Just went on a date with a gentleman.

[bloodyplasticbag]

I'm not used to this.
He seems kind, loving and
Speaks highly of the mother of his children . They have grown apart.
They have a child with very complex needs whom
They both adore but have not been in love with each other for many years.

He seems so kind, compassionate and loving and I've never been used to this.
I may sound cynical but I have not had this experience before .

It's my second time
meeting him.
As gentle and kind and lovely as when we met.
I feel it's too good to be true.
He's attractive , fit, healthy looking, wealthy and just so nice .
I'm
Hyper vigilant . Scared . Untrusting.
What the hell os wrong with me ???

Presumably you've been hurt before so you're understably unsure.

There's no harm to proceed with caution. Just be open minded.

Yes I've been very hurt . Cheated on for years apparently
I've done the work but Jesus . How can one be so kind, compassionate, just nice .
I'm not used to this .
Maybe he's too nice .

Is he divorced?

No he's separated .

He’s not single then if he’s separated so there’s your red flag. What are their living arrangements, and can you confirm all that he tells you about that?

Does his wife know that?

Sorry, but fuck that. I sniff red flags all over this guy. Don't burden your life with a married man, because that's exactly what he is.

Don’t overthink it… you’re only 2 dates in. Just enjoy getting to know him and see how it progresses. And if he continues to be nice, loving and kind then that’s great … it’s what we all hope for so enjoy it! 🙂

He does sound nice. It's great he speaks so well of his partner. I can imagine it might be difficult to keep a happy marriage if you have a child with complex needs - I would think some pull together and others move apart.

Where's he living now? If he's still living with her, I'd wish him well and send him on his way. If he lives separately, how often does he see their child?

What are the others (given they are all over him)?

How can he be just separated without a divorce and financial settlement? Is this is why he looks wealthy?

Speaks highly of the wife yet they've "grown apart", adore each other but haven't been in love for years, blah blah blah. Come on now. It's textbook. He's making himself out to be the most wonderful, devoted dad in the world so you'll lower your defenses and then months down the line wonder how you because the OW.

They live separately
And share care of their son. They are both mid mediation and wish each other well.

Does he still live with his wife because of his child?

He is on holiday here with his son. This is genuine , factually.

Sorry cross posted, I see they live separately

We're in Ireland . It's a very different process .

It’s possible this is all true. It’s also possible that he is a married man trying to get laid.

How long have they been separated?

I’d suggest you wait for him to become actually single. Also, can you qualify what he’s saying? I ask because I got involved and completely love bombed by a guy who made up a whole story about being seperated, living seperately, and it was a total lie, and he really seemed like the real deal. Made me completely fall for him, I thought he was such a gentleman also.

Yes I've been very hurt . Cheated on for years apparently
I've done the work but Jesus

After everything you've gone through, why on earth would you knowingly entangle yourself with a man who is still married? And has a child. You only know what he is telling you, but the fact he's still legally married should be the deal breaker.

I do think it's different here in Ireland. My parents split 35 years ago and still not divorced!

You don't know that. You don't even know him.

I can qualify that they're separated five years , live apart and have a son in our local special
School. That's what I do know , factually.

Why is he dating when he is not single? Ask him point blank.

I suspect he is lying to you (lovebombing as another poster said). He tells you exactly what you want to hear.

Then once you are in deep and he loses interest, he has the convenient get-out-of-jail free that he is married.

Don't waste your time. Wait for him to get divorced first, otherwise he is blatantly having his cake and eating it in plain sight.

I was also told that they wish each other well, but don’t want to hear about each others new lives….he said the spark was just never there with her but she was a good mum and a good person, all sounded lovely and amicable. In reality he had form, and she was a worn down wife who thought his frequent cheating was behind him, but he was discovered, and she completely broke down. He can tell you anything, but unless you meet her and see they truly aren’t together and she’s happy he’s met someone, it could just all be made up rubbish- especially as they are still married. Like others have said, by the time you are deeply in love with him, if you then find out it’s bullshit, it will destroy you and you’ll likely not leave him. You need to not just take his word for it. Even if he is telling the truth, they are married and may not get divorced. It could be a pack of
lies, and being separated could be complete news to his wife

This reminds me of Roisin Conaty’s show Gameface. Her Irish parents are separated but only get divorced at least a decade or two later in the show. I didn’t know it was a thing!