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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

daughter absolutely devastated after being on end of disgusting game

221 replies

thgdd55 · 05/09/2024 12:43

My daughter is struggling and won't leave the house after being a victim of such an awful game of "who can sleep with the ugliest girl in room" she was completely used by a complete sicko and I am unsure how to get her help so she can't get past this

OP posts:
resipsa · 05/09/2024 13:19

Your poor daughter. Every day there is another reason to dislike men. More so this week than for a while (your daughter's distress, a family annihilation, French rapist, death of Olympic athlete).

fatphalange · 05/09/2024 13:19

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Grow up. Adults are allowed to have a bit of sex should they fancy it. It's as simple as that! OP's DD was deceived. A victim. It's not down to her to learn any lessons just because some uptight pearl clutcher on here wanted to stick the boot in.

OP I'm at a loss for words. How cruel. I'd have hit the fucking roof if I ever witnessed such a disgusting 'crowning ceremony'. Just keep reinforcing to your DD that this is not because of her, but a side effect of being a hideously flawed set of men. It is NOT a reflection on her or personal at all even though the whole 'point' of the 'game' would suggest otherwise. These shitty, horrible cunts had to find at least one victim and this time it was your poor daughter. Flowers

jackstini · 05/09/2024 13:19

That's horrific OP, am so sorry this happened to your dd. It's not her fault and she deserves all the love and support in the world, heartbreaking for both of you

What happened when they announced it at the bar? I'm utterly amazed that someone didn't lamp them straightaway - it's disgusting, pathetic behaviour

As it seems like everyone knows what happened anyway, are there a few of you who are willing to group together and call out those vile excuses for men who did this?

Skirthelp · 05/09/2024 13:20

Oh my god that’s disgusting behaviour from them, the only ugly people in this scenario are the men who played that vile game and then publicly bragged about it afterwards.

it’s hideous for your daughter but will get less painful in time. The shame lies with them for being hideous humans, not with her.

Crabwoman · 05/09/2024 13:20

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Wow

LauderSyme · 05/09/2024 13:21

That "crowning ceremony" is so gross. Your poor daughter is drowning in shame and humiliation - even though that should be how the bloke is feeling, not her at all 😢

She is probably ruminating on what happened, replaying aspects of it over and over again in her mind. This will be strengthening those neural pathways and compelling her to believe ever more deeply what those thoughts are telling her about herself.

She could benefit from questioning her own thoughts, unpacking what happened and interrogating her own ideas about what it means about her. In my experience this is more easily done with the help of a professional psychotherapist.

socks1107 · 05/09/2024 13:22

I am so sorry your dd has been through this.
Sadly my ex husband used to play something similar ( the name they gave it I won't even write here) I discovered it after our separation on social media but I suspect given his general opinion of women that he did it during our marriage.

Seek some counselling, call these people out if you can and remind her she is beautiful. This person is nothing compared to her

SilenceInside · 05/09/2024 13:22

I have a suspicion that these men knew that the atmosphere from those present would be supportive rather than angry, hence daring to do it in the first place. These are family members and friends of the groom, where will they have got their attitudes and values from? From that side of the family....

MinnieCauldwell · 05/09/2024 13:23

I would put the fear of God int the lot of them, putbthe word out that she is viewing this as assault and speaking to the police. He will crap himself. And will look likeva sex offender, which is what he is.

BarbaraHoward · 05/09/2024 13:23

Your poor daughter, that is horrific. I would class that as assault tbh, she was coerced and didn't consent to be a part of that game.

I can't think of any words strong enough for the men involved.

Another2022 · 05/09/2024 13:25

BranstonPickleAndNikNaks · 05/09/2024 13:05

If it was your half brother's wedding there must have been several of your (daughter's) family there. Did you witness the toast? Did nobody from her family step forward to publicly rip the man a new one? I can't conceive of this happening to someone in my family and the entire family all rallying around the victim and making the men wish they'd never entered the hotel. Anyone who stood silently and watched is as guilty as the men playing the "game" IMO

Exactly this. If I was there and this happened to a stranger I'd be calling it out, making sure everyone there knew how disgusting it was!
This is awful, humanity at its worst. So sorry for your daughter, please let her know most men are not like this.

overandoveransover · 05/09/2024 13:25

I had some horrible gross behaviour done to me by boys when I was young (17-19) too. It’s taken me a long time to recognise what they did. But now I’m where I am in life, whenever I get a flashback to any of it, I work to remind myself that I should feel no shame. THEY are the disgusting misogynists, sexual assaulters (some of they did would constitute assault, sadly as a 17 year old I didn’t realise), who should be crippled with shame in their 30s now recollecting what they did. It might take time but try work with her to understand and recognise they are the absolutely revolting ones who should be deeply ashamed, who act in these ways due to some perverse insecurity and
misogyny, and that she is strong, beautiful woman who can rise above them and feel pity for whichever poor women end up with them.

