Dating at 50

[50andhopeless]

I am 50, female, blonde, blue eyes, slim, and attractive. I used to be well off when I was married. But also recently divorced, no assets or savings , minimum wage on dead end job, no qualifications and living on a shared accommodation. I drink and do the occasional drugs. What are my possibilities to find a nice man with a good job, no baggage that wants a serious relationship? I am in Bumble. I am being honest to find honest advice

Not really. I am not looking for a 6 figure salary. Just a normal man with a decent job willing to commit. I am looking for up to 10 years older. I will probably give up and stay single. Is that too much to ask? I consider myself still really attractive.

All you've talked about so far is how attractive and unhappy you are.

You've not given us anything to go on.

Whaaaaat? High value man? What kind of misogynistic craptrap is this? I’m hoping your a man because if you’re a woman, you must have a very poor opinion of yourself as you age

That's terrible. I was wondering how you were left with so little

If you're really attractive OP, you'll do fine. My friends around your age have almost all been successful. You really don't need to go up to 60 either. There's a bit of a conspiracy to tell women over a certain age they're on the scrap heap (so they settle for rubbish or old men!) but ime it's not the truth. Unless a man wants children your looks will matter more than your age or how good a job you've got.

What else do you need to know? I work in retail, minimum wage, London.

Thanks. That is really good news. Could I ask if they used dating apps? Bumble or any other?

I don’t really understand this. You say you’re not looking for someone to financially support you but you repeatedly refer to your minimum wage job and preference that your potential match has a ‘good job’. You need to start by being honest, at least with yourself.

Anything!

You're basically just a cypher at this point.

Turn it round /would you date a man living in shared accommodation, no assets, minimum wage job. If not, why not?

I am in my 50s and single, I am relatively attractive and have a decent job. I would like to meet someone, but do not fancy online dating, so instead, I am working on the premise that I might be single permanently. It's not the best thought, but means that I am making sure I can support and look after myself (which includes my health).
Should I be lucky enough to meet someone, I hope to be secure and happy enough to not make the mistakes I made previously and bring as much to the relationship as I take from it.
So maybe start dating yourself first (just as you are) and start pulling it all together. Good luck.

No.

One friend met her partner on an app. Not sure which one though. I do know he was the third she met and said the first two were nice, but she wasn't interested. Another met her partner at a gig. Which BTW, seems to happen a lot. If you're there for the same music you've something in common already, and the atmosphere is usually friendly. I also have a friend who dated someone who was a friend of a friend. If I had to call it, old style 'in the wild' seems to bring better experiences. They meet, like what they see and there's no barriers of any preconceived criteria around age, job etc that might have filtered each other out on the apps.

You need two salaries to have a decent life in London. Men usually earn more money than women. I was a stay at home mom for 20 years. I can contribute to the family income but I don't want to be the main earner.

Thanks 😊

Living in shared accommodation shouldn’t be an issue, many single people do that due to cost of living or just preferring not to live alone.

I don’t think the lack of assets will set you back too much either as many men will be happy to build something together as long as you’re working and contributing.

Finding one without baggage whether it’s emotional or physical, pretty much no chance. Everyone has their baggage in their 40’s and 50’s.

and I’d knock the drugs on the head, that will be unattractive to pretty much most men.

Just be yourself. Online dating is a shit show but there are nice people on there and you’ll date quite a few wrong for you before you find the right one but it’s worth persevering.

I'm a woman, decent job, income and home. I'd like to think I am kind, fun, intelligent and generous. I have a cinema habit, am a member of two book clubs, do yoga and play an outdoor sport.

I'm also a bit fat with auburn hair and not remotely interested in a relationship.

You already know a ton more about me than we do about you.

If I was interested in a relationship I would want someone I had something in common with, a shared interest as well as similar values. I'd be wary of someone who took drugs/drank as I don't. I'd be wary of someone who earned a lot less than me because I wouldn't want to feel obliged to pay all the time. Me and my DC are the priority for my cash.

'Ready to commit' - how can you tell that someone is ready to commit, or that they are right for you without getting to know them? How can you think about going somewhere where it costs £100 per head for splitting a meal when you are on a low wage?

Living in London isn't compulsory. You could move, retrain, live a different life somewhere else. I'm sorry but the 'I don't want to be the main earner' just reinforces that you are looking for the wrong reasons.

I think you're going to struggle. Maybe you being slim and attractive may benefit you, as many men are shallow. But stay away from doing drugs FGS. Not appealing at ANY age, but no-one wants to be with someone who does drugs in their 50s!

You havnt really said what the issue is
lack of matches?
lack of matches with men you like?
bad dates?
good dates but they dont want to see you again?

I am you but fat and unattractive with brown eyes and purple hair!

I’ve met plenty of nice men on bumble, and currently dating one for over a year who is absolutely lovely but - boy, does he have baggage!

You can definitely find someone nice, hard working, with a good job (although he may not want to throw his lot in with someone who doesn’t have much money or great prospects tbh). I’m just planning on keeping things separate anyway, keep our own houses, date each other, stay over etc but I have no plans to marry again or move in together for a long time. At which point either of us may be in a totally different situation financially.

All my circle of friends do drugs regularly at parties and clubs. It is considered standard in high income jobs. I cannot afford to do it anymore so that is a good thing. Only when I am with them.

Shared accommodation in London, occasional drug use... Is anyone else wondering if OP's behind with the rent? 😂

Slim and attractive and mixing in decent circles: you’ll get someone, just got to stick with it. Reasonable job and a house mean fuck all if you’re fat and unattractive like I am.

Doing drugs in high income jobs is NOT a thing that anyone in MY world does. You need to move in different circles/find new friends. No man I know would get into a relationship with a woman who snorts coke, smokes spliffs, or shoots up heroin (or whatever it is you do.)

Have you tried putting that you're a drug user in your profile? Maybe you will be lucky enough to find someone who uses drugs too.

This thread FFS!

So you say you wont want a man with a 6 figure salary but they way you come across is that you want is a man who can provide a similar lifestyle that your high earning friends have and you will be happy to contribute your 5% of the cost.

A bloke who works as a heating engineer earning £50,000 doesnt sound like your cup of tea!