Dumped after two great dates...

[TriPopz]

My very first dating experience since separating from my emotionally neglectful exH and it's fucking broken me.

We'd messaged every day on a dating app for a week or so. Great banter. He asked me out for a coffee. We met up and it was lovely, lots of chatting and laughing, no awkward silences, seemed like we had loads in common. We hugged at the end and swapped numbers. He WhatsApped me that same evening to say he'd had a great time with me. More messaging. He asked me out for a second time. We met again a week later. Same again. He held my hand, stroked my arm, put his arm round me, we kissed goodbye... WhatsApped me again the same evening to say he'd had fun. Nothing for 24 hours. Then this:

Hey, I've been thinking about this a lot, and I wanted to be honest with you. I've had a great time getting to know you, but I don't feel like this is going to work for me going forward. I wish you all the best in the future.

"All the best for the future" like I've been rejected from a fucking job interview!? Then:

I understand you are disappointed. I just feel like we are looking for different things and it wouldn't be fair to you to carry on seeing each other when I can't see a future. This wasn't an easy decision, but I feel it is the right one.I am sorry.

I'm gutted. I stupidly fell hard and fast but I thought it was mutual. I certainly wouldn't have bloody kissed him if I'd known I was never going to see him again! He thinks it's too early days for me apparently and doesn't want to be a part of my divorce process. I wasn't expecting him to be! I feel like he's giving up on something potentially great because of something bad that might happen. I naively thought that it was pretty rare to have genuine chemistry with someone you met OLD and so this just seems like a waste.

I don't know why I'm posting other than to stop myself messaging him to ask him to reconsider. Which definitely isn't going to help is it.

He's also now blocked me on WhatsApp and unmatched me on Hinge. Which makes me feel like I've done something really wrong 😔

'We hadn't really discussed "what we wanted" (because it was so early!) so that part is confusing to me' @TriPopz

But you fell hard and fast?

Hey, I've been thinking about this a lot, and I wanted to be honest with you. I've had a great time getting to know you, but I don't feel like this is going to work for me going forward. I wish you all the best in the future.

"All the best for the future" like I've been rejected from a fucking job interview!? Then:

I understand you are disappointed. I just feel like we are looking for different things and it wouldn't be fair to you to carry on seeing each other when I can't see a future. This wasn't an easy decision, but I feel it is the right one.I am sorry.

Did she tell him she was disappointed after this message or somewhere in the middle because I read all that as one message?

From what OP wrote he was the one instigating things, however he wasn’t feeling it which he has every right to his feelings. OP just needs to prepare herself going forward not every date will end in a love story

He’s handled an awkward situation politely. I suspect he’s looked on line for some advice about the wording, which is fair enough. Leave it.

Also
You weren't 'dumped' as you weren't in a relationship. Maybe he saw the intensity of you and then stopped anything happening further.

Men can't do right from wrong.
He could've ghosted her but he didn't. He was clear and polite and wished the OP all the best.

You obviously hate men and have very sweeping generalised assumptions of them.

He really shouldn’t have blocked and unblocked you, but other than that, assuming OP told him that she was disappointed, it doesn’t sound like he did or said anything wrong.

YOU had two great dates and thought things would go further. Maybe he had a good time but wasn't feeling it in the same way as you. I think he's been respectful in letting you know he doesn't want to take things further.

If you invested so much you are feeling broken after just two dates then I'm not sure you are ready to start dating again. Give yourself some time to get through the divorce and enjoy being single for a while. A period of independence is useful for building confidence.

We perhaps don't know the full story of what the op said in response to the initial 'thanks but no thanks' email.
I suspect she may have been a little more vociferous in her reply

blocking then unblocking, then messaging to say that it was unfair of him to block you sounds like he’s a head case. I think you dodged a bullet OP

My hunch is he has met someone else he wants to pursue things with (and it may peter out too) and has tried to do the right thing.
For that reason I actually WOULDN’T send the “no spark for me either message.” It’s not true and it would kill any possibility of him making an approach again in the future - as who knows, he may often get cold feet with people early on and eventually realise this error. Not to say to sit waiting BY ANY MEANS. Get on with your life. But in my gathering wisdom I have learnt it normally isn’t necessary to burn the bridges you leave in your wake.

This is very good advice. Don’t burn any bridges or slam any doors, just leave it and carry on with your life.