Make sure it doesn’t somehow end up with her seeking reassurance and gratification through male attention. Unfortunately, in my case at least, there was a stage where I had low standards in men due to how it would help my esteem I think. I now recognise my worth and wouldn’t go near any man who doesn’t respect me, but I wasn’t like that for a long time.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 05/09/2024 13:25

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 05/09/2024 13:10

Is this not a hate crime?

Which criminal offence do you suspect has occurred here?

Idontjetwashthefucker · 05/09/2024 13:26

Are you the same OP who posted about one of her daughters having horrendous diarrhoea, one getting a bollocking for giving away gym kit, and another thread about another daughter having some sort of problem?

PattayaDong · 05/09/2024 13:26

This reply has been deleted

This is the work of a previously banned poster.

PandoraSox · 05/09/2024 13:26

MumonabikeE5 · 05/09/2024 13:15

Victim blaming?
no, self preservation- very few people are devoid enough of feelings to have such casual hook ups.
im sorry that she has had to learn that.

Show quote history

The only person devoid of feelings is the prick who coerced the young woman into sex with the intention of humiliating her.

Women are allowed to have casual hook ups. It is not the 1950s.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 05/09/2024 13:26

SilenceInside · 05/09/2024 13:14

Nope. Because misogyny was specifically excluded from the definition of what makes a crime a hate crime.

Show quote history

But the new government are including it?

Its abuse though.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 05/09/2024 13:26

This happened to me at a school disco when I was 16 - apparently a competition amongst the boys to dance with the ugliest girl. At the time I was really flattered that this good looking boy wanted to dance with me. I only found out later in the evening, and not as publicly as your poor dd, but I was mortified. It took me a few months to believe that anyone asking me to dance wasn't doing so as a dare/bet.

The men who did this are absolute pigs. Sadly I don't think there is a crime committed (bloody should be illegal though) but I would check that - presumably your DD wouldn't have consented if she had known she was the subject of such an appalling competition.

CraigBrown · 05/09/2024 13:27

What a horrific thing to have done to her. Your poor daughter, my heart goes out to her.

It’s not a crime but I can imagine that to her it feels like one. I’d encourage her to consider seeing a counsellor- maybe not now but when she feels ready.

I would not engage with the disgusting man at all. I certainly wouldn’t try and shame him publicly, as doing so is likely to bring more unwanted attention to your daughter. Take your cue from her.

PP mentioned online groups of women who have experienced this. Might be a useful source of support and help your daughter access her anger rather than shame.

Flextime · 05/09/2024 13:27

Hi OP
I am so sorry to hear this . I’ve been called ugly my whole life ( and also pretty ? ), so it’s all v subjective . In time your daughter will recover and I hope you can help her with her self esteem by emphasising her good traits or maybe spoiling her etc .

Projectme · 05/09/2024 13:27

thgdd55 · 05/09/2024 12:59

She didn't go home with one they went to her hotel bedroom which was within the same venue. Afterwards early hours in the morning they had a celebration toast to "the winner" and all our family were there to witness this toast. It was horrible.

Show quote history

'all our family were there to witness...' and not one of you/them said or did anything at the time??!😳

edit: Sorry, I meant to say I feel so sorry for your daughter; it's an absolutely hideous thing to have been on the end of.

AdviceNeeded2024 · 05/09/2024 13:27

This is disguising. I’m so sorry for your daughter. Needs to be addressed with those that know the absolute low life’s.

Stuff like this makes me so angry, you’d never hear of females doing this to males. What makes them think they’re so fucking special? I bet none of them look like Brad Pitt. Fucking losers. Ooooh 🤬🤬

FloofPaws · 05/09/2024 13:27

MinnieCauldwell · 05/09/2024 13:23

I would put the fear of God int the lot of them, putbthe word out that she is viewing this as assault and speaking to the police. He will crap himself. And will look likeva sex offender, which is what he is.

Inageee! In fact I'd be looking into just that, what an absolutely astoundingly disgusting thing to do to people, bloody disgusting. Your poor child must be absolutely floored by this
I hope it's a hate crime and I hope they get into trouble - low life bottom feeding arseholes

Justcallmebebes · 05/09/2024 13:28

SilenceInside · 05/09/2024 13:22

I have a suspicion that these men knew that the atmosphere from those present would be supportive rather than angry, hence daring to do it in the first place. These are family members and friends of the groom, where will they have got their attitudes and values from? From that side of the family....

From my understanding, the groom is the OP's half brother which is her family!

They may have been the bride's friends or a mixture of both

BarbaraHoward · 05/09/2024 13:28

Idontjetwashthefucker · 05/09/2024 13:26

Are you the same OP who posted about one of her daughters having horrendous diarrhoea, one getting a bollocking for giving away gym kit, and another thread about another daughter having some sort of problem?

I very much doubt it.

That poster was overreacting to the incidents posted.

This woman's daughter has been assaulted.