Boyfriend is angry when I shared details about a Ronan Keating concert

[Kitty234]

I (35F) and my boyfriend (41M) have been together for the past two years. We plan to get married mid-next year. Currently, we’re in a long-distance relationship and plan to reunite next year.

Last week, I went to a Ronan Keating concert, and when my boyfriend asked me how it was, I told him it was great, that he made me blush, and that Keating even threw his shirt to the audience, causing all the women to swoon. From the tone of my boyfriend's voice, I could tell he wasn’t too happy about it. For context, he once got upset when I mentioned that I found a celebrity sportsman attractive.

The next day, I posted pictures from the concert on Instagram with the caption: "90s kid was happy, send help, I’m still blushing." Later that evening, my boyfriend sent a long text saying that my post was very disrespectful. We had a long, heated conversation on WhatsApp, and I finally told him that I was just sharing a moment. I added that I shouldn’t feel like I have to walk on eggshells when I talk to him; I should feel safe discussing anything with him. He responded by saying he’s never made me feel unsafe in the relationship and accused me of trying to gaslight him.

At that point, I lost my temper and broke up with him over text. He never replied, and it’s been a week. I miss him so much, but I’m scared of giving him another opportunity to hurt me.

Is he the red flag here, or am I?

He’s a walking red flag, move on.
Me and DH have ‘laminated lists’ FFS (thankfully I don’t see it happening if he’s ever lucky enough to bump in to Jennifer Lawrence)

You say it best when you say nothing at all.

I think this is really well expressed

Are you lost for words op?

His reaction isn't just childish; it's a serious red flag. Run.

Hmm, have to admit I do find it weird when people gush to their partners about fancying celebrities.

I wouldn’t want to hear my partner going on about how how some actress makes him feel funny – we do comment on people’s looks, and I’ll point out attractive women on tv and don’t mind if he agrees. But I don’t point out fit guys because – I don’t know, I suppose it just seems a bit disrespectful, and I assume it won’t particularly make him feel great. It’s chat to share with a friend or my sisters. And just would be a bit self-absorbed to rope him in to talking about.

I also find it a bit demeaning that people think it’s ok to do when it’s celebrities as ‘they’d never have a chance anyway’. Why the deference / inferiority complex? They’re just people. Big ick for me, have some self-respect. 🤷🏻😆

I think your BF was a bit OTT in drawing a line in the sand about this (and you were ridiculous to break up with him about this), however can understand where he’s coming from – most people just wouldn’t voice it I think. I think you calling him controlling is also nonsense. He’s told you it’s a thing for him, have a conversation about it like adults.

Yep, agree with this

He's jealous and would like to control you. You did right to end the relationship.

Do not get back with him. It’s controlling and will get worse.

he’s a celeb, ( not my cup of tea but still) you have zero chance with. There should be no jealously.
I follow an artist since childhood, i always joke he’s my one. I have no chance with, there has never been jealousy, just like with any partner and their celeb crush.

My dh has a big celebrity crush. Doesn't bother me at all, we laugh about it if we see her on telly etc and i would happily go with him to one of her concerts.
Having said that, I think I might get the ick if he was gushing over her on social media if I'm honest. I'm not a jealous person, and have no issues at all with my dh having female colleagues and friends etc, but would find that disrespectful.
I also think that long distance relationships can amplify any feelings of insecurities. This convo should have been had face to face or on a video call at least.

Whaaat? Why does the OP sound like a teenager? Are older people not allowed to make a joke?

My thoughts were that the boyfriend sounds like a jerk and OP is better off without him.

A 41 yr old guy getting jealous over a non event really. He sounds immature, and controlling. Most guys would laugh, and maybe mention that page 3 poster they used to love,

I had one like that. Any man on the TV with dark hair he'd be jealous of, any man in real life. The dark hair thing was because my bf before him had dark hair. Then it was everything and anything.

You don't need this in your life.

Ah you don’t want that all your life! Sounds like he’s got a stick stuck somewhere.

Only if you’re extremely insecure, and that’s your problem to fix. There’s no threat in this situation it’s not at all like a friend who you actually know and interact with.

This whole thing is ridiculous, I doubt his concerns were about your ‘maturity’ OP, it’s jealousy and it’s an overly dramatic reaction from him. If you do get back together, don’t rush into a marriage, keep an eye out for more jealous or controlling behaviour.

Give over with your pathetic ageism.

My women friends are in their 60's and 70's and we still discuss our celebrity crushes and have a giggle. We discuss sex too, how shocking of us!

It's perfectly normal and healthy to be able to discuss any topic in a respectful relationship without the other party getting moody and resentful and making it all about their feelings.

I agree with the majority that a man taking it all so personally has an ego problem that's likely to lead to you walking on eggshells more frequently as time goes on. Don't waste your best years on a crap relationship.

edit: I quoted the wrong post but the right poster. Her previous post suggested that celebrity crushes were only for teenagers. She’s missing out on life if she thinks all the good stuff ends once you’re an adult. 😂

He sounds like a jealous teenager, you're better off alone

I mean it does help and stops drip feeds 🤷‍♀️

Stay broken up. Do not under any circumstances move in with or marry this jealous man-baby.

If you'd met RK and snogged/shagged, he'd have a point. But celeb crushes are definitely not something to be jealous of.

No one's really in the wrong here, you're just not suited.

I'm aware that lots of couples go on about which celebrities they fancy to each other, and they're both fine with that. It's not something I'm that comfortable with, and so I probably wouldn't stick with a partner who did it. Everyone's allowed their own preferences on things like that.

PP have compared it to not allowing OP to have make friends or ever notice attractive men - I don't think that is a fair comparison, and for all we know the boyfriend might be okay with that.

What OP has done is in a different bracket: telling her boyfriend - and publicly posting - about her physical reaction (blushing) caused by her attraction to another man. I can understand that being seen as a bit much. I can't imagine her being impressed if the boyfriend alluded to getting a hard on while watching Beyonce or Katy Perry.

The thing is, there is a difference between rolling his eyes at the OP’s post and starting an argument with her about it. The second is weird and controlling - she isn’t about to run off into the sunset with Ronan.

One of the things I like about Stephen King is how he captures the nuance of relationships. In Pet Semetary, the main character describes how his wife got a crush on the guy who worked at the gas station and would come home and tell him about it - and this was a very happy marriage. There’s nothing all that happy about having a boyfriend who strops about Ronan Keating.

Next, he’ll kick off because the OP went to look at a neighbour’s new kitchen or had a coffee with a colleague. It’s time to move on, 35 is too old for a controlling partner.

What kind of bizarre 18h century setup is this? You've known each other for two years, it's a long distance relationship, you are planning to reunite next year and get married, but only if you can avoid blushing at musicians until then? I can only assume that your guardian will not let you have access to your two hundred a year if you insist on throwing yourself away on a man from a lower social class, and your BF has gone away to make his fortune in order to be able to keep you in bonnets and housemaids until his old miserly uncle dies and leaves him a decent inheritance? In the meantime, pull yourself together and try not to flash your ankles at anyone.

But yes I think it's probably best you both move on.

Yehhhh run fast!

If he is jealous over you liking a celebrity I can only imagine what he'll be like if you try and have male friends. Or ultimately any friends at all.

This sounds like it was written by a man. Or an AI bot. Who says "swooned"?

He sees you as his property. That is never going to go well. Leave him dumped and be glad you saw this early on.