Dating at 50

[50andhopeless]

I am 50, female, blonde, blue eyes, slim, and attractive. I used to be well off when I was married. But also recently divorced, no assets or savings , minimum wage on dead end job, no qualifications and living on a shared accommodation. I drink and do the occasional drugs. What are my possibilities to find a nice man with a good job, no baggage that wants a serious relationship? I am in Bumble. I am being honest to find honest advice

I have explored all the suggestions here before taking the minimum wage retail job. There are very few jobs available in my field. Especially because I never worked on it.

History of art graduates have to start in entry level positions.
And you could too.

Employers can't discriminate due to age.

In fact if I was looking at you as a potential historic building/conservation report writer, I'd be secretly thinking "fantastic, she's not going to go off on maternity 3 times in the next 5-10 years".

In London and the South East you have access to more historic building organisations and practices than anywhere else in the UK.
Reports have to be done on listed buildings anytime they are altered, of which there are more in London than anywhere else. When I was working there, they didn't have enough staff.

Also more museums, galleries etc. in London than anywhere else.

What about your home country?

Any opportunities in your field at all?

You'd be bilingual there.

OP, do you have any interests at all? Or hobbies? Or care about qualities, other than a wallet that you're looking for in a partner?

Based on the numerous posts you've posted here, I would imagine the men you're chatting to online may feel like it's pulling teeth trying to communicate with you. Sorry to sound harsh. You should maybe just not try and date right now and work on developing some interests so you have things to talk about. Other than what someone earns.

@50andhopeless

If you were married to a very wealthy man for twenty years but didn't get anything out of the divorce isn't this something you should legally pursue?

What did the divorce settlement look like? Did you own a home together? Savings etc?

Probably. But you're not doing much to dispel it @50andhopeless

Thing is OP, you say you're here from Eastern Europe and everything you've written sounds like you're looking for a man to keep you and provide you with a better standard of living. That is literally the definition of a gold-digger. Why are you here in the UK? Are your DC here? You say you're from abroad, that your ex is from abroad, that you divorced abroad, so what brought you to the UK?

I don't know why you are so hung up, on someone having to have had a formal education, and a degree?

I'm a 54 year old female. I didn't go to Uni. My O'level results were pretty dire. I hated school! However, I have my own business that pays very well, and all of the other trappings that you seek, which is just through hard work. My business does well because I'm great with people, and I sell something most people want. I don't have a degree 😳Neither does my DH, and he earns over £50k. My sister runs her own business too, and earns a fortune - guess what, no degree!

I do understand that it's a good idea to get a degree if you can - both my children went to Uni. But it's not always an indicator of what you earn. Clearly.

Also, if you have never worked in the field your degree was in, is it even really relevant any more? It must be 30 years since you studied. Much of what you learned might be out of date? I would move away from London. Prices there are just stupid.

I have a number of friends who are educated men in comfortable jobs. They aren't looking for someone really attractive but just attractive, educated and together.

Firstly I would get out of the shared accommodation, move out of London if you have to, but it just isn't appealing.

I don't think your job is an issue, but if you want an educated man as you say you need to be an interesting person doing interesting things. Drugs, drinking excessively forget that.

I know it's hard OP trying to date when you're older, I have tried, but I think you may place to much emphasis on your looks.

Yeah I don't get why women go older unless they're gonna go younger too, tons of young men like older women.
If you want maximum choice have a wide age range, like men do.

Personally I stick to my age and don't like age gaps BUT can't stand seeing the narrative of only men can go younger while women have to go older? Older women are slowly starting to realise and I've seen loads of examples of them dating younger now

If this is not a wind up, you're not selling yourself well. You could find someone like you but that would just be double-trouble. A decent guy won't want you. Sorry.

It’s really not considered standard in high income jobs. It is a choice. There are plenty of very successful high income people, including in the financial services / banking industries, who do not take drugs. Ever. I’m Oxbridge educated. A lot of my old university friends and their spouses work in the City. Some are exceptionally successful. They don’t take drugs. None of them even smoke. They do enjoy good food, nice wine and whisky.

Let’s go back to the hypothetical heating engineer. He will probably earn as much if not more than a teacher, and you think they aren’t educated? Yes they might not have a degree like a teacher, but will still be educated, trained and skilled. You are a snob

Agree with both of you. I’m close to 40 and date men who are up 6 years older or 6 years younger. Personally I will not date a man who is in his 50s.

OP, I wouldn’t date a man in your situation (especially because of the drugs) but men are often less bothered about income,Morals and assets and more bothered about looks . That’s the truth! The issue is some of these men hyper focused on looks may have filtered out women your age. But it doesn’t mean they wouldn’t approach you in real life. So try and get yourself into spaces where you’ll come across these men maybe.

I don’t think it’s a bad thing wanting to date university educated men but by making this a dealbreaker, you’re reducing the pool of eligible men unnecessarily.

Yeah most of my friends from uni earn probably over twice as much as me in finance, law etc and they don’t smoke or take drugs. May drink socially sometimes but aren’t big drinkers.

I’m sure some of their colleagues do but it’s not everyone. My brother is a doctor, the other works in finance both earn close to 6 figures and again drink socially but are totally against drugs.

I was referring to people earning several hundred thousand pounds a year. Going to private clubs, etc.

I must admit I don’t mix in those circles. And really I’m glad I don’t - not because I begrudge someone earning several thousand pounds, but if it’s true that it’s standard for people in these roles to be taking drugs in their 50s I think they all sound a bit miserable and dysfunctional.

Not saying all teachers never take drugs , but I can’t imagine it’s very popular or that they’d want to be with someone who takes one unless they were a lot younger perhaps.

Maybe you do just need to focus on bagging a rich hedonistic guy as your morals are likely to be more similar.

Taking recreational drugs at 50 plus sounds like a recipe for a heat attack.

TBH I can't see blokes in this category being attracted to 50 year old women. No matter how slim, blonde and blue eyed.

Me either. I still have a few women friends in that circle. That is all.

Some great advice already.
Think about it this way, you sitting down with a man at the table, he got all the things you mentioned. What do you bring to the table?

All healthy relationships, in my opinion, are give and take, not take take take... that just won't come across well.

Can you get different job, do you have other experience than retail? I would suggest something like customer service in the office maybe ? Some sort of call centre. That will help you get your foot into the office environment and get out of retail.

If nothing keeps you in London move out, it doesn't have to be all the way up north. And sort yourself out. I'm also slightly amazed you can afford drugs ! 😬 don't waste your money x

@BMW6 Why not? Because they're all egotistical sleazy types?

This

Surely it's a bit hypocritical for you to be judging someone on the criteria you don't want to be judged by

Well I wouldn’t be interested in anyone who took drugs red flags for me

I am sure the lack of interest would be mutual.