Im 36 and he's 23

[BertieB88]

Hello,
Just after some general feedback.
I'm a few months away from being 37. I am recently divorced after 15 year relationship and I have a 5 year old son.
I started a casual 'thing' with someone from work which I absolutely thought was a reboundy excitement fling. Now, 18 months later we are living together in the most amazing, respectful and loving relationship. My son and my new partner adore eachother so no issues there. And for the most part things with my ex and co-parenting are very amicable.
There is a 13.5 year age gap between partner and I. I fell pregnant last December and we both decided it wasn't a good time so I have an abortion. I don't regret this but because I know what a brilliant dad new partner would be I am swaying more towards that again.
He is incredibly emotionally tuned in and I can totally see him and I having a baby together. We have recently started talking about this as a possiblity again.
We love eachother madly, always on the same page and support eachother in ways I've never experienced in other partnerships (especially with my ex).
Say for example we started trying for a baby next year when he's 24/25 and I'm 37/38, what are peoples opinion about this. Is this socially frowned upon?
Our families can see our connection and bond, which includes my son, and they love and support us all.
We are both professionals , good incomes and steady lives etc.
If it's not with him, I don't think I'd be bothered about having another child. It's the family with him I want, not just a child for the sake of it.
Any advise welcome.
Thank you xx

Honestly- I think in the long term it won’t work. Mens brains aren’t even fully developed until 25.
Yes I am sure some age gap relationships do last but I think many won’t.

I think the older female younger male makes much more sense than the older male younger female.

Given life expectancy and retirement ages discrepancies it adds up better.

Men never really mature at any age so whether he is 23 or 33 he's likely the same.

I think it's all moved very quickly. You're still in the honeymoon phase. You met him as a rebound and are only recently divorced. He moved in very quickly and you're still in the initial starry eyed phase. I think you should wait and think very carefully about having a child with him.

Honestly, I think a lot of people will be sceptical, including me. But we're not in your relationship, you are, and it's you that will deal with the consequences of your decision about another baby either way, so it's up to you to decide if the downsides of that scepticism outweigh the upsides of going ahead.

I’ve got friends with a similar age gap with the woman the elder half of the couple. They’ve been married for 15 years now and she turned 60 last year got together at around 30 and 42. No kids together but she had teens when they got together. Seems to work well for them.

I’d see how it pans out over the next year, if you are happy together enjoy it!

I mean you’re probably only a few years away from starting peri-menopause so I get the rush to have a baby-but are you sure with such a young man is a good idea. Men can be really shallow about women on the wrong side of 40, are you sure he’s not just sowing his oats with a ‘cougar’ I think they call it these days. Things could look very different to him in a short time and you could be left holding the baby so to speak.

I do appreciate the response. I definitely don't think we're in the honeymoon anymore. In fact I know we're not. We've been through quite a lot (we both had a best friend pass away this year, my divorce and mortgage to sort etc) so it's certainly not been all a big bubble of endless joy. But despite this, our love and communication has waivered

*unwaivered I mean

A friend of mine met a 23 yr old on holiday , when they were early thirties. You would think no chance really. 23 yr old male relocated to our home city and they moved in together,
Fast forward 25 yrs, they are married with 2 beautiful children. There was A LOT of discussion on timing of kids. He wanted to wait till he was 30, but I think friend would have been 40 then. They compromised and had first child when he was late twenties and 2nd child when she was in forties.

its funny really but he was old before his time, a real home body, we used to laugh that he wanted to be home with his pipe and slippers and she wanted to be out on the town! The most important aspect was, that they loved each other and were willing to do what it took to make it work.

There were no children from previous relationships so a bit more straightforward.

No one really knows what relationships will work out.

When I was 23 , I only knew immature 23 yr olds and would never have gone out with a partner my own age. Two of my friends married men significantly younger and I was surprised that in both relationships the men were the more “settled” personalities at a much younger age and have provided loving and secure partners.

i admit to in the past, being a bit ageist towards younger men, as partners, but I have been proven totally incorrect.

Only you know, your relationship. If you love each other and are compatible that can be the grounds for a life together. Including children.

I think that it is all a bit gross tbh. 25yr old are generally enjoying their independence, building their career and having fun, not being tied down with babies with someone with someone 15 yrs older (this goes both ways gender wise)

There's nothing gross about my relationship. We are both adults and he is a very emotionally mature and kind man.

I think it all sounds great. I had a 10 year relationship with a man with a similar age gap. It didn't work in the end but not because of the age thing. The only thing I would say is that a younger partner can make you feel 'old'. Whereas when you're with an older partner you get to be the spring chicken.

Can you imagine going out with a bunch of his 23 year old mates and their (very likely even younger) girlfriends with him.

At that age, they'll think you're ancient (you're not of course). I've been in situations like this, and the older woman has always secretly been laughed at or pitied behind her back, in my experience.

No, just no for me I'm afraid. 23 year old is little more than a child, you are a hop skip and a jump from 40....won't work long term. I find it creepy tbh

Please dont. Please dont have a child with him. You will regret it in the long run. I thing the relationship wont last. Men in 23 its a boy! Still a boy. He will get bored with you when he find someone prettier and younger.

My concern here would be that in 10 years when he’s early 30s and your late 40s he gives you the I need to experience life talk, needs his freedom as he settled down so young. And then he marries has a baby with someone his own age.

of course this can happen in any relationship and this could also not happen. But it’s quite likely when you get to your 30s you start to change what you thought you wanted from your 20s.

I think you asking for general advice will generate answers you may not like, but you did ask.
Ive never been with a younger guy only briefly...couple years difference only...oc they come across as mature .until tshf..then you see if theyre mature or not. I wouldn't... nearly old enough to be my son so no.

I'm sorry to say that men in their early twenties still seem like little boys to me.
I'm sure he's mature etc, but from a societal perspective, you can expect it to be frowned upon.

Sounds super creepy to me. And exploitative. But hey, if he can help you pay your mortgage, parent your kid a bit and give you a short term ego boost, l can see why you would do it. Can't see what's in it for him though.

He is old enough to be op son if she had him at 16, which obvs is the age of consent in this country so a big possibility.

Definitely seems like there's still double standards at play on age-gap relationships (the comments about it being 'gross' are ridiculous). If the genders were reversed here no-one would bat an eyelid. Sounds like a much stronger relationship than many you read on here and don't really see the issue of trying for a baby next year. Previous generations (and quite a few people today) often had 2 kids by the age of 25 so don't see what the fuss is with his age. He sounds more mature than many 30 and 40 somethings.

I met my husband when he was 23 and I was 34. No children involved however. We’ve been together 11 years and still going strong. When I met him I did think he was several years older however (yes I know how cliche that is!), because he has male pattern baldness with a shaved head, and I just assumed he was late 20s. My previous partner was 7 years older than me so I don’t have a thing for young men specifically, it’s just how things worked out, and I’m glad they did.

Where was he living before he moved in with you?
What were his previous serious relationships like?
If you’re both madly in love and planning children, would you marry?

I sold my house and we equally rent a house together. He doesnt parent my child, however he is a fantastic parental figure in my son's life now. Think outside the box a little. I'm not egocentric. We are in love. I'm sorry if you can't relate