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Original poster

Dumped after two great dates...

258 replies

TriPopz · 18/08/2024 08:26

My very first dating experience since separating from my emotionally neglectful exH and it's fucking broken me.

We'd messaged every day on a dating app for a week or so. Great banter. He asked me out for a coffee. We met up and it was lovely, lots of chatting and laughing, no awkward silences, seemed like we had loads in common. We hugged at the end and swapped numbers. He WhatsApped me that same evening to say he'd had a great time with me. More messaging. He asked me out for a second time. We met again a week later. Same again. He held my hand, stroked my arm, put his arm round me, we kissed goodbye... WhatsApped me again the same evening to say he'd had fun. Nothing for 24 hours. Then this:

Hey, I've been thinking about this a lot, and I wanted to be honest with you. I've had a great time getting to know you, but I don't feel like this is going to work for me going forward. I wish you all the best in the future.

"All the best for the future" like I've been rejected from a fucking job interview!? Then:

I understand you are disappointed. I just feel like we are looking for different things and it wouldn't be fair to you to carry on seeing each other when I can't see a future. This wasn't an easy decision, but I feel it is the right one.I am sorry.

I'm gutted. I stupidly fell hard and fast but I thought it was mutual. I certainly wouldn't have bloody kissed him if I'd known I was never going to see him again! He thinks it's too early days for me apparently and doesn't want to be a part of my divorce process. I wasn't expecting him to be! I feel like he's giving up on something potentially great because of something bad that might happen. I naively thought that it was pretty rare to have genuine chemistry with someone you met OLD and so this just seems like a waste.

I don't know why I'm posting other than to stop myself messaging him to ask him to reconsider. Which definitely isn't going to help is it.

He's also now blocked me on WhatsApp and unmatched me on Hinge. Which makes me feel like I've done something really wrong 😔

OP posts:
Royalshyness · 18/08/2024 08:28

He has an ego doesn’t he .. ‘I understand you are disappointed’

when you message him back just say it’s ok as you didn’t feel much of a spark ⚡️

solice84 · 18/08/2024 08:30

I wouldn't read too much into his excuses op
He's probably been multi dating and has decided for whatever reason to pursue someone else but he's hardly going to tell you that

PortiasBiscuit · 18/08/2024 08:31

He wasn’t feeling it and he’s been honest. You are allowed to feel disappointed and sad. Chalk it up to experience, be kind to yourself today and then move on.
Try not to let it spoil your confidence, lots of friendly, sociable, attractive guys out there, not all of them are right for you.

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/08/2024 08:31

Tbh, in his situation I’d be dubious of becoming involved with someone who isn’t yet divorced.
He says he doesn’t feel you want the same things? How would he know that after just two dates? Were you intense in telling him what you’re looking for in terms of your next relationship? If so, that’s a lot for a second date.

I think he’s behaved decently. There are many who would have taken advantage of your probably very obvious interest, slept with you then ended it.

Chalk it down to experience and slow it right down next time.

Sethera · 18/08/2024 08:34

It reads like a pre-prepared message he sends when he doesn't want to see someone again. I agree the 'disappointed' bit is rather presumptuous, but other than that it's a reasonable message, and must be better than being ghosted or messed around.

I agree with pp, send him a politely worded message to the effect you didn't feel much of a spark either. But I don't think he's really done anything wrong. He didn't want to take things further - for whatever reason - you kissed, but you didn't have sex, so he isn't one of those men who is just in it for a shag and drops you when he's got what he wants.

IDontHateRainbows · 18/08/2024 08:35

Not sure he's done anything wrong here although I can understand youre disappointed.

Maybe you came on a bit too strong and he got the jitters?

DinnerOnTheGrass · 18/08/2024 08:36

Royalshyness · 18/08/2024 08:28

He has an ego doesn’t he .. ‘I understand you are disappointed’

when you message him back just say it’s ok as you didn’t feel much of a spark ⚡️

I understood that as being his response to the OP replying ‘“All the best for the future” like I’ve been rejected from a fucking job interview?’ and showing she was furious and hurt?

LaPalmaLlama · 18/08/2024 08:37

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/08/2024 08:31

Tbh, in his situation I’d be dubious of becoming involved with someone who isn’t yet divorced.
He says he doesn’t feel you want the same things? How would he know that after just two dates? Were you intense in telling him what you’re looking for in terms of your next relationship? If so, that’s a lot for a second date.

I think he’s behaved decently. There are many who would have taken advantage of your probably very obvious interest, slept with you then ended it.

Chalk it down to experience and slow it right down next time.

I'd agree with this- he's been upfront about it and hasn't messed you about. I personally also wouldn't date someone going through a divorce because I wouldn't feel able to emotionally commit until that's settled and these things can drag on - and it's also possible he's done this before and it's been drama/ mess.

Original poster
TriPopz · 18/08/2024 08:38

I don't think he's done anything wrong. I'm just very sad..

Obviously you'll have to take my word for it but it was all very mutual - he instigated all the meet ups and all the touching etc!

