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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

daughter absolutely devastated after being on end of disgusting game

221 replies

thgdd55 · 05/09/2024 12:43

My daughter is struggling and won't leave the house after being a victim of such an awful game of "who can sleep with the ugliest girl in room" she was completely used by a complete sicko and I am unsure how to get her help so she can't get past this

OP posts:
HappyDane · 05/09/2024 13:29

Idontjetwashthefucker · 05/09/2024 13:26

Are you the same OP who posted about one of her daughters having horrendous diarrhoea, one getting a bollocking for giving away gym kit, and another thread about another daughter having some sort of problem?

Hmmm. Not going to say anything other than my senses were starting to tingle. Didn't check the username well enough either.

Maray1967 · 05/09/2024 13:29

Timeheals · 05/09/2024 13:13

It is going to be difficult for her to work through but time and distance will help. I would be interested in whose friends these are that they were invited to the wedding. I would expect hell to be paid and friendships ended over such disgusting behaviour. Of course that’s not within your power but if that’s the company kept I would distance your family from it.

This. I’d be demanding the contact details of these bastards from the bride and groom.

Plantparent · 05/09/2024 13:29

I remember a girl who went to the press after meeting a guy in Amsterdam, only to be stood up and told that he was playing "pull a pig". Selling your story is an extreme measure and totally get why it wouldn't be for your daughter but it would be publicly shaming him on the highest level. No girl would go near him after that!

CoffeeCantata · 05/09/2024 13:30

OP, I'm so, so sorry this has happened to your daughter. I don't know if I can make any useful suggestions, but I'm pretty old and I never came across anything of this type at school or university or since. Is it a result of the new wave of misogynistic culture being promoted on SM etc? Ugh,

I think, please do SOMETHING rather than nothing. I know your daughter will feel like hiding, but do whatever it takes to get her out for a positive experience of some kind with friends, if you can. Has she got a group of good mates who could take her out for the day, or a night somewhere? I really hope so. She might want to tell them about it or not, or possibly an edited version, just to unburden herself.

I would contact the wedding family and name and shame. I would NOT want to let this go, or to let such vile creeps get away with it. You have nothing to lose doing this - they are clearly not nice, close friends, so kick up a stink if you can. Even repulsive people like that aren't quite so happy to let these things be widely known once they've sobered up in the cold light of day. I would want to make things very uncomfortable for them, and perhaps add in a critique of the offender's own appearance - sorry, but it would make me feel better.

I wish her all the very best, poor lass. It's nothing to do with her and everything to do with this low-life, but I know it will take a while for her to see it that way.

Good luck to you both.

NeedToChangeName · 05/09/2024 13:30

Agree with this. Going forward, I'd suggest getting to know someone before having sex with them. The game sounds awful and I understand why she's upset

MattSmithsBowTie · 05/09/2024 13:30

Men want to be careful being so public about their vile ‘games’, they wouldn’t be laughing if they found themselves having a visit from the police on suspicion of rape, even if it came to nothing it would be rather inconvenient for them.

LadyKenya · 05/09/2024 13:31

The family were present in the bar when the winner was being crowned. What was said, or done about that?

Rymeswithpunt · 05/09/2024 13:31

Sex by deception (which is what this was) is rape and against the law.
I would find the boy and leave him in no uncertainty that he is a rapist and you will be spreading that fact far and wide.

myhappychappy · 05/09/2024 13:31

I hate men. Massive hugs to your daughter OP. They are the ugly ones . They make me sick. If I got my hands on them .(Mother of an 18 year old daughter who has been through similiar ). No advice - just reassurance that their confidence and self esteem must be so low that they need they need to be in a wee Ladz Gang. Karma will come for them.

rosanna19 · 05/09/2024 13:31

that is absolutely outrageous and you/your family should be getting the contact details for these losers and absolutely ripping them a new one, including informing them that you will be seeking legal advice (whether or not this counts as a crime I don't know but you should look into it). They need to be publicly shamed so that all THEIR friends and family and employers know exactly how disgusting they re Your daughter needs to know that what happened to her wasn't just a joke but an abusive, misogynistic and twisted act of bullying and hate. They are absolutely disgusting and you need to help her find and express her anger if at all possible.

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 05/09/2024 13:32

SilenceInside · 05/09/2024 13:14

Nope. Because misogyny was specifically excluded from the definition of what makes a crime a hate crime.

But also because it’s not a crime. Hate is an aggravator, not a crime in itself. So a racist attack would be a hate crime, because assault is a crime, and it’s been aggravated by racism.

What happened to OP’s daughter is misogyny, no doubt about it. She’s been victim of horrible treatment and must feel awful. But there’s no crime been committed.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 05/09/2024 13:32

This reply has been deleted

This is the work of a previously banned poster.

What is it with people on here thinking anything they've never come across before must be American? It's such an odd way to think.

Pyjamatimenow · 05/09/2024 13:33

What kind of people are they that this would go on at a family wedding. Appalling. It’s really gross but it really does say more about them that her. I’m afraid that it’s a very hard thing to learn but sex with men you hardly know can lead to rejection and upset for young women. This is the worst kind of humiliation and rejection but it will hopefully make her think twice in future before intimacy.

