MIL changed inheritance

[deargodno]

FIL sadly passed away a few years ago from a terminal illness and had arranged will, inheritance etc with MIL before he did - they agreed on everything together as to what the kids would inherit after she died, as everything of his went to her.

The 5 adult kids were set to have everything split equally between them in this arrangement. 2 children were biologically his, 3 were not but he raised them and wanted everything split equally.

Last year MIL fell out with one of the kids and quietly had everything changed. Now the majority goes to the 2 kids she likes the most, 2 in the middle get less, and the one she fell out with gets a lot less.

My OH is now one of the middle tier inheriters. We assumed everyone else knew about the situation but we recently found out that she's not told the other middle inheriter that she's changed the will, nor the one at the bottom. We think this is because she knows they're likely to be upset about it - she has an established history of favouring certain kids over others just generally, and it does upset my OH because he knows as a kid he was left out of things and never given as much time or attention.

We are not super close to the others - would you tell them or not? We don't care about the money because we have a good income, but the other middle/bottom don't and also have kids to think about and plan for. (The 2 top inheriters are already in the strongest financial position in their day to day lives).

We have encouraged her to tell them multiple times but she's had a year to tell them and not done it, and is evasive when it's brought up.

But then again maybe next year she'll fall out with someone else and change it all again?

I guess my question is, if you were one of the kids where your inheritance had been changed unfavourably, would you have wanted/expected someone else to tell you about it if they knew you didn't know?

There is no inheritance until your mother in law dies…not a single damned penny. After she’s not here…and the estate is settled then there will be inheritance.
When I read posts regarding inheritance when the not-dead-yet relative is still alive I hope any money left after poor soul is deceased goes to the cat & dog home or any other charity. Relatives discussing someone else’s finances & wishes really makes my piss boil.

In which case, the MIL (who sounds completely toxic rather than a poor soul) should have kept her mouth shut about her changed will. Telling some of her children but not all is a recipe for conflict.

She’s taken this decision….its her decision….no one else’s…the poor soul isn’t even dead & you’re debating how she should spend HER OWN money!

It’s all very hypothetical atm. All sorts of scenarios could happen before the inheritance comes to play. Mil could go into a care home, and all the inheritance swallowed up in fees. Or she could change her mind again, or she could re-marry. Who knows?? She might not have divided it fairly, but it is what it is. Just go along with it, and what will happen will happen.

What is the point of telling them? It will just cause rows. If you don't need the money, then give it to them once you've inherited.

You've just said you don't need the money. So when the time comes, transfer your husband's share to the others. It's not rocket science. Also, he can refuse the inheritance.

Won't you all just sell the buildings and split the cash?

More accurately, your MIL has changed HER will, not THE will. There is no such thing as 'the will'. This is your MIL's money. Maybe your FIL would not have approved what she's done, but she has the right to do it and it isn't anyone else's business. She may change her will again in future.

If when the time comes inheriting a share of property looks like more trouble than it is worth - your DH may want to get advice on this - he can refuse it.

If you are not happy with your will you must change it now!!!

As a PP said, if you go first he could cut your children out...

I don't think you are even obliged to tell him of any alterations to your will, if you didn't want to???

I can see that another discussion with DH to amend your mirror wills could be rather fraught...

Bit of a minefield, but I might at (the very) least change the terms so that my children could not be cut out if i went first.

She may not have actually changed it? I wouldn’t say anything and just see what happens in the future.

I'd be mortified and disgusted if my DIL was sitting there thinking about MY money and how much my son will be left when I go.
I feel quite sick actually If that's all my.DIL is stressing or.thinking about.
If I had a DIL I'd make sure and express wishes she never saw a bean of MY money
It's none of your fucking business

It's not your information to share, so don't share it.

It wasn’t rude. It was a clarification. She replied to a comment I made to someone else which was indicated as I quoted that person. I was pointing out that my reply wasn’t to her, it was to someone else.

Conversely, if I was re-drawing up my will and disregarding my DHs wishes, I wouldn't want to cause any unnecessary pain and distress to my children after my death.

Maybe some of her children have been awful to her though? If you had 2 children and one of them turned out to be someone whos committed awful crimes, do you honestly think your favour both of them equally? Every murderer, rapist, child abuser is someone’s child.

Was there a clause in your FiLs will that stated your MiL had to stick to the arrangement? If not, she can do what she wants, which is disgusting and morally reprehensible, but her choice.
However, if I were you, I would let the MiL tell those affected; you'd run the risk of their ire when it should be directed at her

The DIL doesn’t appear to be upset about getting the money, she’s upset that DH’s siblings will be upset. That it could cause more upset if they find out he knew before their mother died and stopped the others having a chance to talk to their mum about it. The DIL seems to be worried she’s going to be left an asset they can’t sell, but will have costs associated with it- that they will be worse off than being left nothing.

I mean, would you do something like this that’s definitely going to upset at least some of children, then get annoyed that your DIL is worried about how bad the upset and fall out would be, rather than concerned that your last message to your dcs is that you love some more than others?

In which case, make sure you don't tell your DIL all about your will change and have discussions with her about it. Because when you do that, like OPs MIL has, you can't then argue that it isn't the other person's business.

I feel like people are only defensive about it when they're planning to treat their children differently.

I'd be happy my DIL was defending my son and thinking of his best interests tbh.

As already stated, I will not be getting a penny of anything, however it will be a financial cost to me as my own money will be paying for upkeep.

She isn't stressing about how much her husband will be left in the will. She is stressing because MIL has changed the will after agreeing with her late husband to split equally between all 5 children and she has told some children about the changes and not others. OP doesn't care how much her DH inherits. She is worred about the fall out after MIL dies.

Stay out of it. Not your business.

OP - get your dh to tell his siblings. They can decide what to do with that information but it’s unfair that some children know and others don’t. (all children should know the will divide or none.)

Apart from anything else, it will protect the favoured children from accusations that they have coerced MIL into changing her will in their favour if the unfavoured can speak to their mother now.

What is the point of telling them? It will just cause rows. If you don't need the money, then give it to them once you've inherited.

The fallout is likely to be far worse when it all comes out after MILs death.

For the hard of comprehension on this thread, @OrdsallChord has it spot on.

Except MIL is going against FIL’s wishes and had he known she would change her mind, he may have arranged his affairs differently. There was an agreement on how “her assets” would be distributed that was a condition of her inheriting them. It is quite immoral behaviour.

Also, it’s family business, quite literally in this case and there are ramifications for OP and her husband as her husband will be minority shareholder rather than an equal shareholder. This affects his ability to determine his and OP’s financial future.

There is also the matter of how this uneven distribution affects the siblings’ relationships with each other and their lasting memories of their mother.

Are you really naive to how this is a ticking time bomb for family harmony?