daughter absolutely devastated after being on end of disgusting game

[thgdd55]

My daughter is struggling and won't leave the house after being a victim of such an awful game of "who can sleep with the ugliest girl in room" she was completely used by a complete sicko and I am unsure how to get her help so she can't get past this

@thgdd55 - whilst it is very hurtful, your daughter can hold her head high, unlike those low life losers who did this to her. It speaks volumes about them.

Her best revenge is to get out and exube confidence. Tell her to fake it until she can make it. I would not let these little scrotes get the upper hand.

Tbh if asked about having sex with X, she should just claim that she didn't cos he was so inebriated he couldn't get it up.

Big hugs to your trusting and lovely daughter.

I was at university in the 90s and would have been horrified at something so mysogynistic. However if the women having sex with these morons knew they were doing it because of a points system, then no harm done I suppose.

She hasn't been assaulted. She willing took him to her hotel room and consented.

Her family were there, if she had been too drunk to consent then surely they would have called the police when they discovered she was included in this "game".

She was used in a horrible game, don't undermine assault victims who didn't consent.

It was consent, however it was unclear as to his intentions. Eg if he has HIV and has sex with someone and holds back vital information that may make the consent change then that's deceptive - no matter the circumstances. What if this poor young woman has mental health issues, body dysmorphia etc and that pushes her over the edge - it's disgusting and if nothing else he should be dragged into a police station and questioned - perhaps he'd like it if he was arrested at work and made to look like the that he is ... he'd be laughing on the other side of his face!

I remember those times well. It was an awful time to be a feminist. Everything was about being a lad including women, it was very obnoxious. If you said anything, you were a girl which was the worst insult.

I can just imagine a load of laddettes, flicking through FHM, and asking much anal he needed before he won prick lad of the month.

No one giving a second thought to the women being uses as sperm receptacles. Girl power indeed.

I would argue she didn't consent, and that she was coerced.

How naughty!

I was at university in the mid-1990s and nothing like that happened! What you're describing sounds like something from a film, like American Pie or Animal House.

People weren't offended so wouldnt complain. That's the point. Maybe it was peak ladette culture, remember The Girlie Show and The Word. Women were emancipated and nobody saw it as predatory. As long as it's all consensual then no harm done.

But not everyone is the same. Many people would have been horrified - you can't assume the ladette culture was OK with everyone. Women being emancipated is not the same as this crude and exploitative attitude to sex and relationships. It's depressing to equate those things, and women always come off worse in these situations - they're sold a myth that they're being emancipated, but who wins? I've always thought the ladette culture played very much into the interests of men, and this has confirmed it.

Were you there?

She could have said no and not taken him to her hotel room. She was surrounded by family, if she felt coerced she had safe people to go to.

A young woman making a decision to have sex with someone she apparently wanted to, is not coercive. If she had never found out about the "game" she would have no reason to think of it as anything other than a ONS.

The men are still disgusting. These games will only stop when women stop having ONS. It's not fair or reasonable but it is the only way they will stop.

I've always thought the ladette culture played very much into the interests of men, and this has confirmed it.

It was all about the men. It was around that time that stripping was rebranded as empowering. Everything was ironic, so they weren't really mysogynist arseholes, they were cheeky chappies and if you complained you were a girl.

"and the girls partook" - you mean they consented? There's a huge difference between casual consensual sex which you're describing and sex that involves cruelness and deception as OP describes. If the girls didn't know about the game, or they did but felt uncomfortable about it, there's nuance depending on how much pressure was involved, whether the guys genuinely thought they had consent etc. And of course it can definitely contribute to grim, misogynistic culture, but that's the issue, not a casual approach to sex.

Some people on the thread are criticising casual sex, most are criticising the cruelty and deception.

She didn't knowingly consent - she thought they were mutually interested in each other. He wasn't, he wanted her for a game, and a game that humiliated her.

That's not informed consent. I thought we knew better these days.

I feel extremely strongly about women’s rights, and particularly the appalling prevalence of sexual and domestic violence in this country.

But we have to be very carefully about what we seek to criminalise. What about someone who slept with a man because she thought he wanted a relationship but turns out he didn’t? What about if a woman was cheating and her partner wouldn’t have consented if they’d known that? Neither of these are materially different to the OP’s daughter’s awful situation.

The inevitable outcome, in a society that hates women, is that the defence for all rapists becomes “charges of rape are very often just cases of regret or upset”. Careful what you wish for.

You're being obtuse because you don't like being told you are wrong.

If your friend was a man and told his wife he was unable to get her pregnant but that was a lie and he kept having sex with her, would you tell her?

Of course!

Well the same thing goes!

Your friend is assaulting her husband.

A spectrum with a car and a pencil was used as an analogy. In your situation, your friend is doing a lot worse than stealing a pencil.

Stop being an asshole and warn that poor guy.
And choose better friends.

Stop making ridiclious comparisons about reporting crimes. If my friend was a beast like yours I wouldn't have a leg to stand on either. But alas, it us you who keeps unsavory company and defends a creep.

None of your family said anything at the time?

OP, I'm so sorry this happened to your daughter. To me it's rare, regardless of what the law says.
No advice but sending good thoughts her way.

Realistically, I don't think any woman in this situation would have a hope of a conviction.

However, as a friend or relative I would absolutely view her as having been assaulted.

I feel extremely strongly about women’s rights, and particularly the appalling prevalence of sexual and domestic violence in this country.

But we have to be very carefully about what we seek to criminalise. What about someone who slept with a man because she thought he wanted a relationship but turns out he didn’t? What about if a woman was cheating and her partner wouldn’t have consented if they’d known that? Neither of these are materially different to the OP’s daughter’s awful situation.

@DownThePubWithStevieNicks very good point

Realistically, I don't think any woman in this situation would have a hope of a conviction.

However, as a friend or relative I would absolutely view her as having been assaulted.

I think it would be worth shaming the relevant individuals, though. I'm sure OP will know who they are, and even if this family are as low-life as they sound, in the cold light of day when they're sober, being confronted with their disgusting behaviour can shame even people like this.

I'd be aiming to do that - I hate to think of them getting away with it. At the most basic level, would his mum be proud of him? I wonder what she would say?

Absolutely, he should be shamed far and wide.

Shaming people is just as bad. 2 wrongs dont make a right.