daughter absolutely devastated after being on end of disgusting game

[thgdd55]

My daughter is struggling and won't leave the house after being a victim of such an awful game of "who can sleep with the ugliest girl in room" she was completely used by a complete sicko and I am unsure how to get her help so she can't get past this

"I think if my husband had witnessed this about our DD he would have hit him."

🙄

I'm having trouble picturing the scene in the bar tbh. What exactly did the boys say and who was it that witnessed it?

Women's Aid might run classes for self esteem building in your area. If not try encouraging her to read self confidence building books or do an online course.

Horrible thing to happen but she can at least take back the power from it and learn she is worth more than any random hook up, ever. She can develop her own set of rules to never be in the situation again.

Wow.

Is this not a hate crime?

Hi OP - there is quite a bit on social media about this. Women who have had this experience. It’s great because they are very strong and laughing at the men who do it. I will try and find some of the videos.

Sounds very much like Frat house games or stag night roulette.

@MumonabikeE5 re read your post, really think about what it says, then hang your head in shame

this is vile OP, I’m sorry this happened to your daughter.

O god your poor dd
that is a disgusting game
okay I would publicly shame them
grt in touch with your half brother if he doesn’t already know
get in Touch with all the relatives especially the mothers of the perpetrators and just keep rip

It is going to be difficult for her to work through but time and distance will help. I would be interested in whose friends these are that they were invited to the wedding. I would expect hell to be paid and friendships ended over such disgusting behaviour. Of course that’s not within your power but if that’s the company kept I would distance your family from it.

If these perpetrators are known to the family, then there should be a family response, that their behaviour is disgusting and they are not welcome anywhere near the family in future.

Your daughter is far more beautiful than any of the pigs that took part in this. Nothing is less attractive than a person whose character is so poor that they would engage in this sort of thing.

I'm new on here and I actually came on to get advice for myself but then this conversation popped up and I had to comment. I'm a granny now but when I was younger a similar thing happened to me. It did teach me to be more careful but at the same time it should have been flagged up as abuse. I wouldn't just leave it, I'd call this person out and everyone who supported it. They won't understand but they have to know it isn't just going to be accepted as normal behaviour. Putting the sexual abuse (this IS what it is) to one side, what kind of arrogant bastard thinks they have the right to call someone else ugly anyway? Each to their own. Your daughter needs to find or spend time with her tribe so she can acknowledge her own worth and rise above this. It will take time but she can do it, especially with your support.

Nope. Because misogyny was specifically excluded from the definition of what makes a crime a hate crime.

Victim blaming?
no, self preservation- very few people are devoid enough of feelings to have such casual hook ups.
im sorry that she has had to learn that.

Why does she know? Pretty poor form for those observing this- for not challenging it at the time and for allowing it to become common knowledge.

It does smack of tricking someone into sex.

To those saying it a ‘nowadays’ thing, men have always played these misogynistic game- ugliest, fattest, oldest. I would be so ashamed if my son behaved like this- of him but also myself.

i would scorch the ‘man’ on SM, telling everyone who would listen what a slimy snake he was. Shame on them all!

It’s been around for decades. ‘Pull a pig’ they used to call it in the 90s. Sadly inadequate men have always existed and always will.

I’m always puzzled at how these boys men don’t see how badly it reflects on them. Firstly the cruelty itself and the fact they have coerced a woman into sex she wouldn’t have agreed to if she had understood the situation.

But also that if they genuinely believe the woman is deeply unattractive- why are they congratulating themselves on managing to ‘pull’ her? Men like that believe that unattractive/overweight women don’t get many offers and so will sleep with anyone and be grateful for it.

These men are stupid as well as cruel.

It’s been happening in the UK for decades. In my day 90s+ it was called pull a pig. I actually, probably stupidly thought these things were slowly dying out.

Given family witnessed it, please tell me someone did/said something to the so called players. i couldn't imagine anyone in my family accepting this behaviour whether it was a family member targeted or playing the game, especially at a family wedding.

Certainly sounds like it to me.

There was something like this in the news a while ago. A poor girl who was told that she was the victim of a 'pull a pig' competition. People can be so nasty and cruel, can't they. I remember both girls and boys at uni engaging in behaviour a bit like this but nothing as nasty as what the OP's DD endured.
I hope she's okay soon.
Also, the person who charmingly blamed the DD for her poor decisions, maybe you haven't lived with low self-esteem. If you are routinely told you're not attractive and then someone shows an interest, you are likely to do what they ask of you because you feel you can't be too picky. It's not her fault that this happened.

People can be so nasty and cruel, can't they. I remember both girls and boys at uni engaging in behaviour a bit like this but nothing as nasty as what the OP's DD endured.

Yes, and i thought it had died out

From the sound of it, there were at least two other young women who did the same thing, which is not good. I don't understand how these men could have been celebrating in the bar, in front of the family whose daughter it was. It is weird.

Agree with earlier poster that there should be a family response. You MUST talk to your half-brother. It doesn't matter that he's just got married or on honeymoon. Your daughter is more important - make it super clear that it's unacceptable and that you would like an apology. I know it won't 'fix it', but it will send a v clear message to your extended family and to your daughter, at the esteem with which you hold her.

I will also PM you.