Right, @TriPopz ive only read your posts so not sure if anyone else has said this, but let’s put this date/guy to one side here for the moment, he’s irrelevant
let’s talk about you :)
your last relationship was with an emotionally abusive character. (I’ve been there, and made the long long journey away from unhealthy relationships)
until we’ve done the work on ourselves, we will be drawn to the same kind of people, and those controlling/abusive people will be drawn to us (and our vulnerability)
this guy has dangled a carrot in front of you and probably pushed a number of small boundaries along the way, he’s gone for an early discard and you’re hurt and upset.
this is a guy you DONT know. You’ve met him TWICE. Everything other than that is just smoke and mirrors potentially. Talk (and texts/calls) is cheap. He can tell you what he wants you to believe and you will hear what you want to believe.
you say you fell fast. My dear @TriPopz you shouldn’t have even missed a step, let alone fall.
i say again, this guy is a stranger. You don’t know him.
you know that an abuser takes between 18m to 2 years to let the mask fully slip, you have a vulnerability to controlling partners therefore it’s far more likely that if you think you have clicked with someone, that they are the same (or potentially worse) than your ex.
i went through phases of dating, phases of a break, but at the end i knew where my boundaries were and I NEVER compromised on them.
i had a list of hard no’s to dating - voted brexit, poor spelling/grammar, pictures of their kids on the profile, my kids are my world, called Dave.
yeah, seriously.
Then if we connect: muck me about in messages? Bin
blow me out last minute? Bin
come on too strong, too quickly? Bin
when I met my now partner (coming up for 8years now)
for the first 6m I never gave the relationship any gravity or seriousness in my head, it could implode at any moment, I could walk away and if he did, fair enough. Disappointed yes, but if this isn’t the one, the one would come along after
I saw myself grow and learn with every date I had. Each connection taught me so much. I knew early on that I needed to do some serious work to repair the damage done, to fix the vulnerability and to give myself a kind of force field of self esteem. I found that once I’d built this force field it actually kept a lot of potentially bad men away. The stronger I got, the fewer chancers I seem to have to deal with.
With my oh, we took things slow, took things light and simple. i only considered it to be more serious once we hit the 12 months mark.
you have to learn to detach, take things light, don’t commit to anything, don’t allow future faking by him or by you.
i realised that even if Mr Right rocked up on day 1, I would not be HIS Ms Right. I wasn’t ready.
you’re not ready yet, you need to kiss a few frogs, understand that you can have a safe relationship and end it as it’s no longer appropriate, or has no future
you’re interviewing for the best job in the world; to be your partner, so make sure you invest time into yourself to get stronger and in a place where you can be your best self, enjoy your own company and are happy in your own skin.
demand the best of yourself and for yourself.
oh and NEVER lose faith. Never ever lose faith in the fact that you deserve love and happiness.