Dating at 50

[50andhopeless]

I am 50, female, blonde, blue eyes, slim, and attractive. I used to be well off when I was married. But also recently divorced, no assets or savings , minimum wage on dead end job, no qualifications and living on a shared accommodation. I drink and do the occasional drugs. What are my possibilities to find a nice man with a good job, no baggage that wants a serious relationship? I am in Bumble. I am being honest to find honest advice

A lot of matches. Not many actually end on a date. The ones I have gone out with, either I am not interested or they aren't. I went out for a few months with a couple of guys but it didn't progress to anything serious. Just going out to have fun every other week.

@50andhopeless
You asked how I could afford to go on all those dates.
I rarely went for dinner the first time I met someone. It was usually a drink or a coffee. Occasionally a walk.

Actually I did go for dinner on my first date with DH. We had talked on the phone and exchanged a lot of messages by then. He lived in a different area of the country so having dinner felt reasonable as he'd travelled quite a long way.
I always went halves on every date.

That is true. I am a university graduate and looking for something similar. I could not be with a heating engineer. I am not trying to be disrespectful. Just trying to be truthful to get helpful points of view. I am not British. I am East European. I don't know if that is relevant.

But that’s what you are asking a man to do ?
why should anyone look to support you?

We do cocaine mainly. Sometimes MDMA. Not frequent. Every other month.

Oh and I lived in shared accommodation when I met DH (& all the others) and I met several men who took recreational drugs too (usually cocaine and / or cannabis).
In my experience of living and working in London it's not unusual for people in their 40s to take drugs.

How long since you separated/divorced?

You mention grown up children,are they living close to you? I just think you need to focus on living, rather than finding a man. Set yourself a goal, perhaps to have your own place, maybe outside of London if its too expensive.

Do you have any hobbies or interests? Reality is men who are single will have baggage so it won't be the panacea you hope it to be.

Sorry to say, I wouldn't be interested in a man who was in your position but seeking someone with assets to live to live with. I'm same age as you

Just look for another coke head and you’ll soon find someone on your own level

Hi @50andhopeless

I'm a 57 year old male for reference.

Have you been on many dates from OLD or are you not getting that far ?

I'm afraid I wouldn't date anyone in your positon, mainly because you live in shared accommodation & no real oomph in life. Yes, we've all been dealt shitty hands in life (I'm twice divorced with kids still living at home) but I work full time, earn £60kpa & have a mortgage that goes well past my 70th birthday.

If I started dating you I'd probably say after 2 or 3 dates that it wont work between us. The drinking & drugs would also be a no no too.

And to expect to meet a solvent man with everything going for him looks like you just want "saving" from your current situation. Sorry, but you need to sort yourself out first. Decent job with decent income......then a home of your own. Reduce the drug & alcohol consumption.

If I were in your shoes my goal would be to get myself into a position where I had my own little flat and a decent, sustainable job paying me fairly.

So I would stop the drugs and drinking and get deadly serious about clawing my way up into a better job.

At the same time as this, I would take on a second job - eg evenings in a pub if you wish, and make this your 'social life' - and save hard towards getting a place on your own.

Sorry, no advice for you re men.

That was unnecessary.

Thanks for your candid reply. I think that is what is happening. When I start explaining my situation they lose interest.

It's quite likely that if you do end up with someone they will be doing the same as you. Not likely to end up in a happy relationship with someone doing drugs every month.

And I doubt whether the type of man you want to be with will be doing drugs or going out clubbing.

People attract like minded people.

If I was a nice man with a good job and no baggage, I definitely wouldn't want a serious relationship with a woman who has no assets or savings, working a minimum wage, dead-end job who has no qualifications, is living in shared accommodation and who drinks and does drugs. Nice men can have their pick of nice looking middle-aged women, who are slim and attractive, with qualifications, decent jobs, savings, their own homes and no issues with substance abuse.

Honestly? I've never been happier since being single. I've not been in a relationship for about seven years and it's BLISS! No drama, no angst, no frustration. Just absolute bliss.

I'm 53 and recommend that you fall in love with yourself again before looking for a man. You'll feel amazing, strong and won't take any shit if and when you do meet someone.

What about potential matches at the parties you go to?

That sounds like the perfect environment to meet who you are looking for.

Mostly women and men are too much into drugs. I don't party often as i said. once every two months. Only one night stands from these parties.

Being a university graduate, what 30 years ago, really means nothing OP. Particularly as you aren't in a graduate job with many years experience.

Being blunt, you say you are intelligent but you didn't work for 20 years whilst bringing up children and at the same time didn't make sure you were financially secure if the marriage broke up. Yet you wouldn't date a heating engineer?

I think you are looking for a needle in a haystack. I would ask you friends if they know of anyone single, that is a great resource in your position I would mine that.

But they have the high salaries and little in way of commitment if they are out at parties a lot.

Which is a fair way to what you are looking for.

It's a start.

Don't sleep with them for at least a month or so.

This doesn’t make sense to me either OP. I’ve got a PhD. I wouldn’t write someone off because they were a heating engineer. I’d write them off if I didn’t have anything in common with them or we weren’t on the same page. Having a university education doesn’t make someone a superior being.

In the nicest possible way, your match would be a nice man with no assets, a terrible job and who also lives in shared accommodation.

What age range are you looking at? IME older men are generally interested in younger women on OLD so a 50yo man will want a woman max 40 (not every case of course but a lot). If you’d consider dating older you might have a wider choice.

I don’t think having the odd glass of wine is an issue at all but the fact that you mention drinking in your first post makes it sound like it’s a big part of your life. I think regular drug use will put a lot of people off.

Maybe spend a few years getting your (non romantic) life back on track- get a job you’re happy with and your own place. I think that will put you in a better position for dating and give you back some of your confidence. Cut out the drink and drugs.

45 to 60.

I believe this too. Thanks for your honesty.

I think now is a really good opportunity to focus on yourself. I used to work in minimum wage jobs, that was until I invested time and effort into myself and education. I studied part time alongside working, I've now progressed in a career I love and became a manager after 3 years of starting in a new industry. The course I studied opened up so many opportunities for me, meeting new people at college and then new colleagues at work. I'm now in such a better position, not just financially but I'm happy. It will take time but now is the time for you and it will all fall into place. Good luck.