Dating at 50

[50andhopeless]

I am 50, female, blonde, blue eyes, slim, and attractive. I used to be well off when I was married. But also recently divorced, no assets or savings , minimum wage on dead end job, no qualifications and living on a shared accommodation. I drink and do the occasional drugs. What are my possibilities to find a nice man with a good job, no baggage that wants a serious relationship? I am in Bumble. I am being honest to find honest advice

Every woman who actively seeks a hypothetical man with that as their man criteria is, yes.

Ok

@Givemegoldensun yes 100% this. If your main criteria is that they have to be able to potentially be able to give you a certain life style that you are unable to provide for yourself then yes I would say that’s gold diggerish.

There is a type of man looking for a "nurse with a purse". But most men aren't put off by women without high flying careers, quite the contrary in fact. I think if you are nice looking, easy going and not too picky , and date persistently, you'll be fine.

Sounds like a lot of hard work to me though, I am plain, high flying and not easy going 🤣

Solvent, desirable 50 year old men can easily attract women ten to twenty years younger or women of the same age who are career driven, successful and well rounded.

Yes but most 50 yr old men will have kids from previous relationships...and often won't want to start again with more, at 50 plus.

Most ten to twenty years younger women who don't already have kids, will want kids.

So there is a "market" for women around their age who don't want to have kids.

Agreed, that most men (though not all) will probably want a woman around their age who brings something to the table.

There are exceptions though - men who put looks, sexual attraction and being able to get on well etc. above everything else.

Op, can you not try to get a start in a junior job in your degree & masters subject/industry?

In the meantime, I would get a second job in a golf club or sailing club or expensive bar.

I would be aware that you need to be engaging and warm and smiley.

Don't ever mention the parties and drug use.

Don't emphasise that you're living in shared accommodation, if asked just say you're sharing at the moment

Only mention positive things, don't mention your ex and what happened in the divorce.

Don't imply you want to move in with them, that would be a very long term possibility, you don't want them thinking you're looking for accommodation/a meal ticket.

Do you have to live in London? It's so expensive.

You’re right that most who want kids will already have them… but not always in London. Men settle down later and many successful men put off a family until their forties or later knowing they can secure a younger woman when they are ready. I am not saying it is right, it is just the reality.

You’re also right that many men that age will want women their own age- but they will be looking for someone who has something about them, not necessarily a career, but not only looks and an inflated view of their own level of attractiveness.

Finally, men who put looks and sexual attraction above all else will nearly always go younger. They may be interested in an attractive 50 year old woman, but not for a serious committed relationship.

Fine Arts and History of Art from a foreign university. I have tried. No jobs. Retail is the only thing I could get.

men who put looks and sexual attraction above all else will nearly always go younger

Not if younger is young enough to want/be able to have kids.

(When they don't want more kids).

The National Trust sometimes takes on fine art & history of art graduates. It may be entry level at first but with opportunities in time.

I worked for a London conservation/historic buildings architecture practice and all the historic building consultant team (they write reports on historic buildings) were History of Art graduates. They were desperate for staff too.

Also, what about art gallery work?
Wealthy people buy from art galleries and attend gallery exhibitions etc.
The gallery owners usually want someone attractive and well groomed on the floor too.

You’re right that most who want kids will already have them… but not always in London. Men settle down later and many successful men put off a family until their forties or later knowing they can secure a younger woman when they are ready. I am not saying it is right, it is just the reality.

That's another reason op should maybe get out of London.

I'm from a pretty rural, outlying region of the UK and well heeled 50 something divorced men here are not just likely to be already fathers, they likely to be already grandfathers lol.

An auction house?

Good call.

Plenty of wealthy customers too

I would also revisit the divorce, if at all possible.

Which country did that happen in?

Have you had advice from an international divorce lawyer?

A forensic account should have been able to find the assets, to some extent.

Is suing him a possibility?

Is the time period too long?

So you on your minimum wage job would turn your nose up at someone on a 50k wage?!
You are probably going to stay single yes, unless you are very attractive and do a Jerry Hall, who married a billionaire in his 80s when she in her 50s

Men settle down later and many successful men put off a family until their forties or later knowing they can secure a younger woman when they are ready. I am not saying it is right, it is just the reality.

Maybe these intelligent men should cast their eye over autism, schizophrenia etc. stats for children of fathers over 40.

100% agree. But I’m not arguing the rights or wrongs of delaying fatherhood, just that this is the reality a single 50 year old woman in London is facing when dating online.

But will they be looking for a 50 year old woman who wants to be financially supported from the outset with no prospects of her own? Presumably they will still be financially committed in some way, shape or form to their own children/ex wives and prioritise that over a woman they gave just met?

You could do a PGCE and train as a teacher. In inner London it is feasible that you could earn £50000 within 7 years without rapid promotion.

I know two and one most definitely chose a woman with assets.

Whether he'd have chosen her without assets, I don't know. She's young looking for her age, good looking and very easy going and "space-y".

With the other man, the woman most definitely was not bringing much by way of assets. She was working as a bar person in his bar. She was a bit younger but not loads.

There's another ex city counsellor with a woman his own age, but I don't know anything about their relative assets.

Re the op, it depends how much the man values looks etc. Not all will require assets.

There was a male poster on here who said he got together with a single Mum of several kids living in social housing; but he found her very attractive and they hit it off/got on well. And their sex life was still cracking, years later. He seemed to be bringing way more to the table financially - when they met anyway (she could probably bring more when the kids were up a bit). So some men don't care.
What percentage, I don't know.

I do know ...... OP that they need to consider the woman good, enjoyable, pleasant company. I suppose they might want to feel she brings something else to the table - like caring, supporting, nurturing, looking after him etc.

The get the course funded too, to some extent, don't they?

Op, looking at your own situation. Is there nothing better that could be derived from your divorce settlement? Were you shafted by that? And nothing can be done?

Meanwhile, definitely don't bother looking to date. Focus on you and you alone. Getting better work. Your own place. And enjoying being on your own. It is possible. And healthy.

I’m not sure about with an arts degree. But you can train on the job and earn £30000+ from the first year of training. I’m not saying teaching is for everyone- it certainly isn’t. Just trying to point out that there are routes out of poverty for the OP if she genuinely is looking to improve her life for herself rather than relying on a man to do it.

It's certainly an interesting discussion and an eye opener for me! I think it's always good to set your own priorities. Bagging a rich man might be your goal but you've done that before and it hasn't brought you happiness. Maybe spending some time working out what makes you really happy and allows your soul to sing would be a good idea. What are your academic qualifications in? Could you spend some time travelling or working abroad to reset for a while?

I never said I wanted another rich man. A teacher or similar is hardly a wealthy man. I said I wanted someone educated and with a good salary. I have explored all the suggestions here before taking the minimum wage retail job. There are very few jobs available in my field. Especially because I never worked on it. I cannot travel or work abroad when I am living month to month. I think the best suggestion is to forget about dating for the time being.