Purplebunnie · 05/09/2024 13:33

Were his parents at this wedding? I wonder how proud of this little gem of manhood they are.

I'm so angry on your daughters behalf, I want to know his name, report him to his employers, confront his parents, I don't know what.

And men wonder why women don't want to have anything to do with them

CoffeeCantata · 05/09/2024 13:33

MinnieCauldwell · 05/09/2024 13:23

I would put the fear of God int the lot of them, putbthe word out that she is viewing this as assault and speaking to the police. He will crap himself. And will look likeva sex offender, which is what he is.

I would support this. Yes, make the........stew.

Howdull · 05/09/2024 13:34

Idontjetwashthefucker · 05/09/2024 13:26

Are you the same OP who posted about one of her daughters having horrendous diarrhoea, one getting a bollocking for giving away gym kit, and another thread about another daughter having some sort of problem?

Are you, OP?

redtrain123 · 05/09/2024 13:36

I would go NC with as many of those people involved as possible.

As anyone reached out to her who saw what happened?

How vile these people were.

Hugs to your daughter.

Gas the bride and groom said anything? I would be disgusted if any of my guests did that.

Rumshotsandrainshowers · 05/09/2024 13:36

I had this happen to me, or something similar. I went home with a guy at the same age, and the next day they were all talking about how it was a “grunt hunt” . However, and I mean this without arrogance, I’m actually considered very attractive. I didn’t know what a grunt hunt was, and was told it was when you sleep with a pig. My and his friends were saying stay away from him, this is what he’s doing and saying, I was really shocked, his friends didn’t support him which is where I guess it differs. He’d been chasing me for quite some time.

He then kept trying to get with me again, not knowing I knew what he had said, obvs it was a no go, but I can honestly say it impacted me hugely , I would shake and hyperventilate and need to basically move away when he entered the space I was in.

It didn’t Impact me in the way I suddenly felt I was a “pig” , I didn’t loose confidence, you know when you’re attractive, and again sorry for that, but more that it was him being a complete arrogant dick, saying that he could get with the pretty girl and call her a pig , that he’d not have went near me otherwise, but I felt really , really ashamed, and everyone knew. That I’d went home with him and he told everyone the next day he only got with me as I was a pig and due to the grunt hunt thing he had going with his mates,

so I sympathise with your daughter, it was utterly horrendous for me, and 3 decades later I still feel that horror when I think on it. Which, to be clear I don’t often. She will get past this, but yes it’s horrendous and horrifying to know this shit still goes on,

Caramellie3 · 05/09/2024 13:36

Clearly an immature group of men still thinking like they are younger than their years. I know it hurts now but she will learn from this and be stronger. I am older I would never have a one night stand. There is a lack of respect by men (generalisation) when together and alcohol consumed. I would consider self care, maybe counselling around this event and what led to it might be worth while. I hope she is ok.
Also I had a man comment that I looked like a pig once when I was with friends on a night out. I knew I did not but it still hurt. Obviously I didn’t forget. But now 20 years later I still get told I’m attractive etc. His opinion is not everyone’s.

Velvian · 05/09/2024 13:36

I'm so sorry @thgdd55 your poor DD. I hope your family members have taken these idiots to task.

anotherside · 05/09/2024 13:37

Scirocco · 05/09/2024 13:14

If these perpetrators are known to the family, then there should be a family response, that their behaviour is disgusting and they are not welcome anywhere near the family in future.

Your daughter is far more beautiful than any of the pigs that took part in this. Nothing is less attractive than a person whose character is so poor that they would engage in this sort of thing.

Agreed. They had their “fun” now they need calling out.

Struggling1981 · 05/09/2024 13:38

Oh OP. I’ve been in on the receiving end of things like this in my 20s, things like she’s fat but has a pretty face. I lacked self esteem and just threw myself out there, these so called men would want me in secret but not in front of their friends, never a girl friend but always a one night stand, I sadly as I thought so lowly of myself took what scraps I was given.

Ive been through a lot of therapy and please do get your DD some therapy if you can to process this, it’s actually really traumatic.

FlippityFloppityFlump · 05/09/2024 13:38

I am so sorry this happened to your daughter. Those men are utter disgusting pigs. It says a lot more about them that they are willing to have sex with someone they are not attracted to win a game.

Are they so pathetic and such low achievers that this is the only thing they can 'succeed' at.

Please tell your daughter that those men are the ugly ones, ugly to the very core.

I can't do anything to help your daughter but I will talk to my 11 year old son about this - as if it was a kiss not sex - in the hope there will be one less man in the future who does such things and who will stand up to others

I would also speak to the bride and groom. I would have been utterly disgusted if guests of mine (presumably my family or friend) behaved that way at my wedding towards someone else I cared about and would want to know and tell them what I thought of them

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 05/09/2024 13:38

@thgdd55 words just arent enough to describe this cruel and vile behaviour! it is a known fact that boys are not nearly as mature as girls! someone needs to send him an invite to a nursery open day! and that is being nice!

DeadbeatYoda · 05/09/2024 13:38

Find their mothers on fb and tell them what vile shits their beloved sons are.

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