Dating at 50

[50andhopeless]

I am 50, female, blonde, blue eyes, slim, and attractive. I used to be well off when I was married. But also recently divorced, no assets or savings , minimum wage on dead end job, no qualifications and living on a shared accommodation. I drink and do the occasional drugs. What are my possibilities to find a nice man with a good job, no baggage that wants a serious relationship? I am in Bumble. I am being honest to find honest advice

You asked for honesty and I don’t want to drag you down but …

With respect, drink? Drugs sometimes?
Maybe you need a crutch, not a man. An indulgent “sugar daddy” might suit you?

At your age, you’re surely mature enough to get yourself sorted out, stop poisoning your body, get a better job and not hope for a man to be your meal ticket.

Additionally you’ll be very very lucky to find one without baggage.

Good luck with your shopping list.

Did you not come away with anything in your divorce?

As for a man with a good job, when you are in your 40/50s you are expected to be able to support yourself and not relay on someone else. Maybe look at how you could progress at work to get yourself out of your situation.
And yes, most men that age have baggage.

No chance whatsoever I'm afraid.

He hid all his assets and divorced me abroad.

Get an evening/weekend job in a nice pub.

If nothing else will get you out of the house and up your chances of meeting someone.

And work on increasing your own savings and pension.

I would assume for now you are on your own, wealth wise, if a man comes along it would be a bonus.

I work. I don't want a meal ticket. I just want a partner that has a good job and wants a serious relationship but I am struggling to find one. Is there anyone with a good story on finding someone after 50? are good men looking me down as I have no assets, a terrible job and live in shared accommodation?

good men looking me down as I have no assets, a terrible job and live in shared accommodation?

Maybe yes.
Just as you are looking for a man with a good job, no baggage it's not difficult to consider a man with a good job, house, got his life together is looking for a woman in her 50s, own place, money to have fun with, an equal.

You're not looking for an equal OP.

Perhaps you could find a nice man, but presently a bit down on his luck and build something together?

I'm sorry but i think you might be disappointed.

I would simply focus on yourself. Improving your lot by retraining or just developing your own interests.

Dating is awful in your fifties. Just enjoy being single.

I don't think most people find 50 year olds doing drugs attractive, unless you are particularly rock n roll or a supermodel. So I'd recommend completely quitting that. Quit the booze too, and start saving money that way. Build your own savings where possible.
If you are attractive, unfair as it is, this will still work in your favour and give you the edge over someone who is similarly down on their luck at this stage of life but not as attractive, so do what you can to maintain this, and your figure. You may find someone who likes to play hero/rescuer, or you may find someone who is in a not too dissimilar place as you and you can build up to living in a modest place together in due course and live happily ever after.
I liked the pp's suggestion of working in a bar, you might meet someone that way, without looking like you're trying too hard.
Best of luck x

Quite judgy posts here ! I kind of agree on drugs ... but plenty people drink so not sure you need to be teetotal !

The issue is possibly that you're looking at the wrong type of guy. It seemes to me when online dating that older men are able to get matched with a wide range of ages of women but older women is very much harder. I'd suggest making your search criteria a bit wider and maybe look at slightly older men rather than necessarily your age.
It's just a numbers game, there are decent blokes out there but it is a case of sifting through the dross.

are good men looking me down as I have no assets, a terrible job and live in shared accommodation?

Too be honest a great many women would not want to date a 50 year old man in similar circumstances, including you by the sounds of it.
Personally it would be a no from me as if we were to get married all my assests would be on the line. Again. Twice bitten an all that.

I don't know what blue eyes and blonde hair have to do with anything.

I'm your age and wouldn't touch anyone interested in drugs and alcohol with a barge pole.

It would depend just how recently you'd been divorced.

What positives can you offer? Interests, practical skills, caring?

Slim, blond and blue eyes are my physical descriptions. Not better not worse. I used to attract a lot of men's attention. My ex-husband was a top executive of a foreign bank. Somehow I ended up in this position. I am struggling to find someone on dating sites that wants a relationship with me.

I met DH online, about 4 months before I was 50.
He is lovely and we are very happy. I had met a lot of men before I met him though.
Online dating can be brutal. I naively thought I'd have a relationship with the first man I met. It was more like the 101st 😂
But I have no regrets and DH and I were lucky to get there in the end.

Your ex husband's job is completely irrelevant.

What can you offer?

Do you have plans to find a new job if you're unhappy in your present one?

You can't ask for no baggage when you have your own.
Most people do by age 50.

Could I ask how you could afford to go on all these dates? I never know if I will have to pay half the bill. A 100 pound dinner will put me in red for the month.

So what kind of man are you looking to date?
tall, handsome with broad shoulders and a 7 figure salary? You’re 20 years too old I am afraid.

I doubt your issues are down to lack of matches, considering your marriage perhaps you have unrealistic exceptions of old and the type of man who would be interested.
Also when you last dated you probably had high value men falling at your feet. Thats not going to happen when you are 50.

Truthfully? If your good looking enough you'll be beating all the white knights and saviours off with sticks. You'll need to be careful they're not in it for the control, but there are some nice guys who are a sucker for a distressed damsel. If you're not gorgeous you will find it much more difficult. But no surprise there, its ever the way for women.

There is a good film called Barfly with Faye Dunaway about an older woman with addiction issues dating. I don't know how realistic it is but it was pretty good.

Old is bloody brutal for everyone is the honest truth

McDonald’s coffee??
😁

@50andhopeless Should be fairly easy to find a romantic partner. For a start, you are "slim and attractive," which is a good start. You may have a low paid, dead-end job, but having any job is the most important thing when it comes to dating men.

The only thing that's unpleasant is using drugs, so I would try to kick that habit if you can.

Do you live in a big city? Do you have kids? Are you fit/Do you work out? What kind of "dead end job" do you do?

What kind of man are you looking for, in terms of age, job, attractiveness, etc?

(Re money for dates, go for a drink first, so if your date won't pay you won't be too out of cash)

I'm 45, OLDing in an European capital. Still trying to figure out how to do it.