MIL changed inheritance

[deargodno]

FIL sadly passed away a few years ago from a terminal illness and had arranged will, inheritance etc with MIL before he did - they agreed on everything together as to what the kids would inherit after she died, as everything of his went to her.

The 5 adult kids were set to have everything split equally between them in this arrangement. 2 children were biologically his, 3 were not but he raised them and wanted everything split equally.

Last year MIL fell out with one of the kids and quietly had everything changed. Now the majority goes to the 2 kids she likes the most, 2 in the middle get less, and the one she fell out with gets a lot less.

My OH is now one of the middle tier inheriters. We assumed everyone else knew about the situation but we recently found out that she's not told the other middle inheriter that she's changed the will, nor the one at the bottom. We think this is because she knows they're likely to be upset about it - she has an established history of favouring certain kids over others just generally, and it does upset my OH because he knows as a kid he was left out of things and never given as much time or attention.

We are not super close to the others - would you tell them or not? We don't care about the money because we have a good income, but the other middle/bottom don't and also have kids to think about and plan for. (The 2 top inheriters are already in the strongest financial position in their day to day lives).

We have encouraged her to tell them multiple times but she's had a year to tell them and not done it, and is evasive when it's brought up.

But then again maybe next year she'll fall out with someone else and change it all again?

I guess my question is, if you were one of the kids where your inheritance had been changed unfavourably, would you have wanted/expected someone else to tell you about it if they knew you didn't know?

Because a sibling might be expecting / counting on that money for retirement and may need to know they've got to change their plans?

Pouring over the contents of someone’s will before they've died is incredibly crass.
You don't like her - that’s ok. You do know that a beneficiary can turn round and refuse to accept the inheritance don't you? By the time she dies, she could have changed her will 10 times and left her entire estate to the dogs home!

My mum used to keep saying that she'd put this and that into her will.
However when she died there was no will to be found so it was down to the rules of intestate and all went to her husband, our dad.

Just because she's said she's changed her will doesn't necessarily mean she actually has. She could possibly be winding up her DC or could easily change her mind again.

Who makes plans for their retirement based on any imaginary inheritance they think they’ll get? I’ll tell you who, someone with no financial acumen, someone who’s greedy, someone who’s a dreamer.

He doesn't, but I also think he won't rock the boat because he's happy to go along with things. It's up to him to refuse, I don't think he realised he could do that, so that definitely gives us more options.

Maybe she never wanted to agree to whatever his wishes were, but was forced to agree whilst he was still alive?

Yeah that could be true re: care home fees.

But I think telling the truth is always the best policy...I'd tell them all personally.

It wasn't imaginary though, it was clearly laid out to everyone previously how it would work and it's been changed without them knowing. So it's not unreasonable to expect them to have made plans with that in mind because it was information they were told. Obviously they could have expected things to change with potential care home fees, but that wouldn't have affected other parts that are separate business related things and incomes that have now also been changed.

We haven't made any plans because we don't plan like that, we don't need the money and we don't have kids to think about. They do.

Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. I'm going by what OP has stated in her OP, that she agreed.

I think you’re getting a hard time on here. Inheritance divided in this way could cause lifelong rifts between siblings. I think it’s a very cruel legacy to leave your children. Conflict, upset and likely jealousy for those at the bottom of the pecking order.

I think it's unlikely because the bottom inheriter was previously her favourite child and it was only changed following their falling out, but it's definitely possible she was always planning to change things in some way so they weren't equal given that she's always had her favourites.

My post wasn’t to you.

You could always ask to be removed from the inheritance thus removing yourself from any costly repairs etc

I'd want to stay out of it, but ultimately not wanting someone to find out later down the line that we knew all along would probably prompt me to say something. However, if DH agrees I'd tell MIL first. As in 'we feel uncomfortable that we have this information and others do not, we'll be sharing it with the rest of the family.' then it might prompt her to say something if she wants to.

Not sure how you're being labelled vultures when you've said from the outset you're not at all bothered by the money...classic mumsnetters casting aspersions. Also agree with the posters that noone should be banking on inheritance, however that's ideological thinking. Just because it shouldn't happen doesn't mean it doesn't.

Completely agree it's her choice to do with her will what she wants, but telling you and not others has put you in an awkward position which is unfair!

Well so it's all good and sorted on your end. Why are you concerned?

Tell them about the change. It's sad these things happen after one half of a partnership passes away and their wishes are disrespected. She should change her part of the will if she wants but leave the fathers wishes alone. If she changes the fathers wishes everyone should know about that.

it’s not a secret now, she’s told the OP’s dh. Best he tells the others so everyone can have a conversation with their mother while she’s still alive, rather than throwing accusations and trying to work out why she did this once she’s dead.

the risk of course, is that the DCs decide they actually don’t want anything to do with her- both the unfavoured and the favoured. But if her actions and choices lead to her dcs not wanting to spend time with her in her dotage, that’s something she’s brought on herself and you don’t need to protect her from the consequences of her actions.

I wouldn't say anything to the others as its not your Will to discuss. I yhknk if your dh has encouraged his mum to treat everyone fairly or at least tell them, then that's all he can do.

If he inherits then he can decide at the time what to do.

Surely nobody relies on inheritance, and even if it comes, you wouldn't know the value if it until you're told? This is a very odd thread.

That's not how it works normally. He will now 1/4 and if he wants to sell the others will need to buy him out or sell the asset to raise the money.

Isn’t it just

Very Agatha Christie

Just pretend you know nothing. Disregard what you have been told.
Don't count on receiving anything at all.
Anything could happen between now and when your MIL dies so it would all be pointless speculation.
Your MIL sounds like a bit of a troublemaker and so I definitely would not react to this news from her about who she favours most.
Ignore it all OP and go your own sweet way without comment. I wouldn’t rise to the bait. She sounds as though she would enjoy stirring it all up.

Your FIL was foolish to have left it all to her without making his wishes clear by way of his will. But it’s done now and if you don’t need the money, so be it.
Don’t waste your energy getting involved.
If ever the subject comes up, just say you aren’t counting on receiving anything at all so you aren’t interested in discussing it.

This seems to be quite common. My grandparents quietly went off to the solicitor and split things equally between siblings, regardless of who they liked best and didn't mention it.
My parents and friends of my parents seem to be constantly holding it over their kids and changing the will if one isn't attentive enough, then changing it back etc.
I hope I'll be like my grandparents

The above isn't bad advice as far as actions are concerned, but not words. I'd be inclined to act on it and not trouble to tell MiL at all. There's no point in stirring up a whole lot of ill-feeling over something that might never come to fruition. IMO, people who play others off against each other and indulge in this form of petty power-play are more than capable of leaving it all to the cats' home, anyway.

Unfortunately, as MiL has now outlived her late husband and inherited everything from him then whatever his wishes might have been are moot. She has already shown that she doesn't have the scruples to honour these. If she's the sort who holds people's behaviour to ransom on pain of disinheritence then she clearly enjoys exerting power over others. The only way to divest her of that power is to step back and not to react at all.

Remember that what you've never said can't be twisted in any way against you. Stay out of it and say nothing, either to her or to the others.

It’s not all good and sorted for the OP and her husband if this comes out after MIL passes away. They’re both very likely to be in the thick of a family fall out, at the same time as grieving MIL. Perhaps the OP is more concerned about the family relationships that will be affected by this than the money.