Affair - advice

[Senselesstime]

In a relationship with a man who is married.

His situation - I only have his word for it, of course.

No physical affection or sex for +/- 8years
No kindness
Very stressful and tense relationship at home
1 child - around 7/8
He planned to leave when child was independent - had a whole plan.

We met years ago, just in a saying hello kinda way.

Back in touch about a year and a half ago.

And we’ve been having an affair. Sex, yes. Also lots of fun and laughter. Contact, all the time, by text. If there’s an issue - health/family/work - we talk things through, as we would if this wasn’t an affair. He tells me how much he loves me, all the time.

He doesn’t want to leave right now because of his child. He does want to accelerate his original plan.

I love him.

All views welcome.

Oh dear, oh dear.....
Married men that have mistresses tend to be liars.

If you want to accelerate the plan even more, just tell the wife!

He probably wont leave his wife. He has best of all worlds now.

I wouldnt say tell his wife as even then he'll be unlikely to want you for any reason other than somewhere to stay while he gets his shit together.

I hear you.

He could be lying. Perhaps I’m a massive cliche - that isn’t how it feels, at all, but maybe.

He is reading you a script, you are chosing to delude yourself and believe it.

Plans to leave when child is independent? 18? 25? 30? (the way house prices and wages are). Sorry but its all bluster. How long can you wait?

You should end it now, you are being used.

Find an available man. This is no good for anyone

Yes, this is a massive cliché.

Get some self respect and end it.

Straight from the lying cheats script page 1 - we don’t have sex, I’m only there for the kids yeah yeah of course. You know he’s talking shit so stop deluding yourself and find your self respect.

My advice is stop fucking someone else’s husband and find one of the millions of the single blokes out there.

Don’t tell his wife. He’ll deny it and she’ll believe him.

18

That was his original plan

Script? Is this an actual thing?

Tell his wife.

That will "accelerate his plan" for sure.

The only way there's a chance he'll leave his wife and you win such a prize, is if she kicks him out.

They all say they're not having sex with their wives, OP.

He's painted an awful picture of his home life hasn't he. Seems remarkable he is choosing to stay! 🙄

You are currently the bit on the side.

Stop the relationship. See what he does next.

Yeah. It sounds shit.

I recognise that I don’t know if it’s just made up or true.

I’d never have believed I’d end up in the position.

How old are you and how old is he?

Do you want marriage &/or kids in your future?

Late 40s/early 50s

i have a child already. No plans for more.

End it.
Most married men that say that crap are are not telling the truth.

So according to him they stopped having sex when his wife was pregnant or looking after a newborn. What does that say to you about him?

You presumably haven't been on MN for very long?! There is definitely a script, which many, many women have written about over the years.

He has a choice and is choosing to stay with his family .
If his wife finds out I am sure he will run to you, and you will always know you were second best . If his family is fractured because of his affair you will both be responsible for the unhappiness his wife and child experience.

You can be better than this . Leave him .

If he wanted to leave his wife he would, absolutely mental that you would even consider this arrangement for another 10 years when his child turns 18. Men that have affairs are liars, don't kid yourself

You’re late 40’s and you’re playing the wide eyed faux naivety about the lying cheats script being a tale as old as time.

Stop wasting your life on a man who it’s already telling you he’ll be stringing you along for another decade before he gives another excuse not to leave. It’ll be ‘DC is at uni I can’t leave now’ they’re starting work it’s not right time’ and before you know it you’re 60 years old and he’s still there.

They had sex to conceive. It had been not great prior to that.

Once mat leave was over, he was (and is) the primary carer because of their respective jobs.