL's thought processes, I would take everything she says with a pinch of salt and try to ignore her behaviour as much as possible.

It might be true that she's changed her will as she says she has, but equally it might not. There's nothing to stop her changing it again, or just saying she has, or making different arrangements to those she's outlined before. You can't control anything of what she does or says, so there's no point in fretting over it.

Don't say owt. It can probably be sorted amicably enough when she's gone.

@deargodno

I think if I was one of the 'disadvantaged' I'd want to know ahead of time, especially if the (former) division of assets was going to make a big difference in my life. I know none of us can count on inheriting anything, but right or wrong and despite that, people do tend to make 'plans' for a future inheritance. But even if it wasn't going to make a difference to my life, no one likes a nasty surprise when they're grieving. And I expect if I was one of 'the fortunate ones' I'd hate the idea of my siblings being told that they were getting less than me when they couldn't question our mother about her decision. I'd be worried they'd think I influenced her.

BUT in this case, since it's your MiL and not your own parent, you need to stay out of it and drop the subject entirely with your DH. If he wants to tell his sibling(s) it's his business, his decision, and his job to do so.

Of course they can. They could also do all sorts of foolish things that will create problems and conflict for others. Much better if they didn't, though, surely?

My very elderly mother told me recently that she didn't want certain people invited to her funeral. I didn't bother arguing about it, I just changed the subject. It won't be her decision to take and I know my brother and I would like those people to come if they can. A will, on the other hand, creates a binding obligation to follow the deceased's instructions. This is why it needs a lot of thought. Quite obviously some people see it as one last opportunity to control and manipulate, even after they've died.

In the OP's case, if all beneficiaries are in agreement, I believe they can get a deed of variation drawn up to put things back to what the FIL wanted, i.e. equal shares. This can only be done after MIL dies and presumably before the executors get to work. I imagine the favoured children might not be so keen, though. Unless the least favoured has done something truly horrendous, what a way to treat a family member. I feel there have to be very good reasons for doing anything other than leaving the estate in equal shares to the children.

This.

It is no-one's concern except MIL and she could live another 30 years and spend it all, or she could change wills multiple times yet and leave it all to a cats home.

It is her money to do with as she pleases.

If there is an inheritance and your DH doesn't want it, he just has to refuse it - when/if the time comes.

I think however you feel, even if harsh, your MIL
has the right to do this.
I'm not sure how I would act, one day if everything goes well I'll be left with some hard decisions to make.
And of course I'll have to make sure not to expect anything from anyone.

OP, in your shoes or rather DH shoes, I would get my siblings together to discuss it. Everybody knowing ahead of time will make it much easier to handle.

Nobody should be living their life based on an inheritance expectation.
That is just daft and greedy
Fortunately, back in the day, parents weren't so crass as to inform their children of the contents of their will, they found out at the reading.
Now everyone, as evidenced here, is 'if i don't get any money, I'm not looking after you later in life'

OP was this just a will prepared by FIL and MIL made no will?

OR

Was this a mirror will between FIL & MIL? If a mirror will, I believe (I am no lawyer though!) that there are legal cases where the mirror wills are actually deemed to be 'set in stone', although generally I think you can amend them.

If FIL made his intentions public to all the children and MIL made (something like) 'a binding commitment to him (FIL)' regarding the terms of the will, then the will as drafted by FIL may be found to stand.

I imagine there would need to be a legal case to settle this though if either:
MIL wanted to sell up and take the proceeds rather than leave per FIL's will
or
on MIL's death and the siblings want to dispute her will.

Sadly, all very messy and unpleasant. With OP having been deliberately brought in to this by MIL now, whist she is still very much alive and kicking...

If thats the case then he can refuse the beqest when the time comes.

None of your business!

How do you know she's even changed her will. You or your DH could tell the others, they confront MIL and she then spins it all around saying she's done nothing of the sort and you're the bad guys.

MIL can change her will loads before she dies (and it sounds like she probably will if she's got favourites). I'd back away from her, take everything she says with a pinch of salt and seek advise on what options your DH has when the time comes.

Two thoughts.

Firstly, if FIL really wanted to make his legacy watertight, he should have done a better job. He must have known what she is like.

Secondly, I believe DH can refuse his share of the business when inherited. Can you get legal advice? Then you won’t have to worry about the financial consequences.

Usually people who go on and on about who gets what after they die are controlling drama queens and in the end it will all go on care, funeral and probate costs etc and then the rest to tax

so don’t get too excited and also just do not get involved. Just pretend you know nothing. Easy. Nobody will probably get anything much anyway

No one can be forced to own property with some one else. Any co owner can force a sale. It's an expensive process if it goes all the way to court, but ultimately there will be a sale.

Stay quiet. Don't know how old she is but she could change her will again, she could sell any/all the assets in her name and spend all the money before she dies.

yes and also you can simply not accept the inheritance , if it will only cost you money? But most likely it will all be sold for car cost, idyy u ally at a rate if 5-10k a month the money goes pretty quickly

That's nonsense. Any one owner can force an open market sale. If the others can't or won't buy his share he can force a sale of the whole by court order.

I agree with this. Her legacy will be the mess she's left and the divisions she's created

This happened twice in my family. I wasn’t one of the ones who lost out - in fact in one case I gained significantly.

I still think that people who treat their descendants unequally in their wills should explain themselves while they’re still alive. It’s missing the point to call the beneficiaries “vultures”. Receiving no inheritance from your parents because there’s no money left is just life. But cutting someone out or leaving them a reduced share without explanation is a cruel and cowardly act from beyond the grave.

If she is as much of a drama llama as you say, are you sure she's changed the will and isn't saying she has out of badness?

The story about the sil and her weight makes me wonder if Mil is still very deep in her grief, or maybe even not well.

Please stay well out of it, it really is NOT YOUR business. If your OH wants to stick his head in it, thats HIS mother, you please zip your lips and mind your business,. think of it this way would you want your DIL sticking her nose into your decision on how to share YOUR money between YOUR kids? No way