My partner thinks I should let him live with me

[Ame1924]

Hi guys, long story short I (29) have a 7 month old baby, me and my partner (30) (babys father) relationship started to go rocky when baby came along. To be honest I got pregnant quite quickly into the relationship.

I've been living with family the whole of my pregnancy and since having my baby. I'm finally moving into my own place with my baby next week and I cant wait!

My (technically ex) partner the child's father seems to already be inviting him self over to "help me out". First off we are not even in a relationship anymore. We have been trying to get on for the baby, and now and then will have a family day out for her. We text regularly. But for me I'm just taking every day as it comes and taking it slow. Plus I don't need help I've done 90% of bringing her up so far on my own

He was very clingy in the relationship mind, would have a hissy fit if I went out with friends etc, he wants me all to myself

I dont want him in my personal space! I've been cramped up in my family's home with a baby and now I'm finally moving onto somthing that is mine and my daughters, I dont want him and his hissy fits disturbing my peace!

I guess this isn't even a question but what do u guys think of this

I personally think he's just trying his best to get out of his mother's house (that's where he lives) and use me for my new home!

I thought this was cat man poster too.

Again, why are you having any kind of conversations with this man?

Just stop op.

Get a parenting ap, get a proper custody arrangement and communicate through an app so you have things to present to the court if he acts like a twat and mentions stuff outside of parenting. Find someone who can do pick ups and drop offs for visits and go and live your life away from this drama.

What he says doesn't matter, nor does his opinion.

Just say No Repeatedly
He is trying to get his feet under your table under the guise of helping his DD
Don't let him in otherwise he will never leave
I wouldn't allow him to have contact at your home either
He'll have to find his own place if he wants to move out
He's an ex for a reason

No no no.

Don't let him into your new place. Either he has the baby at his place or you find a neutral spot for him to see her like a public park.

If he wants more he can seek legal advice.

What everyone else said. He doesn’t get to live with you.

This. Also stop the family days out. It’s obviously sending him the wrong messages. You don’t have to play happy families for the sake of your child. Of course it’s important for children to see their parents model a civil, respectful relationship, but I think it’s confusing for very young children when separated parents do coupley things together.

So in theory he should be able to save some cash (assuming he works) to build up a deposit to get his own place….

He's leaching off his mum.
He's jeopardising the roof over her head.
He will do that to you too.
You probably get help for rent and 25 per cent council tax discount for single adult etc - don't jeopardise that.
Go to court and get a proper child contact schedule set up.
Don't bother with him at all.
It seems like you're keeping the door open so you can get back together? I hope not, he'll ruin your life.

He was very clingy in the relationship mind, would have a hissy fit if I went out with friends etc, he wants me all to myself

This is a massive red flags

• controlling abusive behaviour.

Just say no. Repeatedly. State your boundaries.

This.

And when he says he'd 'rather help you with your rent' just say 'I live alone with my daughter which is how I want it. You sort your own accommodation and pay child maintenance like all the other separated couples.'
He sounds seriously thick skinned and is not hearing you. Because he doesn't want to hear it.

I wouldn’t let him in my house either. He’s manipulative and doesn’t take “no” for an answer. However, if you do decide to let him see his child at your house, do you have a friend or relative who would do the handovers for you?

When a mum I know was having similar issues with a manipulative ex, a couple of friends kindly supervised weekly contact at her house, and the mum went out for that time.

The ex managed to charm Friend A somewhat, but Friend B saw straight through him. He turned up, gave Friend B a sympathetic smile and said, “I’m sorry you’ve been dragged into this”. Friend B simply said, “X is playing in his room, I’ll be downstairs - let me know if you need anything.” That’s the sort of person you need.

I've heard about this but that's not me haha 😂

When he has a hissy fit, walk away. Yoh don’t have to listen to that nonsense

if you can I wouldn’t even tell him where you live. he’s a vampire but remember vampirs have to be invited in. Do not let him over the threshold of your new place.

You need to be very clear & assertive. Practice if needs be. John you will not be coming to my flat. That will not be happening . I will not be doing that.

As for no other man will be around my daughter. What bollix.

Don’t give him your address, and access visits can happen on metal territory. Don’t give him an inch.

Don't let him move in. Does he pay for your baby?

A resounding NO.

I had to start meeting my ex-H at the door with a child and packed bag and hand her over. He would otherwise have just come in for me to mother him all evening. Stand your ground and don't let him over the threshold.

Very worrying statement from him.

He has zero right to dictate that you can't move forward with someone else down the line.

I'd reach out to Women's Aid and ask for advice over his behaviour and persistence despite your firm 'no ways'.

Just say no and say:

"N.O. means no. What part of 'no' do you not understand?".

Quietly report the situation and make sure he never enters your house.

Get child visitation formalised to protect yourself.

Of course he shouldn't live with you. You're not in a relationship. Although he clearly thinks you are.

Frankly, he sounds like an abusive, controlling nightmare and I would be putting a stop to the 'family' days out with him. Don't text him about anything other than access to his daughter.

It worries me that you say you are not 'technically' in a relationship. Either you are or you aren't. Are you still sleeping with him, by any chance?

So why haven't you put him straight?

1. He is unemployed. How will he be affording 50% of the rent, utilities, council tax, and food? I’m getting cocklodger vibes.
2. How many bedrooms are in the property? At least three? If he has his own room, how will you feel when he brings home women, shags them, and they’re in your kitchen the following morning? How will XP when you bring other men over? If there are two bedrooms, is he expecting to sleep in your room? How will it work when either of you brings home a shag-buddy?

I’m getting the vibes of an unemployed man in his 30s looking at a single mum as his opportunity to move out of his own mum’s house.

This nails it