Boyfriend is angry when I shared details about a Ronan Keating concert

[Kitty234]

I (35F) and my boyfriend (41M) have been together for the past two years. We plan to get married mid-next year. Currently, we’re in a long-distance relationship and plan to reunite next year.

Last week, I went to a Ronan Keating concert, and when my boyfriend asked me how it was, I told him it was great, that he made me blush, and that Keating even threw his shirt to the audience, causing all the women to swoon. From the tone of my boyfriend's voice, I could tell he wasn’t too happy about it. For context, he once got upset when I mentioned that I found a celebrity sportsman attractive.

The next day, I posted pictures from the concert on Instagram with the caption: "90s kid was happy, send help, I’m still blushing." Later that evening, my boyfriend sent a long text saying that my post was very disrespectful. We had a long, heated conversation on WhatsApp, and I finally told him that I was just sharing a moment. I added that I shouldn’t feel like I have to walk on eggshells when I talk to him; I should feel safe discussing anything with him. He responded by saying he’s never made me feel unsafe in the relationship and accused me of trying to gaslight him.

At that point, I lost my temper and broke up with him over text. He never replied, and it’s been a week. I miss him so much, but I’m scared of giving him another opportunity to hurt me.

Is he the red flag here, or am I?

Indeed. What's there to blush about? Let alone put it on Instagram?

Odd behaviour all round. And yes, breaking up is the right decision.

Move on and find someone else who understands this sort of behaviour.

Good for you! Dumping that loser!

One of my friends experienced similar with her boyfriend over her lifelong pop star idol. Loads of other red flags then he cheated but now she's back with him. She dropped me after they got back together, supposedly he's totally changed now but I see the comments he sometimes leaves on FB about certain things and think he can't have changed that much. Comes across insecure and controlling. Ugh.

To be fair, I’d be pretty embarrassed if my husband went to see a female singer and posted about how he was swooning over her on social media. It wouldn’t be a control or trust issue for me just an “ew” feeling.

Agreed with PPs, both of you sound very immature. I mean, you went to a concert, posted on social media something that to be fair is quite embarrassing for a 35 y/o (I say this as a 36 y/o) but it could be really channeling your teen. He clearly overreacted.

But if you ultimately decided the best was to break up (and cancel a wedding I understand?) via message, then either you were being childish too and trying to make a point, thinking he would be begging forgiveness or you really believed you’ve gotten to a point where you don’t see a future together because of different views/principles.

@Uptheflagpole 😅👏🏾

Leave this one behind you @Kitty234 .

Leave him where he is. He's not husband material.

Massive red flag, weird insecure creep. This is the tip of the iceberg, don’t marry him for fucks sake.

I probably wouldn’t openly go on about being attracted to other men to my DH, even celebrities. And he wouldn’t do that to me, either.

Exactly. OP said twice that she was blushing!! To her partner and on social media. I mean, I've been to dozens of gigs and have occasionally fancied one of the band members - but I have never blushed over them! Makes OP sound like some twee heroine from a Jane Austen novel. Makes me cringe!

Genius 😆

My boyfriend finds my Jason Donovan crush very amusing. No way would he even comment if I posted on SM about my forever love for him, as it's a non event.

Is it just this incident that's got your hackles up, or are there other things which make you wonder and worry a little?

Effectively I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to go to a concert in the 80s, by my then husband, because I’d said I liked this guy whilst early dating. I also had to contain my eyes whilst out with hubby as he always thought I was ‘looking at other men’.
It didn’t start like this of course - it was very minor things initially such as ‘I want you to be safe when out’ (out stopped too of course) - I can also say it didn’t end like this either - I couldn’t watch Brookside after a while (as I had mentioned Barry Grant once 🙈🤣) but ultimately I couldn’t watch TV as apparently I gawped at all men - I then couldn’t read as I was reading about men apparently and I could barely bath in case I was hoping to see a guy! It’s creeping and insidious this type of behaviour- it escalates but you’re like that boiled frog who didn’t realise - my experience took time to get to its worst - you may think your guy would not be this extreme and maybe he wouldn’t, as mine was a bit OTT, but he’s started controlling, and many do seem to find it reasonable on here god help us, and it perhaps doesn’t sound too bad when he ‘explains’ his hurt.
I’m sure some will think I’m being dramatic but I will guarantee now that nothing you ever do for him, to ‘respect’ him as he says, will ever be good enough and there will always be something else he isn’t pleased about that you have to accommodate- occasionally at first, more regularly down the line, until you’re asking how high when he says jump - and you’re well trained for him.

Some people aren’t alright with celebrity crushes. Yeah you probably won’t meet them but they’re still a human being, just like the postman or the man you work with. 🤷🏻‍♀️ He’s should have voiced this properly to you if he had a problem which makes me think he’s problematic in other ways, but I don’t think you’ve been very considerate of his feelings, if I’m honest. This doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship from either side so I’d take some time out.

Move on.

Too often jealous men become violent once they've got you trapped.

You had a lucky escape.

Yes the whole “ I can’t stop blushing” thing honestly sounds a bit OTT to me.

Not saying he handled it well, but I was doing a bit of an eye roll. 🙄 If that was my reaction, I can see as your boyfriend he might have found it annoying.

And the whole “If I can’t say whatever I like then I’m not safe to be myself” thing has shades of being a bit manipulative. We all make an effort not to just vomit out feelings and opinions regardless of how they might make others feel. That’s not to say that going on about blushing was such a big deal; but I think your justification of it was a bit off.

Anyway, you don’t sound suited. Some people don’t enjoy their partner waxing lyrical about the sexiness of others and it seems to be something you take pleasure in. You need to find a partner who gets off on that.

Are you both teenagers? All sounds incredibly immature. Your relationship should be a long way away from marriage. Clearly not ready if you can separate by WhatsApp.

There was much laughter. It was all a bit of a joke, I am sure he didn’t think she could hear him and they would run away together.

Yes I feel the same. As I previously mentioned, I’m on the other side of it and it does feel like one of those things that make you feel completely rubbish but you’re not allowed to feel it because the person they’re obsessed with is “unavailable”. For a person with low self esteem it can be very painful to witness your partner fantasising about another person who is so far removed from what you are.

its okay for him to be out off by this. I was a bit creeped out by you saying you were blushing.

but - that’s who you are. If he doesn’t like who you are you shouldn’t be together. He can’t force you to be someone else. And he shouldn’t get angry at you just expressing your personality. Next he will be telling you to be quiet in public; to tone yourself down to meet his expectations.

I think it’s good you broke up - find someone who isn’t out of by this kind of thing.

Almost like unbelievable right?

Definitely a huge red flag. Unfortunately the distance likely means you’re unlikely to know him as well as you would if you lived closer so thank goodness he showed his true colours before you married him xx

@Kitty234

as much as you're hurting & missing him right now, don't get back together. It'll just ramp up, you don't need a lifetime of this shit. He's an immature, manipulative twat.

Daily Mail ?