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Original poster

My partner thinks I should let him live with me

203 replies

Ame1924 · 29/08/2024 11:39

Hi guys, long story short I (29) have a 7 month old baby, me and my partner (30) (babys father) relationship started to go rocky when baby came along. To be honest I got pregnant quite quickly into the relationship.

I've been living with family the whole of my pregnancy and since having my baby. I'm finally moving into my own place with my baby next week and I cant wait!

My (technically ex) partner the child's father seems to already be inviting him self over to "help me out". First off we are not even in a relationship anymore. We have been trying to get on for the baby, and now and then will have a family day out for her. We text regularly. But for me I'm just taking every day as it comes and taking it slow. Plus I don't need help I've done 90% of bringing her up so far on my own

He was very clingy in the relationship mind, would have a hissy fit if I went out with friends etc, he wants me all to myself

I dont want him in my personal space! I've been cramped up in my family's home with a baby and now I'm finally moving onto somthing that is mine and my daughters, I dont want him and his hissy fits disturbing my peace!

I guess this isn't even a question but what do u guys think of this

I personally think he's just trying his best to get out of his mother's house (that's where he lives) and use me for my new home!

OP posts:
SuperLoudPoppingAction · 29/08/2024 11:40

Just say no.
Repeatedly.

There was a thread recently where someone accepted this and then the guy tried to bring his cat too.

Augustisnearlydonesogoodbyesun · 29/08/2024 11:41

Suggest a day he can visit. Have a friend or family member there to get him on his way.... Don't agree to anything you aren't comfortable with.. Your dc doesn't need him around more than they need you to have great mental health..

DelphiniumBlue · 29/08/2024 11:42

No, don’t let him even stay overnight. He’s an ex,for a good reason, you don’t have to house him.

ShortScot · 29/08/2024 11:43

If you let him in you’ll never get him out. Don’t do it.

FetchezLaVache · 29/08/2024 11:44

Your gut is telling you loud and clear that he would not be a positive addition to your household. Trust your gut.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/08/2024 11:45

What's he proposing? Lodger, partner, weird controlling ex glomming onto a woman so he can move out of mummy's without actually standing on his own two feet even though he's 30 FFS? Spoiler alert; it's the third one.

Augustisnearlydonesogoodbyesun · 29/08/2024 11:45

If you claim any benefits use that to stop him trying to stay over... Say you worry ndn could claim he lives there and you could get into trouble..

DelilahBucket · 29/08/2024 11:46

No, absolutely not. Tell him you will not be getting back together and you would like to set up a regular contact agreement for him to see your child. That way there's none of this "just turning up" business going on. Set your boundaries because he's going to take the Micky. There are red flags going on all over the place here OP. You need to protect yourself and your child. Do not go out together, his contact time is his and his alone. If your child is being breast fed then you work around this and do short contact periods.

sirthisisawendys · 29/08/2024 11:47

No way 🚩

NeverDropYourMooncup · 29/08/2024 11:48

Absolutely not. He's controlling, abusive and you'd be trapped with him.

He's the type that must never even be allowed over the threshold for a second or like a fucking vampire, you'll never get rid of him once he's been invited in.

Whalewatching · 29/08/2024 11:50

Say no. Every time. Personally, I wouldn’t ever stray from that or he’ll have his foot in the door. Meet him on neutral territory for him to see his daughter. But don’t be pressured or guilted into wanting to keep your home to yourself. Stand firm.

Stockinggg · 29/08/2024 12:09

The fact that he lives at his mums is very telling. He is absolutely trying to worm his way into your home, probably because he cannot afford to move out on his own so see's yours as a 'second base'

Original poster
Ame1924 · 29/08/2024 12:13

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/08/2024 11:45

What's he proposing? Lodger, partner, weird controlling ex glomming onto a woman so he can move out of mummy's without actually standing on his own two feet even though he's 30 FFS? Spoiler alert; it's the third one.

I dont even know, he just keeps making comments like "ill be able to put the baby to bed now" "ill be able to have dinner with the baby" and things like that. He's even gone as far as saying "I can't wait to come home from work to my daughter" it's crazy lol

He also says things like "we will be back together one day," "we will live together as a family one day"

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 29/08/2024 12:14

He had a hissy fit every time you went out with friends so he's just another run of the mill controlling bastard. You are right to say no. You would lose your council tax discount if he moved in. Does he work and is he prepared to pay his way.

IWasHittingMyMarks · 29/08/2024 12:14

Don't do it.

Make it clear you will co -parent but you are no longer together as partners, romantically or otherwise, and he will not be invited to live with you. Ever.

StrawberryWater · 29/08/2024 12:15

Why are you even communicating with him outside of baby stuff. Shut that shit down and download a parenting app for communications already. There are plenty available.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/08/2024 12:16

"ill be able to put the baby to bed now" "ill be able to have dinner with the baby"

Every time: "when you get your own place" "when you get your own place". Over and over.

BigBarm · 29/08/2024 12:20

Ame1924 · 29/08/2024 12:13

I dont even know, he just keeps making comments like "ill be able to put the baby to bed now" "ill be able to have dinner with the baby" and things like that. He's even gone as far as saying "I can't wait to come home from work to my daughter" it's crazy lol

He also says things like "we will be back together one day," "we will live together as a family one day"

Show quote history

No, no, no, no, no!

don’t let this one worm his way in, think you will regret it big time.

Gillypie23 · 29/08/2024 12:21

Say no put boundaries in place. Give him set days to visit and no sleeping overnight.

ARichtGoodDram · 29/08/2024 12:24

Start putting your boundaries in place now, while you have the safety of other people around.

ARichtGoodDram · 29/08/2024 12:25

Also if he's technically your ex partner then stop referring to him as your partner.

Be clear with yourself and that will help make things clear to others. Then be clear with him.

Iloveshihtzus · 29/08/2024 12:26

DO NOT let him visit you there. It is not and never had been his home. Let him meet the baby on his own territory or neutral ground - do not start letting him use your place for his time with the baby.

Dolliesdisasterousdayout · 29/08/2024 12:28

You refer to him as your partner but then refer to him as technically ex partner.

Does he know that you aren’t a couple?

It sounds very much like he believes that you are a happy family about to move into your first home.

redskydarknight · 29/08/2024 12:29

Your baby's father seems to think that either you are still together or that you will get back together soon.

You refer to him as your "partner" in this thread.

Are you, absolutely clear in your own mind that he is an ex? Or are you giving him mixed messages?

It's not unreasonable to live with a partner.
It's not unreasonable to not live with an ex-partner.

Which is he?

buttonsB4 · 29/08/2024 12:30

When he visits, have the baby ready in the pram at the door and pass him the nappy bag, and say "see you in a couple of hours, have fun at the park!" Or similar.

He doesn't need to come into your home.

If he wants overnights etc when the child is old enough, he needs to have suitable accommodation for that to happen, he doesn't get to come to your house for dinner, bathtime etc.