MIL changed inheritance

[deargodno]

FIL sadly passed away a few years ago from a terminal illness and had arranged will, inheritance etc with MIL before he did - they agreed on everything together as to what the kids would inherit after she died, as everything of his went to her.

The 5 adult kids were set to have everything split equally between them in this arrangement. 2 children were biologically his, 3 were not but he raised them and wanted everything split equally.

Last year MIL fell out with one of the kids and quietly had everything changed. Now the majority goes to the 2 kids she likes the most, 2 in the middle get less, and the one she fell out with gets a lot less.

My OH is now one of the middle tier inheriters. We assumed everyone else knew about the situation but we recently found out that she's not told the other middle inheriter that she's changed the will, nor the one at the bottom. We think this is because she knows they're likely to be upset about it - she has an established history of favouring certain kids over others just generally, and it does upset my OH because he knows as a kid he was left out of things and never given as much time or attention.

We are not super close to the others - would you tell them or not? We don't care about the money because we have a good income, but the other middle/bottom don't and also have kids to think about and plan for. (The 2 top inheriters are already in the strongest financial position in their day to day lives).

We have encouraged her to tell them multiple times but she's had a year to tell them and not done it, and is evasive when it's brought up.

But then again maybe next year she'll fall out with someone else and change it all again?

I guess my question is, if you were one of the kids where your inheritance had been changed unfavourably, would you have wanted/expected someone else to tell you about it if they knew you didn't know?

i know it's a dick move, but i was thinking about my will myself last night. DH and I have mirror wills, if i go first he gets all my money and if he goes first i get all his, and if we both go together, then our 'estate' gets divided equally between all 6 children! 4 are his, 2 are mine.. but i am worth way more than my DH is.

i decided last night that if he goes first... then i intend to change my will because i will be damned if his children are going to get an equal share of my money!

She is still alive- which is why it would be useful for the adult dcs to be able to have a conversation with their mum about this rather than trying to work out why she’s done this after she’s dead.

The “poor woman” has decided to change her will to leave a really nasty surprise for her dcs. She’s decided her last message to her family is that some children were more important to her than others. The poor woman has decided to do something that will probably cause upset and division between her children after her death, a time when normal parents would hope their children would be close and able to support each other.

Then disclaim the inheritance once the time comes - assuming DH remains in the will and/or any assets remain.

I'd say absolutely nothing at all. Forget you ever heard it. When the time comes your DH will be able to propose that the inheritance is split equally between all siblings no matter what the will says. It may not even be as she says - my MIL's wasn't as she'd claimed, she just used it to try to manipulate.

So bring forward all that conflict, upset and likely jealousy now?

Surely if you’re married you’re worth the same?

This^^ 100%

Shouldn't you protect your children now in case you go first?

That sounds rude! Surely the OP can reply to anyone that posts on her own thread?

Yes, the person who is going to cause all the anguish should take responsibility and own it now. Once MIL has passed away the children will never be able to understand and ask why she has taken this decision. Cowardly to leave them to find out once it won’t affect her, but could very badly affect them.

What if you die first and your DH decides to change his will so that his children get more than your children? If you can do it, he can do it too.

I would assume that she has told the contents of her current will precisely to sow discontent and rumour. It’s a power trip, she is likely to change her mind/ decide someone else is her favourite/ drop hints about her will/ leave it to the dogs home ten times before she dies. The best thing anyone can do with such a person is to ignore them . Tempting as it is to share the information she has let drop with the others I would let just her know that you aren’t interested in her power games and how she leaves her estate is her concern.

Maybe remind her she is probably going to have to pay for her care in the future because it doesn’t sound as though any of you will be rushing to offer up their spare room, so she needs to factor that into her calculations.

It's still none of your business. You don't even know what's in the will unless you have seen it. I really don't understand why you think who your mil leaves her money to is your business.

Don’t get involved. Bad form to be discussing will when she’s still alive imo. I hope mil has left a letter with her will stating the reasoning behind her amendments.

I think it is your business as im sure you realise this may very well have been planned as a last punch in the guts to the child with the least as a shock upon her death. Maybe to put a bomb under the sibling relationships but that would be pretty low so let's hope not and she hasn't thought it through

She might well keep changing it. Just try to gaurd yourself for the storm on her death. The siblings might try to contend it and loose most on legal fees. Just mull over the possibilities and decide what your stance is ( presumably that you didn't agree and tried to get mil to be open) you don't need to do any more. What can you do anyway? It's all her choice

She wants a scene. Why give it to her?

She's hardly going to be able to enjoy the mayhem she's clearly intent on creating once she's dead. All she'll have is the anticipation of it without the satisfaction of ever seeing the end results of her divisive, manipulative behaviour.

Personally, I'd leave her with that.

Silence is a far more powerful weapon than some people seem to think it is.

I'm not sure how your DH feels but I would suggests he asks to be written out of the will entirely.
It's just not worth it. Better for him to side step it all entirely

You bet your sweet bippy she has. I'd be inclined not to pay her the courtesy of actually reading it.

I would definitely tell, I know of a situation very similar to this (mil playing politics all the time ...attention seeking like a child....fil generated the family wealth whichhe wanted passed on equally.)....I would get this out in the open.....if the family have been told one thing and mil is playing favourites and changing will without some knowing its awful....it will break the siblings to know you /your oh knew and didn't show some sibling solidarity when all siblings know the mil is unstable ......losing inheritance is one thing.....siblings shafting each other (benefitting from a petulant mother) is another

I wouldn't get involved at all. Unless you think your dh can get her to change her mind? She sounds spiteful, so if your dh starts getting arsey she'll probably cut him out altogether!

What a cow your MIL is. Not because of money but because she openly favours some of her children and creates this dynamic. Horrible person.

MIL or anyone else can put whatever they like in their will.

Honestly this notion that people discuss someone’s will before they’re dead is crass in the extreme.

I’ve read so many threads on here from posters who seem to think they have a right to decide what someone else does with their money.

Ultimately if someone excludes their child in death then it’s unlikely they had a positive relationship in life.

As for making future plans based on an inheritance, there is nothing that makes doing that acceptable. And frankly if my dc took that attitude I would make sure there was nothing for them to inherit.

A wise woman would stay out of it and not stir the pot.

It's not your estate and it has absolutely nothing to do with you, so to put it very politely, keep your big beak out of it.

She sounds as though she has been badly affected by her husbands death and that you don't like her. What are you hoping to achieve by telling everyone? People are entitled to leave as much or as little as they want no one is owed an inheritance so anyone basing their retirement on it more fool them