I’ve left my husband - please help!

[Mothersmith89]

Hi everyone

I have left my husband of 10 years. 15 together.

for years something hasn’t felt right. We don’t really have sex or much fun together. We tried few therapists. I think I am just checked out.

has anyone else done this? The wavering guilt and doubts are so painful!

I think it’s the right thing but I will never really know will I?!

he keeps indirectly mentioning about how I’ll regret this at 40 as no man wants a 40 year old woman

is that true? Any stories of life after divorce. I’m 36, one 6 year old. Can’t have more kids (physically impossible) is there life for me? I’m so scared : (

looking for any stories, either way!! Thanks xxx

Stay - make it work

What a ridiculous response.

OP you are 36 - not 96. Take some time for yourself and your child and take stock of what you actually want from your next relationship, don't negotiate on your non negotiables. Good luck

he keeps indirectly mentioning about how I’ll regret this at 40 as no man wants a 40 year old woman

This comment from him is a red flag

loads of men want and love women over 40, 50 and 60 ….

you’ve had therapy, you’re not happy - he can’t be happy, so you’re both still young
Why don’t you seperate and see how you feel
in a few months - you don’t have to jump
straight to divorce

Trust your instincts. You knew this was the right thing to do and you had the courage to do it. Everyone deserves to live a happy life. From what you've said your marriage sounds miserable. If feels scary now because it's new, but once you get settled you will rediscover life, happiness, confidence. Be strong, believe in yourself!

In your view.

I left recently. I'm in my fifties.
He was joyless, neglectful, cruel and I'd had enough.
Wish I'd done it when I was 36!

People find love again at all ages. Do not stay. You aren’t happy. Life doesn’t end when you hit 40. If it did there wouldn’t be countless people looking for love on dating websites etc.

The comment from him is a big red flag & gives an insight into why you wouldn’t want to be with him.

He’s talking shit & lashing out to try to hurt you. By his logic, would he not have wanted to be with you in 4 years time when you hit 40? I doubt it, he’s being a dick.

Imagine you stayed with him - how would you feel in 10 years if things were still exactly the same? On the flip side, assume you don’t meet anyone & live a different life but single - would that be better or worse than where you’re at now?

Of all the things a husband could say to an unhappy wife, the 'no one will want you at 40' is the one that tells you you have made the right decision. Well done, you're out. Go find a better life first yourself.

And sorry, you asked for stories. Mine is 2 years (almost) post divorce & I’m 39. I am single, haven’t attempted dating of any kind yet & am happier than I have been in years.

In some sense, I would like to meet someone & fall in love again one day but have focused on myself & therapy in the immediate aftermath. I am optimistic about finding love but just not pursuing it at the minute, if that didn’t happen I would be perfectly content as I am. You couldn’t pay me to go back to a miserable marriage.

Eh? Utter nonsense.

I was 49 when I met DP, I say met, but we have been friends for over 25 years. Being 49 didn’t put him off and we have an amazing life together

His comment that no man wants a woman in her 40s:
a) a load of rubbish
b) shows him for who he is.
c) even if it were true, better to be single than stay with a man you aren't happy with, just because you don't think you could get another man - there's so much more to life than men

I met someone new and remarried in my 40s. Never been happier.

This.

Well done on your bravery for leaving a relationship that clearly did not meet your needs while both you and DH are plenty young enough to rebuild. Sounds as though you were both very young when you met - you’ve simply outgrown each other.

I’d focus on yourself and your child for a bit, though. Relationships tend to follow when you are happy and feeling good about yourself.

Sounds like you made a good choice just based on his negative comments.
You are young and now free to enjoy life with your child.
Men don't equal happiness. Even if you dont meet anyone else you can still have a wonderful life full of adventures and joy.

The comment alone would put me off. What an idiot he is - to imagine he can keep you by telling you he’s the best you’ll get! 😅

i was 49 when I met DP. Been together many years and I’m very happy

Hi op. I'm in the same boat. We were mates. He slept in the spare room. No intimacy in years and years. We get on well as mates and I hope he's happy. I'm scared though. I have bought a new flat and will be moving soon. I keep having doubts. Too late in the day I know. But I know im doing the right thing.

Why?

Because it is better for the children.

That's nonsense @Emz1212

In your view.

I did it at 35. Life is great.

I did meet a partner but I spent a few wonderful years single. And if me and dp did end I would be happily single again.

Having a partner isn’t the be all and end all. A partner should enhance your life. Not be the aim of your life. You are enough and you are young. You have plenty of time to build your life into what you want it to be.

I am not particularly attractive, but don’t have problems attracting men. So what if a 40 year old man doesn’t want you? You might not want them. Staying in a marriage because a husband who makes you unhappy says he thinks you won’t find anyone else, is not the way to build a happy life.

In literally every study by experts.

ah that definitive? Children always do better being brought up in an unhappy household?

How does your future look financially?

Can you support yourself without claiming benefits?