I think it's this. Other candidates have more development potential/are free to start straight away/have bigger tits...

I would also say don't read to much into the message. Imagine it was you who didn't think the relationship was for you and you wanted to end it cleanly and politely? You would probably go for the most reasonable sounding reason you could think of - because you wouldn't want to be the bitch that comes out with the truth.

Actually OP it may be that indeed he liked you a lot but at this point in time doesn't want a full on relationship with anyone - and senses maybe that you aren't a casual dater kind of person so doesn't want to hurt you-

“TriPopz · Today 08:38
I don't think he's done anything wrong. I'm just very sad..

Obviously you'll have to take my word for it but it was all very mutual - he instigated all the meet ups and all the touching etc!”

I can see why that’s confusing but you were still reading too much into it and expecting too much from it.

You might want to ask yourself what the rush is. Why are you wanting to rush into a committed relationship with a man? Why not just enjoy being single for a bit?

That void you’re feeling - fill it with your own interests and passions. Hobbies. New activities. Seeing friends and family. If you date, let it be for fun and sex.

This is such a brilliant opportunity to live purely for yourself. Do you really want the burden of a relationship right now - having to accommodate someone else’s needs and wants? You’ve got complete freedom for the first time in eons. Embrace that. Make it count. Make it epic!

Cmon now/

@TriPopz I definitely think he has a set of pre-written paragraphs. And thinks a fair bit of himself. I hope you feel better soon though.

The ‘ I understand you are disappointed’ bit is rude but otherwise I think he’s not done anything wrong. You remind me of me a bit of me when I first started online dating after a long and shit marriage; I was SO excited to meet a guy I had chemistry with, had sex with him pretty quickly and just generally speaking was way too over keen and he sent me a similar message and blocked me too and I COULDN’T FIGURE OUT WHY. Of course looking back I can see I was way too full on.

Everyone who comes in and out of your life will teach you something; take the lessons and apply them. You can’t fall for someone you barely know unless you’re a narcissist. It isn’t the guy, it’s what he represents. Do some more work on yourself, date multiple people and don’t get invested unless you’ve known someone a good long while.

I wasn't rude or unpleasant. I wish I could edit the original post to clarify. But I did tell him I was a little disappointed, hence his response.

If he’s now unblocked you and messaged, he’s messing with you. Block him and move on - don’t allow him to keep reappearing and keep you hanging on (breadcrumbing). This is how you end up in situationships that drag on for months or years.

Always remember the following - if he wanted to, he would.

From my vicarious experience of OLD through friends, I think he's behaved very well.

You've had 2 dates, he's realised it wasn't going to work, and let you down gently. Other less nice options I've seen regularly are a) ghosting b) him ramping things up, instigating sleeping together, then ghosting/calling it off.

Also, if someone is serious about finding a long term partner through OLD, they have to be quite efficient. If it's not working after a couple of dates, move on.

From the few paragraphs you've posted here OP, you do come across as quite intense and not really ready for a relationship, so I'm assuming that also came across in your dates and messages with him. No judgement, I think I'd be the same in your situation.

Maybe take a break from OLD for now until you're in a better place, or keep going, but reframe your attitude and expectations.

OP told him she was disappointed and she had asked him to explain his reasons for not wanting to see her again:

"I asked him if he wouldn't mind taking the time to explain his reasons, as it was unexpected and I was a little disappointed."

Why should he explain?

Absolutely this.

Sounds like standard dating experience. You meet with people, maybe another few times and it flows but there's something that makes you walk away. At least he didn't just disappear.

Agree. The responses saying he must be multi dating, met someone else etc are not necessarily correct. He genuinely might have just realised he wasn’t feeling it after second date.

And it’s easy to misread signals. I remember a date I had that I thought was dreadful however the guy messaged me saying he felt we had a real connection. Sometimes we think there’s more just because we want there to be.

Pompous twat. You have had a Lucky escape.

Op.. in the kindest way …Maybe you’ve jumped into dating too soon ? Take some time out and enjoy being single … You can’t “fall hard “ after too dates .. you don’t even know him .

He could have just ghosted you .. At least he messaged and explained .
He could have most likely met someone he felt more of a spark with or maybe he didn’t want to be your rebound , which ever it is .. you really shouldn’t be giving it anymore thought .
Remember none of it means you are undesirable
Just leave it where it is x