Just went on a date with a gentleman.

[bloodyplasticbag]

I'm not used to this.
He seems kind, loving and
Speaks highly of the mother of his children . They have grown apart.
They have a child with very complex needs whom
They both adore but have not been in love with each other for many years.

He seems so kind, compassionate and loving and I've never been used to this.
I may sound cynical but I have not had this experience before .

It's my second time
meeting him.
As gentle and kind and lovely as when we met.
I feel it's too good to be true.
He's attractive , fit, healthy looking, wealthy and just so nice .
I'm
Hyper vigilant . Scared . Untrusting.
What the hell os wrong with me ???

Hold on a minute. The only thing you can be sure of is that he says they are mid mediation and he says he wishes her well. She may have a very different version of events.

What do stories do you think your ex told the women he was hoping to have sex with? Did he tell them what this man is telling you?

Yep it means there's no sex and the man considers them just roommates and that he can see other women. The wife is usually completely oblivious to this.

All of this-

They have grown apart.
They have a child with very complex needs whom
They both adore but have not been in love with each other for many years.

Doesn't make it sound like he's even left! Does he really not still live with her OP?

Yeah this.

A lot of mumsnetters just hate men op

Have you done an Internet search on him? The usual Facebook and 192.com? Nice men can also bend the truth too

How ridiculous.

The start of any normal relationship does not begin without some element of "love bombing".

This is how attraction works. And in this case it seems to be a healthy dose of it, and not the toxic type.

OP posting about this is a bad idea though, just take it as it comes and don't think too much about it.

In Ireland you have to be separated for two out of three years before applying for a divorce, if used to be 4 of 5. It’s quite a slow process and many people, once the details of separation have been worked out, see no reason to take it all the way. There’s no taboo to living together outside of marriage anymore. But there’s still a distaste for divorce among the older generation if they are still religious.

Jesus fucking Christ. Men literally cannot win.

2 years of living apart- same as it used to be in the UK. It’s not very long at all for the end of a marriage

Actually they can, by avoiding the bitter amongst us. They usually do too!

You shouldn’t need to talk about exes either of you had that much in two dates. Aren’t there more interesting topics?

This.

Although with regards to other topics, he's managed to make it known after just 2 dates that "he's wealthy"

Why are you so concerned with them winning? This isn't about that at all. This is about the op making smart decisions that put her and her child's best interests first. She is not obligated to give any man the benefit of the doubt because he says nice things, and she should be extra discriminating given her circumstances.

So you shouldn't date for a minimum of 2 years until you are formally divorced?! Some couples don't even bother to apply formally for divorce for quite some time, given the costs involved etc. There really is no reason to divorce if you already have a formal/legal financial settlement in place, which most separating couples in Ireland do. Unless you want to remarry. Also, as a PP mentioned, many separated couples in Ireland never divorce for religious reasons. My own parents included.

I live in the west of Ireland and divorce is practically unheard of here. People separate all the time but very very rarely remarry. The only reason my partner is divorced is because he was married to an English woman in England and she initiated the divorce.

It is absolutely possible to find a true gentleman. I was waiting for the new guy to stop being on his best behaviour where he was kind, thoughtful and funny.

It took a while for me to realise that was just the real him and not all men are bastards.
We've been together over 20yrs and he's still the same.

May as well just stay single if that's the case. All this extra discrimination sounds exhausting and not fun at all.

I hope all the posters on here berating this guy down to the ground don't have sons. And if they do have sons, your sons aren't exempt of separating when they're older.

Or is it just every other man you hate apart from your precious sons.

There's a lot of posters on here that clearly hate men or the first reason to bash them down, they will, but I wonder if they hold the same threshold with their mummies boys.

Exhibit A of my point above.

You don't really know what he's like yet OP but if you are enjoying the dates carry on.

My only advice is please take it very slowly and don't fall for him just yet. Also, no one posting here knows him either so use your judgement and take it slowly. Best of luck.

Regardless, they're are some
Seriously bitter women on here.
Lord knows how we are meant take people on face value.... kind or not .
I'm flummoxed now.

So much hate for men here. Hope you don't have children!!

If he's an Irishman he's a keeper! I've had one of those for 31 years and of course he's a gentleman

You aren't supposed to take people at face value. Trust is earned, not automatically given because you like what you hear.

FGS. Stop being ridiculous.

I'm taken aback by some of the posts. They're separated, he's not living on a sofa in their shared house. And as people have said, in Ireland it's a long process. How many posts do you see on the 'dating is a nightmare threads,' where someone will pop up and say they met a fantastic man they are now married to on OLD. It happens, just not often. Presumably they went on some great dates with a lovely man. Is someone being kind and attractive 'love bombing.' If so it would follow you should only date men who are obviously unappealing from the start.

Of course women get messed around if they don't know someone through others. I know a woman who was horribly lied to. Of course you should always progress slowly and keep your eyes open. That's just common sense. But I wouldn't be ruling him out yet. Available, nice men you find attractive aren't easy to find.