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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Im 36 and he's 23

181 replies

BertieB88 · 07/09/2024 22:29

Hello,
Just after some general feedback.
I'm a few months away from being 37. I am recently divorced after 15 year relationship and I have a 5 year old son.
I started a casual 'thing' with someone from work which I absolutely thought was a reboundy excitement fling. Now, 18 months later we are living together in the most amazing, respectful and loving relationship. My son and my new partner adore eachother so no issues there. And for the most part things with my ex and co-parenting are very amicable.
There is a 13.5 year age gap between partner and I. I fell pregnant last December and we both decided it wasn't a good time so I have an abortion. I don't regret this but because I know what a brilliant dad new partner would be I am swaying more towards that again.
He is incredibly emotionally tuned in and I can totally see him and I having a baby together. We have recently started talking about this as a possiblity again.
We love eachother madly, always on the same page and support eachother in ways I've never experienced in other partnerships (especially with my ex).
Say for example we started trying for a baby next year when he's 24/25 and I'm 37/38, what are peoples opinion about this. Is this socially frowned upon?
Our families can see our connection and bond, which includes my son, and they love and support us all.
We are both professionals , good incomes and steady lives etc.
If it's not with him, I don't think I'd be bothered about having another child. It's the family with him I want, not just a child for the sake of it.
Any advise welcome.
Thank you xx

OP posts:
Lovewine1975 · 11/09/2024 16:38

I met my husband when I was 33 and he had just turned 26, things moved quickly and we had moved in together within 8 months, he was young but I felt he was extremely mature for his age, not like normal lads in there 20's. Anyway about a year or so later I had our daughter, I was worried how he would deal with being a dad as he was the first in his friendship group to have a child, all his mates were still down the pub every night out watching football and he was stuck with a screaming baby. It was hard took time to adjust to it but we got through it and he is a fantastic dad, we got married and have been together for 15 years. I know its not such a big age gap as yours but he was still young when we met, I had previously been married! But it just worked and sometimes you have to go with what makes you happy.

Christl78 · 11/09/2024 16:49

BertieB88 · 07/09/2024 23:28

I sold my house and we equally rent a house together. He doesnt parent my child, however he is a fantastic parental figure in my son's life now. Think outside the box a little. I'm not egocentric. We are in love. I'm sorry if you can't relate

Hmmm, seems to me you become a bit defensive when hearing the opposite opinion of what you would have liked to hear.

I think enjoy it and let it roll for 1 more year minimum before you decide having a kid.

RubyRosieRoyce · 11/09/2024 17:17

OP I would see it for what the majority of relationships are when the women is much older. These are his 20s which he spent with an older woman, he will hit 30, want to settle down and have kids, and is likely to be attracted to women who can provide that for him. At that stage you will be going through peri/ menopause and all that comes with that. It’s statistically unlikely to last. I would not want my 23 year old son tied down with kids and child support with a much older woman. It could be that this is the small percentage of these relationships that actually do work out, only time will tell

Aliceal · 11/09/2024 17:43

Odd post. You ask if it is socially frowned upon, then defend your relationship when people say yes it is.

Or did you only want opinions that validate yours?

Fastback · 12/09/2024 06:46

andfinallyhereweare · 10/09/2024 10:15

@BertieB88 of course you have OP you’re probably not far off her age…

🫢🫢🫢

SkyGrant · 12/09/2024 07:32

Hi Op My advice would be as I have experience of age difference, my wife is 7/8 years older than me.We have been married more than 40 years.
Ignore what anyone says to you I know it is difficult but it is none of their business and tell them to look at themselves if they make any criticism.

You have been together some time now and make the most of the relationship, a good and fulfilling one is very difficult to achieve and you have bother done this so far.

Enjoy yourselves, all the very best good luck to you both.

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