OP posts:
PinkLemonade555 · 18/08/2024 08:39

I mean you can’t message him anyway as he’s blocked you…

you’ve done nothing wrong, but please don’t beg people to choose you. Try to not get as emotionally invested next time. OLD is brutal.

Josephinesnapoleon · 18/08/2024 08:40

How can you fall hard for someone you’ve met twice? I’d really think about that if I was you. You don’t even know this man, you haven’t fallen hard for him, maybe the idea of him, so focus on what’s causing you to think this way, is it loneliness, do you need male attention , are you unhappy single, something is at the root of this you need to work on.

Original poster
TriPopz · 18/08/2024 08:40

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/08/2024 08:31

Tbh, in his situation I’d be dubious of becoming involved with someone who isn’t yet divorced.
He says he doesn’t feel you want the same things? How would he know that after just two dates? Were you intense in telling him what you’re looking for in terms of your next relationship? If so, that’s a lot for a second date.

I think he’s behaved decently. There are many who would have taken advantage of your probably very obvious interest, slept with you then ended it.

Chalk it down to experience and slow it right down next time.

We hadn't really discussed "what we wanted" (because it was so early!) so that part is confusing to me

OP posts:
sonjadog · 18/08/2024 08:41

I am sorry you are hurt, but I think you have learnt an important dating lesson from this. Don't fall for people so quickly. Be cautious for the first while.

Also, don't analyse and get hung up on people's "not interested" messages. People just write something they think will make their position clear, not necessarily what is true or what they actually think. The aim is to make it clear they no longer want to proceed, not discuss the dates.

BlastedPimples · 18/08/2024 08:42

That's a standard and polite text which does sound like a job interview rejection, you're right. But then dating can be like job interviews.

He is dating multiple people as is his right. And yours. He's probably met someone who is not in the process of divorce, no drama. Simpler. Easier.

It is so disappointing when you meet someone you like and it turns out like this. And yes, it's hurtful.

But keep on dating. Don't let this one person cloud you or occupy your head.

Keep on having fun.

Bear in mind he will probably pop up again when you're sorted with your divorce / have met someone else for real / are in a better place. And I wouldn't jump back into dating him tbh.

whatsappdoc · 18/08/2024 08:46

He sounds married to me.

Josephinesnapoleon · 18/08/2024 08:46

whatsappdoc · 18/08/2024 08:46

He sounds married to me.

Huh?

SaintHonoria · 18/08/2024 08:46

He's been Frank with you. Sounds like he's a lovely man and he spotted that you were very keen perhaps for not the right reasons, i.e that you are craving love and affection after a disastrous marriage.

He wanted to avoid being a rebound.

magicmushrooms · 18/08/2024 08:47

On the plus side he hasn't ghosted you, and yes he is entitled to say no, this is not for me (same way you are). 2 dates is really just a taster to meet someone and see if it is worth pursuing.

if he hadn't blocked you, which I think is a nasty thing to do straight after a message like that and speaks volumes, a reply saying all the best, nice to have met you would have allowed you to close this off as well.

bergamotorange · 18/08/2024 08:47

He thinks it's too early days for me apparently and doesn't want to be a part of my divorce process. I think this sounds very sensible on his part.

I feel like he's giving up on something potentially great because of something bad that might happen. I naively thought that it was pretty rare to have genuine chemistry with someone you met OLD and so this just seems like a waste. This is waaay too intense from you. It was two dates. This is red flag behaviour from you.

Take care OP, you've been through a lot and have the divorce process to come.

AnywhereAnyoneAnyTime · 18/08/2024 08:48

Your language makes me think that perhaps not ready for dating. “Fell hard and fast,” “dumped.” You met a couple of times but your language makes it sound as if you already saw yourself in a relationship and tbh that would make me run a mile as that kind of intense behaviour coupled with the divorce is classic rebound behaviour.

BananaLambo · 18/08/2024 08:49

Don’t overthink this. It’s a numbers game on OLD. He's probably dating four or five people and so should you be. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. I don’t think he’s done anything wrong and I think his message was polite, honest and respectful (the disappointed comment notwithstanding), and he’s done it quickly rather than letting it drag on and have you getting more attached. Jump back in the pool - keep it light - meet quickly - move on fast if it’s not giving the vibe you want - date plenty and think of it as an opportunity to meet people you wouldn’t have otherwise met. A romance is a bonus.

User135644 · 18/08/2024 08:49

He's not done anything wrong. A lot of people just ghost after dates

OlympicGoldfish · 18/08/2024 08:50

Any man who uses “going forward”, like he did, deserves to be dumped and blocked anyway. Nothing to regret here, OP. You’ll find someone whose language is less wooden. Good luck.

Andwegoroundagain · 18/08/2024 08:50

Better than being ghosted.
It's similar to rhe sort of message I'd send if I didn't want to see someone again (other than the disappointed bit) but I'd definitely say wish all the best.

PashaMinaMio · 18/08/2024 08:51

Whatever words he used, at least he had the decency to tell you now. At least he didn’t ghost you.
Telling you early put a stop to further investment from you which would have been even worse.
Lessons learned?
Maybe clear the decks and get your divorce over with then launch yourself again. Take your time.
The dating world is brutal! Takes a tough skin.

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