Boyfriend is angry when I shared details about a Ronan Keating concert

[Kitty234]

I (35F) and my boyfriend (41M) have been together for the past two years. We plan to get married mid-next year. Currently, we’re in a long-distance relationship and plan to reunite next year.

Last week, I went to a Ronan Keating concert, and when my boyfriend asked me how it was, I told him it was great, that he made me blush, and that Keating even threw his shirt to the audience, causing all the women to swoon. From the tone of my boyfriend's voice, I could tell he wasn’t too happy about it. For context, he once got upset when I mentioned that I found a celebrity sportsman attractive.

The next day, I posted pictures from the concert on Instagram with the caption: "90s kid was happy, send help, I’m still blushing." Later that evening, my boyfriend sent a long text saying that my post was very disrespectful. We had a long, heated conversation on WhatsApp, and I finally told him that I was just sharing a moment. I added that I shouldn’t feel like I have to walk on eggshells when I talk to him; I should feel safe discussing anything with him. He responded by saying he’s never made me feel unsafe in the relationship and accused me of trying to gaslight him.

At that point, I lost my temper and broke up with him over text. He never replied, and it’s been a week. I miss him so much, but I’m scared of giving him another opportunity to hurt me.

Is he the red flag here, or am I?

100%, it’s not the norm at all

This!

its a really odd reaction. While it can be seen as minor in the context of an otherwise good relationship, it’s a sign of a worrying, deep seated psychological attitude that is not healthy and will only get worse

I agree about the therapeutic language. I honestly think when taken out of the hands of professionals these concepts do more harm than good. Case in point: op’s slightly bizarre contention that not being allowed to speak her truth ( aka needle her partner by declaring on SM the unimportant fact she fancies Ronan) leaves her not feeling the relationship is a safe space. I mean, come on …

It’s only words. Isn’t it a wonder how some men are pricks. But love will save the day!

Just tell him, Ronan's a babe...

I can't fuhyyht it, fuhyyyht it, fuhyyyht it..

Just don't fuhyyyht it, fuhyyyht it, fuhyyyht it.

No it’s not…..it’s a sign of different values, mentality and outlook….its a difference in terms of how one should behave when in a relationship, and possibly a difference in how they feel attraction and for who. It’s a difference in maturity levels and likely education level. I’ll get shot down but don’t care, it’s not classy. He’s more conservative than she is. He likely as equally embarrassed by her Facebook declarations and all who will see it, as he is hurt by it personally.

To make the statement that he has deep rooted psychological issues is utterly bizarre. The same could be said of OP who is letching after some guy she never met and blasting it over Facebook. Simple two different ways of thinking. They are not compatible as this won’t work long term. He needs someone more conservative and classy, and she needs someone who reads page 3 of the sun and post pics of women online. She’ll probably be annoyed about it, but seriously this kind of guy would be a better match for her, and there’s someone for everyone.

Yeah it’s pathetic

He’s gone now anyway OP. You broke up with him over Ronan keating. Let the poor guy move on and you move on also

I read this and felt a little speechless, because you’re both in your 30’s - 40’s. The argument you’ve had is like that of a pair of young teens.

in terms of who is being unreasonable, I think the real question is whether he’s incredibly immature for his age, or both of you?

Would you be ok if he made a swooning post about I don’t know .. Jennifer Lopez and how she made him blush etc ? If yes , then he is not the right man and good you ended it. You both deserve something that works for you and aligned to your value system and the same goes for him. Personally, I wouldn’t like my husband gushing about a female celebrity and she made him “blush” etc . It looks cheap and disrespectful in my eyes.

At 41, I'd have expected a much more mature reaction and even pleasantly supporting & encouraging comments. We all have feelings and reactions about people (people other than the one or ones you are in a relationship and things, mountains, flowers, rivers...) and we are not body doubles of those we are in a relationship. This reaction from a 41 old (albeit a man!!) is childish at its most charitable -- and possibly, most likely, controlling. Instances such as these make you aware of your strengths and vulnerabilities, especially vulnerabilities that others may (may become habitual to) exploit. Good luck.

He's a nob. Get rid!

You're both childish, sorry to say. I'm sure that you wouldn't like it if he had posted something similar about a female performer, maybe, I don't know, but yes, his behaviour is very much a red flag, insecure men are yucky. But it gets to a point where even women swooning over men is very childish, especially Ronan Keating. Lol

If this wasn’t about the performer being a middle aged man I would swear this was about two silly teenagers rather than a pair of supposed grown adults.

The whole drama sounds like juvenile nonsense

I don't know why ppl are saying because you posted pics of a concert and gushed about how it brought back teen memories, that it makes you "immature". We all have teenage celebrity crushes. I have friends who see every NKOTB reunion, swoon at Bon Jovi, as well as at lesser known celebs. The immature one here is not you.

Your knee-jerk reaction to leave the relationship was probably correct. He is made entirely of red flags. If he is this fragile over a concert post, what will happen when you have to work with a male colleague, want to meet up with a male platonic froind you've had for years, etc? How will he react when you pay a compliment to your friend's husband for a promotion at work?

He sees these types of things as "slights" to him and disrespect. What happens if you have a real challenge in your relationship? His insecurity results in controlling behavior, and you are quite right that you will indeed hide more and more of your normal self to avoid walking on eggshells and risk damaging his fragile ego. You will pity and resent him. He will eventually find you boring once he realizes he has sucked the personality out of you. This is his issue, not yours. If he comes back with an apology I would take it with a huge grain of salt. It will only be because he has seen he couldn't control your behavior and will do a better job of it next time, or feel he will have you under his thumb once married.

You only have one life. Choose wisely with whom you want to spend it. I would rather be alone and happy than paired up and miserable.

You did the right thing OP, you won’t regret it in the long run. He sounds like a childish idiot. It may seem like a small thing, but that level of possessiveness is really very alarming. It will still take time to move past it though, and it’s common to suddenly fixate on the positives from a relationship after a break up, and ignore all the red flags. Don’t go back! Stay strong!

…and hey, at least now you’re single just in case Ronan comes-a-knocking 😉(I think he’s married…though that doesn't seem to stop a lot of people!)

Sounds like two teenagers.

stay strong and stay broken up.

Yanbu. Massive red flag here. He's jealous. Does he think you're going to run away with Ronan ? He needs to get a life and a reality check. I'm glad this has happened, you might need to live with him before committing to a very very miserable life.

I'm in Italy and last night found a young cat/kitten. call me crazy but how coukd I get her back to the UK. I'm in Puglia so if I rescued her I'd need someone to look after until I could fly her home. Any help or suggestions please.

I’m just gobsmacked that it’s gone from you were planning to get married next year to breaking up over text message over Ronan Keating?

That is bizarre.

Anyway, I wouldn’t like my OH swooning over a female celebrity online - in fact, it just wouldn’t happen. It’s strange behaviour.

I got totally tongue tied over the silver fox Ocado man yesterday (Andy in the Cabbage van if anyone is wondering). DH just took the piss and that was someone I may vaguely have stood a chance with given a prevailing wind and him having some sort of fat fetish.

Move your thread to the Litter Tray section

Better than the ‘DH/DC’ shite you get here!

unless you blessed due to RK's passionate lovemaking then yes, your boyfriend is a possessive arse. Red flag, run away now