Just went on a date with a gentleman.

[bloodyplasticbag]

I'm not used to this.
He seems kind, loving and
Speaks highly of the mother of his children . They have grown apart.
They have a child with very complex needs whom
They both adore but have not been in love with each other for many years.

He seems so kind, compassionate and loving and I've never been used to this.
I may sound cynical but I have not had this experience before .

It's my second time
meeting him.
As gentle and kind and lovely as when we met.
I feel it's too good to be true.
He's attractive , fit, healthy looking, wealthy and just so nice .
I'm
Hyper vigilant . Scared . Untrusting.
What the hell os wrong with me ???

Nothing is wrong with you. Trust your instincts, OP.

I bet there's a wife and child with a different story, and who perhaps still trust him because he lies to them.

Take it slowly and give yourself time to develop the friendship. You’ve been hurt in the past and he has huge family commitments. Don’t overthink things, keep your wits about you and keep an open mind. Too much optimism is as toxic as too much cynicism. Wishing you luck x

Always some very weird responses on MN. It’s natural and probably a good idea at this stage (with anyone) to be wary, but - giving the bloke the benefit of the doubt for a moment (unlike anyone else on here 😂) - it is OK to separate from someone, it’s OK for divorce itself to take some time, and it’s lovely to not be a d**k about your ex. Fingers crossed for you.

You have instincts for a reason. Date a single guy, if he’s that special to you, tell him you’ll wait for the divorce papers to be signed as he is still married, and you don’t want to start anything with him that way.

This. Some of the posts are really cynical. I met my second husband when separated from my first, and I was telling the truth about it all.

Or ignore your instincts and be potentially up to your neck in emotional baggage in a few months

And the other red flag is him dipping out on the day to day care of a severely disabled child. I doubt his child’s mother has the cash, time or energy to date.

I’ve been separated for 4 years and am still not divorced. In that horrible limbo that happens when one party is determined to slow the process down. Getting divorced isn’t that easy sometimes.

Both he and his child's mother make sure they have plenty of time to take a break from
Family life . I do know that .as it should be

In two dates how much time has he spent wanging on about his ex and their warm feelings for each other?

While the psycho ex narrative is a red flag so is painting yourself as the nice guy who values his ex so much. You shouldn’t need to talk about exes either of you had that much in two dates. Aren’t there more interesting topics?

Does he not live in the same area as you then?

Only on MN are people unavailable to date before divorce papers come through.

How did you meet, why is it taking so long to divorce if separated for 5 years?

They live separately, share care of their son who is enrolled in a local school, yet he's here on holiday. How does that work?

You need to tell him you would love to continue this situation when he is divorced. You will regret it if you don't.

He doesn't live locally but his local
Special school is near where I live .

My parents also separated 35 years ago. Still not divorced either! Also in Ireland.

We dont divorce here, as as rule, unless to
Remarry or unless there are massive assets

I feel like you posted just to glory in your new found love, so I believe the love bombing has really worked, I think the guy knows what he’s doing to be honest. You keep saying that you know this and you know that, but have you met and spoke with his ex wife or anyone that knows her to confirm his account? If not then all you know is what he has said. As someone else said, 2 dates and he’s talked a lot about his ex, it’s very very full on isn’t it? Like you’ve been advised, tell him you’ll wait for him to be actually single before proceeding and see what his reaction to that is. Who decided to become separated according to him?

Divorce in Ireland is a very lengthy and expensive process . Most couples remain separated and only finalise a divorce if one of them wishes to remarry.

Many on MN are wary and cynical due to personal experience. I have friends whose Irish parents separated 30 years ago and never divorced. I think they think it’s less shameful than actually divorcing. 🤷‍♀️

If you like him OP, go for it.

What do you mean his son is in the local school but he's on holiday there? How does that work?

Well if that’s what they do in Ireland, and that’s his plan, then she will forever be the other woman. Do you want that OP?

I posted to glorify new love ...
Really ?
Jesus you really don't know me a at all!

For a lot of men, being separated just means they are unhappy in the marriage, but “separated” sounds better, just don’t want you falling in that trap like so many women do.