Dating at 50

[50andhopeless]

I am 50, female, blonde, blue eyes, slim, and attractive. I used to be well off when I was married. But also recently divorced, no assets or savings , minimum wage on dead end job, no qualifications and living on a shared accommodation. I drink and do the occasional drugs. What are my possibilities to find a nice man with a good job, no baggage that wants a serious relationship? I am in Bumble. I am being honest to find honest advice

Honestly apart from maybe long hours at work, your life sounds fun. Not sure why you'd want to complicate it with a man at 50.

I wouldn't bother unless he was a hot younger guy for a bit of fun.

Some people will look at your life and think its a hot mess. Personally, I think it sounds freeing.

I recently stayed in shared accommodation and had never thought I would do that again at my age - but I loved it!

Working for yourself, bit of a bevy and a bit of puff here and there...sounds like the life!
Who needs men! xD

What makes you better then the men you are talking about?

Have you had any luck finding anyone yet?

To be fair 'explaining my situation' isn't sexy.

Always make it seem that you like who you are and are largely happy. It's OK to be striving for more (confidence and dreams are sexy) but 'explaining' your life makes you sound like a loser.

Example: 'my husband divorced me behind my back, I work a job that exhausts me, I can't afford my own place because of xyz' - ick. He'll run a mile.

Instead, try: 'I figure, life is too short to do the mundane. Dont you think? (Cheeky Wink) So, when I divorced I decided it was time for an adventure. Instead of working every hour and scrimping and saving, I found some cool people to share with. I've started going on nights out again. I really feel so much more alive now than I did before. So much more energy, you know. Like there's... colour back in my life'

You can even add

'I've been debating finding work related to my degree again but, the truth is I rather like having an easy job. I don't have to take the work home with me. No stress. Discounts on cute shoes too haha!'

No one wants to date sad loser. Everyone, however, likes a cheeky optimist.

I met my tall, lovely looking, wealthy (although didn't know that when I met him!) man online when I was 54 and he was 47. I am also slim, blonde and said to be attractive. I had also come out of a horrible divorce and was just getting myself straight financially, so didn't have the best housing situation, although I got a flat, and then my house, after meeting him

I don't know what I 'did' to make this happen 🤷‍♀️ My winning personality?! We just got on, made each other laugh. I think it's just luck. I'm not a drinker and I find drug taking morally abhorrent, but I'm sure there are people who wouldn't be bothered by those things. I'm never going to be a party girl!

Dating is a numbers game, meet people (just for coffee), be interested in them and be interesting back, see what happens 🤷‍♀️ The majority of men you meet on a dating site won't be for you, but you just have to find one.

No. Too much time and money wasted. I may try again next year.

You're really not coming across well here OP. Maybe you'll meet someone, maybe you won't. However, I think you would be better evaluating your values and aspirations and focus on qualities and traits that are really important. Stop taking drugs and focus on developing a positive amd .meaningful life as a single person. I understand it might seem a bitter pill to accept your new circumstances, but it feels a but like you want a lot for fairly minimal efforts on your part. Be open minded and look at what the inner person offers rather than their bank balance says. It's ok to look for a financially stable person, but chasing money alone is unwise to say the least.

One of the OPs “selling points” is her looks… To be frank, that will be her key asset in attracting a man. If she’s hot, most men won’t care about her lack of wealth or high paying job. Men are very different to women in the respect.

Tbh, this is a really good point.

I've been really down on my luck at times but I've always put a positive spin on it.

Previously, I've been told i always land on my feet and that I'm a bit awe inspiring on occasion for rejecting social norms.

The truth is that, at those times I've been in the depths of despair but not wanted anyone to know how bad it was because their lives were so different so never let it show.

Instead, they all thought I was a bit of a free spirit who didn't play the game.

Yeah absolutely the way to go about it. People don't want to be dragged down on dates. They don't want to think about their own vulnerabilities so they certainly don't want to hear about ours. Well, unless they are predators looking for an 'in'.

Always best to seem like you are unphased. Like even if you don't remotely have your shit together, that it's somehow by design. Or at least, an 'adventure' not a black hole.

Some men are rescuers tbf, but they don't want to rescue emotionally unwell or pessimistic presenting people from themselves. And of course, nor should they.

Fake it till you make it.
Or, get to a point where you're happier in your life before dating. Sometimes that's a must anyway, otherwise you end up feeling like a burden on the person. And that is never good for a relationship or, our own lifes journey.

I think this may be it @Pinkbonbon I didn't ever discuss my horrible divorce, my living situation, my abusive exH. Kept everything light (I tend to use humour to cope with stuff anyway). It does make you a nicer person to spend time with if you're upbeat, certainly at the beginning dating stage. And I viewed each first online date as a fun adventure, you never know who you're going to meet, and I like meeting people and chatting. That mindset makes OLD better.

what do you like to chat about - hobbies, current affairs…?

I didn't realise this was over a year old when I started reading. @50andhopeless my situation has some parallels with yours although I'm 40s and not interested in dating until I have improved myself a bit. I mean health wise and focus.

Recovering (hopefully??) from a serious disease, bit early to tell yet. I only do occasional consulting but luckily I like things like cooking, walks, films, learning board games, literature, coffee so nothing too expensive. I have no idea if I'm 'attractive' anymore or not!

It's a shame your ex has been dishonest, is there really no way of chasing your share if you brought up the kids? Has your living situation improved?

Whoops a few months old 😳

Remember men are very visual
we all shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but when it comes to dating m from a man’s view, first impression are your looks
if you’ve got the looks, you’ll have interest, you just have to hope for the chemistry and your personality and conversational skills with give you a chance

This is wonderfully uplifting to hear! How did you find OLD at 54? I feel I'd have the same attitude as you (and I also find humour so important) but reading most things on here it seems like once you hit 50 you can say goodbye to meeting anyone ever again!

I do not understand why you have gone cold & rejected the "heating engineer", because the people that I know all have excellent work ethic & good sense of humour. They also have interesting hobbies outside of work. They all earn respectable salaries.

I am going to add, that I know some people who are retired in their 50s. Also some people are working a second career in the 50s, where they have already had a big career & now they work part time and or volunteer in a smaller type of job.

I think I just approached OLD with quite an easy going attitude, and kept everything very light. And yes, humour! And if I found myself getting angsty over it, I had a break from it

I did have some terrible dates, which amused my friends no end.