My partner thinks I should let him live with me

[Ame1924]

Hi guys, long story short I (29) have a 7 month old baby, me and my partner (30) (babys father) relationship started to go rocky when baby came along. To be honest I got pregnant quite quickly into the relationship.

I've been living with family the whole of my pregnancy and since having my baby. I'm finally moving into my own place with my baby next week and I cant wait!

My (technically ex) partner the child's father seems to already be inviting him self over to "help me out". First off we are not even in a relationship anymore. We have been trying to get on for the baby, and now and then will have a family day out for her. We text regularly. But for me I'm just taking every day as it comes and taking it slow. Plus I don't need help I've done 90% of bringing her up so far on my own

He was very clingy in the relationship mind, would have a hissy fit if I went out with friends etc, he wants me all to myself

I dont want him in my personal space! I've been cramped up in my family's home with a baby and now I'm finally moving onto somthing that is mine and my daughters, I dont want him and his hissy fits disturbing my peace!

I guess this isn't even a question but what do u guys think of this

I personally think he's just trying his best to get out of his mother's house (that's where he lives) and use me for my new home!

Meet up outside your home: Park or outings! Kids need their fathers too. Don't forget your child would start school, clubs etc,! School run is NO joke!

Stop saying "I don't need help with the rent" and start saying "No". You need to make it very clear that you don't want to live with him, even if that means an awkward conversation about how you aren't together anymore and that there needs to be a clear boundary for you two.

Also, if a grown a** man is living with his mother I can almost guarantee you he isn't going to move in and start helping you with bath and bedtime every night! He's going to have his feet up with a beer grumbling about how there's no tea on the table.

Please, please, please make it abundantly clear (and document if you can) that this is your flat and he is welcome for visits in the day where agreed but nothing more. If he does decide to start moving in or leaving stuff around the place then proof of you having these conversations could be helpful later - just pre-empting a bad situation...!

NO is a complete answer. If he asks anymore just repeat the word and change the subject. Don’t let him stay over EVER.

I completely agree with you about the part where he wouldnt be helping and would be complaining about no tea being on the table lol.

He would at most help with bath and bedtime for the 1st week and then it would disappear.. that's exactlybwhat happened when the baby was born, he helped with 1 bath time and never helped again

He also mentions his dog alot, that he can't wait to get his dog out of his mother's house as his mother just locks the dog in the kitchen all day whilst he's a work (it isn't her problem I guess and she doesn't even want the dog there herself)

It sounds like my story is similar to a previous poster on this site lol, would love to read her thread!

Here we go…. Very similar, though she is in a good financial position and the baby’s dad works part time.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5151061-partner-moved-in-now-wants-to-bring-cat

No. He's controlling. He needs to stay an ex. In your shoes, I wouldn't even let him through the door.

You appear to have missed this bit Stop saying "I don't need help with the rent" and start saying "No". You need to make it very clear that you don't want to live with him, even if that means an awkward conversation about how you aren't together anymore and that there needs to be a clear boundary for you two.

It was the key part of that comment. I’ve read your other threads. Why are you still engaging with this man to this extent?

This was the one!

So…you’ll be doing Doggy Daycare too?!?!

He actually sounds scary with his “no other man will ever be round my daughter” carry-on and his refusal to hear your refusals. Be very careful OP

No.. I read that part, didn't miss it

Absolutley will not be doing doggy day care haha

You seem to be taking this all as a joke, are you actually going to do anything about it?

Are you going to address it? As it’s basically the crux of the matter. Why are you still engaging? This man is a loser who has been horrible to you. What’s going on, exactly? Do you secretly hope to get back together? Are you frightened of him? Something else? There’s clearly something. What is it?

I think not.

You do sound very young.

No, is a complete sentence.

then answer back
NO you can bath baby in your own home when you find one
NO you can feed baby dinner in your own home when you find one
NO you don't need to step over my doorstep when you collect baby, baby is ready here you are, bye bye see you later
NO you don't need to come in now you have brought baby back

practice saying it in the mirror

NO out aloud
and again
NO

stop laughing at his jokes, he is not around to entertain you
stick to conversation re baby and baby only

Find your boundaries NOW and stick to them !!!

Spot on

He's not helping. He's parenting. Are you helping him when you bath her?
Exactly.

I would text him now and say I do not want to live with you. I don't want you in my space. Our relationship is over. If you want to see the baby I will arrange a time and place but it won't be in my home.

And NO MORE family days out FOR HER !

nonsense ! she is 7 months old !!!

btw have you bought somewhere or are you renting - if renting it is very very very simple re HIS dog - you do not have written permission from the landlord to keep pets...

Your first instinct is not to want it. Trust that feeling- once he has moved out of his parents’ home they will not want him or the pooch back again. Don’t sleepwalk into a situation you’re not comfortable with

You don’t need to say “I don’t need help with the rent” you say “I don’t want to live with you.”

what’s your maintenance arrangement? Have you gone via CSA? I suggest you do, it will make things a lot more straightforward for you. I would assume he’ll try to use money to control you so best it’s taken directly from his wage and without him having any control over it.

He sounds like a classic controlling man who hasn’t accepted you’re not together.

Can you go back to doing handovers through family, and avoid telling him your address if possible?

Also - congrats on your new home, hope it’s a lovely safe space, and that you can keep it dickhead free x

You said it yourself.
You don't want him in your personal space.
It's a big fat NO.
Btw, I'm 45 - wonder if you would even need to ask
at the same age. Yourself and kid first. Full stop.
😊

No she should just be honest and firm in her boundaries.

She doesn't want him there, it's her home for her and her daughter.
Absolutely no reason to lie or make up excuses.

For anyone who isn’t an advanced search saddo, like me - this man was arrested for stalking and harassing her. He would stand on her doorstep and abuse her. She was asking about protection
from him.

Now this.